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Parenting

Feeling guilty, sorry long.

13 replies

sykes · 20/10/2003 15:16

I do love the good mummy thread but am currently feeling rather guilty. H left four months ago and this year was (before he left) supposed to be spending more time with dds. But it seems to be less. I leave the house at 7:20 and am NEVER home before 7 in the evening - sometimes later. So may see dds in the morning but I'm getting ready for work etc, in the evenings do try but am v tired. w/ends spend as much time as possible. Also, v aware that the youngest gets little one-on-one. Try to take elder dd swimming - just the two of us - when h visits Sunday evening. But when do you get to read etc, etc when you've got so much other stuff to do. He visits three evenings for half an hour/an hour and sees them on Saturday morning from 8:30 until 1. Then from 5 on Sunday -but elder dd comes swimming with me. Suppose could alternate Sunday evenings etc. Flexi-time, reduced hours not an option at the moment. Any tips/advice gratefully received.

OP posts:

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WSM · 20/10/2003 15:21

Sykes you mustn't beat yourself up over this. It seems to me that you do the best you can with the set of circumstances life has chucked at you. You work the hours you do in order to support your family (I assume), now that you are breadwinner. It must be very hard to juggle all of your responsibilities but it would seem to me that you are doing your very best.

Hopefully someone will have constructive advice as well as support.

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sykes · 20/10/2003 15:26

I suppose moving nearer to office - which may do but means h won't be able to visit very much and dds will miss him, friends, nanny, school.

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JJ · 20/10/2003 19:22

Sykes, my friends who were raised by single mothers have uniformly loved, admired and respected them. They appreciate the fact that their mothers sacrificed so much and worked so hard for them. Being a single mother is a difficult lot in life and while it's tiring and guilt inducing, I am sure that your daughters, also, will one day look at you as their hero. You're doing a great job.

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sobernow · 20/10/2003 19:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lucy123 · 20/10/2003 19:52

I agree - sounds like you're doing a sterling job in the circumstances.

Have you asked about working from home every now and then? Much as I agree with scummy on the moving house idea, I can't help thinking that a 12 hour day is a lot for anyone to cope with, kids or no kids.

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lucy123 · 20/10/2003 19:59

whoops, I mean I agree with sobernow. I'm just too tired to read past the first letter of people's nicknames today.

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lucy123 · 20/10/2003 20:00

whoops, I mean I agree with sobernow. I'm just too tired to read past the first letter of people's nicknames today.

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vkr · 20/10/2003 20:17

agree with JJ - experience of single mums especially with daughters is a much closer and respectful bond than in "normal/average" (wrong words - no brain tonight) families

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tigermoth · 21/10/2003 08:06

Sykes, you're doing your very best, I'm sure. Please don't feel guilty. It's only been 4 months since your dh left. Too soon to make more big changes.

Your working day is a long one for you. Is there any chance that you can work towards long term changes? ie start looking for jobs nearer home with a view to changing in a couple of years? perhaps think of moving nearer your work when your dds have outgrown their nanny? I know the salary level might make it impossible, but could you consider switching to a public sector post? I did this. I was surprised exaclty what was on offer - a huge variety of jobs. Holidays, hours and family friendliness are much better. My stress levels are way down on what they were. Any chance of changing your mortage to make it easier to take a lower paying but more flexible job?

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WideWebWitch · 21/10/2003 09:29

Sykes, no constructive advice but just wanted to agree with everyone else that you've nothing to feel guilty about. Could you re-arrange ex's time to make life easier?

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Twinkie · 21/10/2003 09:34

Message withdrawn

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doormat · 21/10/2003 09:51

sykes I think you are doing a splendid job
Dont feel guilty.
Everyone here has given excellent advice.
hugs
xxx

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sykes · 21/10/2003 10:01

Thanks very much. Will, in the future, try to reorganise working day - I did used to work from home one day a week but as we've just been acquired (my company that is) feel that that is for the future. I've rather tied myself into a very well paid job but should think seriously about the future and how my family will thrive - ie, change job/house. But no drastic decisions now. And I'll ask him to stay for a w/end soon so that I can SLEEP. Also, his parents have been in touch (I wrote them a letter and sent pictures/school report etc) and I think they would like to be more supportive so I should take advantage of that for both myself and the girls. I suppose I'm so desperate to be with the girls at the w/end that h doesn't do as much as he probably would do so will give it some thought. I'll at least make him do the shopping and things while he's still close enough to do it. THANKS.