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To want some time for me?

(17 Posts)
Fuzzled Sat 03-Sep-11 14:38:13

This is more of a rant as I'm fairly certain I'm NBU, but just typing it out is getting rid of my frustration!

Back story is that last weekend, DH went on a lads day out and was away from 8am until 10pm. He did take the two days before off, so we could have a family time, but the Saturday was a drinking day, so he had Sunday "off" from his usual of helping me look after DS (barring a couple of 5 minute spots where I nipped to the loo etc), and got (from me) a lovely cooked brunch and I made sure there was lots of "nibbly" stuff for him to eat until proper dinner (stew so it could be frozen if he didn't fancy it) after DS went to bed. Also on this day off, I had to cope with a burst car tyre, unhelpful garages and a lost locking wheel nut key.

I didn't mind doing any of this as I knew that I was having a night out last night (Friday) and was likely to be a bit "fragile" today, so DH agreed that he would deal with DS from when he got in on Friday night (so I could apply the polyfilla!), do his bath alone (normal a joint event) and then look after him during the day today. Basically, a trade off - his day out for my night out.

This morning at 4am when DS kicked off (teething), DH did get up and deal with him. I did get a long lie (until 7am). and he took DS out at about 8.30am until about 9.45am so I could have a long shower, breakfast etc in peace.

However, when he came in, I was given DS to put down for his nap (including dealing with a dirty nappy), as "I'm better at it", he then asked me to feed DS lunch so he could watch Football Focus, and then when I was eating my lunch, DS was around my feet playing and pullling on me, and when I asked DH to remove him so I could eat in peace, I got a hmm look as if I'd just suggested chaining DS up like a dog. I only wanted to eat my pie in peace!

Then, for the afternoon nap, he totally broke the usual sleep training method and DS took a good 45 minutes to go down as DH was patting him, shushing him and generally getting DS more worked up. I eventually gave up on finishing my lunch as I could hear the screams downstairs and had to put DS down myself. If he'd just done the nappy, had a quick hug and left him, DS would have grumbled for a few minutes, settled himself and gone to sleep.

And now, I've had an email from my work (I work from home and work are exceedingly lenient regarding when I work, but it works both ways in that if I can, and there's an issue, I work when I'm strictly "not" working IYSWIM) so I'm doing a bit of work while DS is snoring. DH has therefore handed me the monitors and gone for a nap as "I'm up anyways"!

I really don't want to pick a fight, he's a great dad and very good when he is home and he works very hard to ensure I don't have to work full time, but AIBU to have wanted a "day off" where (again barring a few minutes here and there for toilet trips etc) DH took control?

I think I'm feeling like I never get any time away, any time DS is asleep, I'm either working, cooking dinner, cleaning, tidying etc and I just don't seem to have time for me! I know DH works hard (and I appreciate it!) but it's getting to the point where I envy him his work commute - just because he gets peace!

Oh hell, it's not about DH at all really. It's about me. I need to schedule some me time. Okay so now I know I'm NBU, but I need to be more about the ME.

Oh, and if you got this far - thanks for reading! grin

FabbyChic Sat 03-Sep-11 14:41:34

How about getting your child into a nursery for a few hours a week so you can have your YOU time.

blackeyedsusan Sat 03-Sep-11 14:41:59

yabu to eat pie...

OrganicFreeRangeBoys Sat 03-Sep-11 14:44:50


I've just had a go at Dp via txt msg (he's not here and won't be for another week) saying "when do I get a fucking break" probably not the best way to go about getting a break but I'm slightly annoyed at the moment.

Can you arrange a day where you leave the house in the morning and come back early eve? Then Dp won't have a choice but to look after DS.

Meet friends for a coffee/lunch, go for a swim whatever? (god I could really do with a swim now)

marcopront Sat 03-Sep-11 14:50:19

When I saw the title I thought this was going to be from a lone parent.
You did have me time today.

I my DD's dad rarely sees her. I rarely get time outside of work when I am not with her. I would love a lie in. I cannot remember the last time my daughter woke up and I was not the first person to deal with her and then continue at a weekend to be the only person to look after her.

MmmmmCake Sat 03-Sep-11 14:58:07

blimey its called parenting

you both need to pull equal weights and just get on with looking after one small child - its really not as hard as you are trying to make out in your OP


Iggi999 Sat 03-Sep-11 15:03:01

I think having a full day off after a night out is excessive. A morning would be fine. Clearly what you did for your dh the previous weekend went unnoticed, and (when you're not hungover) I would sit down and talk about how that made you feel and that you won't be doing it again since he doesn't do likewise. I agree with poster who said it's MUCH easier to get 'me time' if you actually leave the house.

blackeyedsusan Sat 03-Sep-11 15:21:52

sorry, got distracted half way by pie... blush

yanbu, some people have short memories, and are so hard done by if they have to look after thei own child on their own for an hour or two...

I think you should go out, leave him to it.

blackeyedsusan Sat 03-Sep-11 15:25:24

come to think of it I am a single parent with little support, but if you are together you should have equal time off. sound like your oh is taking more than his fair share.... and oh to eat on your own, the bliss... <still thinks about pie... >

rubyslippers Sat 03-Sep-11 15:26:16

When your DH dumps the baby on you to chNge his nappy, hand him back

Your DH behaves as he does because he is allowed to

You book yourself a night off and a day off - if your DH does it, then you should

rubyslippers Sat 03-Sep-11 15:27:56

And if you want to cook and make sure he has nice nibble bits to eat, then do it because you want to, and not because you want the payback from him

You could have put your feet up and had a sarnie!!

ownthreadhider Sat 03-Sep-11 15:35:18

I don't think its very fair to throw the "single parent" card at the OP. I am also a single parent but I can appreciate that even parents who are with the co-parent need a break!! Esp with young LO's.

My mum always goes on about how lucky I am to get "so many breaks" (the kids go to their dads twice a month) hmm - erm yes but when I am with them I am alone - doing EVERYTHING and he is their FATHER.

I do think it is part of parenting OP and you have to figure out your trade offs within your own relationship - sounds a bit like youe are passing your DS between you like a hot potato.

Why not take it in turns to have a lie in on the weekend? Or like another poster has said book him into nursery for a few hours a week.

Journey Sat 03-Sep-11 15:45:29

There shouldn't be all this hassle looking after one child when there are two parents. When you're eating or working he should be looking after your ds.

When you have more than one child you realise how easy it was looking after only one. You can take turns for a start, and its easy to get out the house etc. Tell your DH how you feel because life could be so much better if you got the balance right. Trying to eat a meal with a child playing at your feet isn't any fun at all and your DH should realise this.

marcopront Sat 03-Sep-11 15:56:24

I totally agree that when there are two parents they both need a break, when I was with DD's dad he actually told me that I should do the majority of the child care as I was the mother even though I did all the earning, he was a student.

However, the OP did have some "me time" so maybe the question should be "AIBU to want my fair share of me time". My answer to that would be yes.

TBF I am a bit fed up at the moment I needed to go to A and E yesterday morning but had to wait till I could take my DD to a friend first. I so needed some me time at that point. And I had to go straight from A and E to work.

HelenMumsnet (MNHQ) Sat 03-Sep-11 18:45:49

Hello. We're going to move this thread to Parenting now - we think that's a better place for it.

Scruffyhound Sun 04-Sep-11 22:27:09

Me time eh?! Sorry got to laugh. I had my 1DS and was married nd my husband was usless. he did bath my DS every now and then fed him every now and then to fit with his life. I took DS1 everywhere with me as he was crap he was more interested with computer games and staying up till 1am playing them and saying I will do the late feed. Only so as he could stay up and play games (what he used to do before) and then stay in bed till 12 1pm and leave me to do everything then. So needless to say after 2 yrs of trying hard and trying to get our marriage sorted I left. I thought if Im not there he has to take notice I was doing everything my self anyways. I left ran my own home worked full time and sorted out DS1 by my self he saw his DS every ohter weekend despite living 5 mins away. Im now with someone else have DS2 whom is 5 months old its different this time I feel we share things more and he helps out more. But I do get fed up as I do eveything in the house and do the feed at 4 or 5 am so yep starting to get pissed off at that too!! Im not working right now but I am looking for a job but Im worried i will end up doing everything like I did the last time...............
When I was single there is no other opinion just you and its hard doing it on your own. I can say having done both its hard.

watersign76 Sat 10-Sep-11 20:24:10


It is annoying. I only have 1DS too, but find lots to feel resentful about! Do feel slightly ridiculous, as obviously there are ppl out there in more difficult situs with more kids or lone parents etc.

Is communication the key here? You talk about swopping a day for a night, but actually you both then wanted the following day to "recover". No judging, just saying. I am just wondering if he felt that by 10am today he'd returned his favour for your night out? Whilst you assumed (or it could have been agreed) that you'd also be on call on Sunday whilst he recovered.

I generally find, as depressing as this is, that being very clear and setting all the "rules" - or at least having a discussion about what they might be, does help a lot.

Have a chat and get it sorted.

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