Help help! I have turned into Mrs ShoutyBitchFace and really that's now how I like to parent

[phdlife]

I don't know what's got into me

4yo ds, who is always v high maintenance, is going through a bit of a patch - he is acting hugely over-tired 100% of the time (can't hear me, asking 1000s of questions like machine-gun fire, recalcitrant, uncooperative, aggressive, distracted, clingy) - and all of a sudden I'm unable to deal with it any way other than shouting, threats and rough-handling (eg. forcibly and ungently removing him from rooms, stiff-arming him when he came in to hit me earlier, don't worry I'm not going to whack him ). I keep apologising and explaining ("I am tired and frustrated because...") and reminding him that I love him, we cuddle lots and are having moments of getting along - then he ignores a request or grabs something I'm doing or starts one of his massive "I don't want to" or "I want what I cannot have" fits and whoomp! All civilised behaviour flies out the window.

I'm not normally like this at all - normally with ds I am a font of understanding and patience. He is admittedly hard work, but I get that and usually I 'get' him and know just how to handle him.

I don't get what's up with him, though as I've spotted some ENORMOUS swollen glands in his neck we shall be off to the quack tomorrow, but it's not like there've been any big changes or ishoos cropping up that I can think of. He's not acting ill and says he has no pain/discomfort, he's just acting REALLY over-tired, all the time.

But I'm really unhappy at what's come over me, and I don't understand why I haven't been able to 'reset' back to my usual self. This is going to be a hard week (dh is away, it's the last week of term; dsis, my other helper, is going through some horrendous parenting stuff of her own and I don't like to ask atm) and I really need my zen-head on, but I just cannot seem to find it. It's like I've forgotten how to be the grown-up. How do we break this cycle?

[DecapitatedLegoman]

OK, first you need to see that doctor. DS had similar issues and his adenoids and tonsils were so big they were blocking his airways at night and he was waking up because he couldn't breathe. The big glands were a feature of flare ups. Does he snore, wake for no reason, look pale with dark circles under his eyes, sweat at night, toss and turn a lot and have bad breath? Definitely get it checked out.

Re your behaviour in the short term, I can massively sympathise having been there myself. For me the long term fix was resolving the cause of his tiredness but in the interim making sure I wasn't too tired myself was the best solution. Other helpful things were limiting his tv time - amazingly big difference in his behaviour so we still limit it now - and doing outdoors stuff every day.

Avoid time pressure at all costs, be with other people or at least away from the house wherever possible and get rest and headspace yourself. Let us know how you get on, and good luck :)

[ChildofIsis]

I don't know what to suggest but I didn't want your post to go unanswered.

My DD (5yrs) is like this sometimes and usually it's a sign that I'm stressed.
When I'm stressed her tantrum button is firmly pressed and I too think I'll never get back to 'normal'.

If your DS has swollen glands than he's possibly fighting an infection, it could have been coming on for some time.

Please don't despair, it will get better in time and you'll come out the other side wondering what all the fuss was about.

You are strong and capable enough to deal with this in the way you want to. Just don't beat yourself up if it doesn't go to plan some days.

[phdlife]

well we've just got results of the blood test and it turns out the poor kid has epstein-barr so I guess I know why he was so narky, at least. and my period's come on too so that explains me . I am still getting the hang of the suckers

bloody biology

[Nagoo]

I came on to post the same OP.

I don't know what Epstien-Barr is. I hope your DS is ok.

DS's excuse for any bad behaviour is 'I'm tired' it is also the reason he can't put on his own shoes or eat his tea. I'm putting it down to starting school and the fact I make him walk a mile there and back

I have been really very shouty recently. :(

In my case I am protective of the baby. I can't turn my back without him doing something mean misguided.

I want to be able to stop shouting at him. But when he's hitting her with his bookbag, or poking her in the eye (he does it gently and she laughs, but obviously I don't want him to do it) then I feel I need to shout to make him learn not to do that again :(

[BlueChampagne]

Hope your DS is OK too, and that you're feeling better as well.

If you want some retail therapy, get hold of "How to talk so kids will listen". It gets recommended a lot in these threads, and, although I'm not a great one for parenting books, I did buy it and have found it useful and effective.

[phdlife]

epstein-barr = glandular fever.

between 2pgs and rampant bfing, I went 57 months without a period and have only had about 4 since they started so I guess I'm still getting used to them

additionally I've just spotted 2yo dd has cut a molar, which might explain the frequent night wake-ups and difficulty settling, so I'm probably a lot more tired than I realised.

nagoo understand about protecting the baby - ds whacking 2yo dd still makes me bellow and she's now a strapping lass who gives at least as good as she gets. I'd be yelling about a baby, too.

BlueChampagne, I have HTT and I really like it - that's what I meant when I said I'm not normally like this.