Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Parenting

my mum can never babysit for me when i ask....

19 replies

hermykne · 05/12/2005 21:42

would youbelieve that in the 18mths since ds was born she has never minded my 2 children alone by herself. shes 54. not 74.
prior to that she might have looked after dd once/twice when i was at an ante natal appt.

this week i have been asked by a friend to do something for her, no problem as dh was goingto mind kids, now thats changed for him and he has to go to work
i ring my mum , its for 2 1/2hrs!, and she tells me oh we (her and partner) were thining of going to town friday you know for the christmasy thing!

i asked them to my house for christmas day adn they refused politely.they arent religious not really into christmas "thingy", i am surprised shes remembering to talk about santa to the kids!

my kids are easy to mind and i just dont know what to say now,
and i cant understand why does she not think that in my 3 yrs parenting a wee hour or two in the shops by myself would be nie - shes never offered. i have asked at least a half dozen times since the summer and there has always been something, i reallydid think after the last time she might change as i was quite huffy.

and ironically she was here last week to bring gifts for the kids from france but forgot them so she said i'll come down next week, ie this week so whats wrong with babysitting when u do visit?

OP posts:

Report

yULeYSEES · 05/12/2005 21:44

Grrr I'd be stomping if I were you. Have you told her straight?

shepherdswatchedtheirflockets · 05/12/2005 21:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

hermykne · 05/12/2005 21:45

jesus u were quick reading this!

yeah i have kinda roundabout y kinda way, but not directly, but iwill cos she said she d get back to me tomorrow if her plans change, only becuase i ultimatumed her for tomorrow,, ggrrrr

OP posts:

hermykne · 05/12/2005 21:46

i have my husbands cousin but shes at school, its 4-6 i have to help out my friedn in her shop so its a bit tight for babysitter

OP posts:

yULeYSEES · 05/12/2005 21:50

Get yer mam told! I used to walk on eggshells with my mam but just tell her now and she's 75. My sis is 52 (I was an afterthought) and she has enough energy to look after mine and her grandkids.

XmasPud · 05/12/2005 21:51

Maybe she is anxious about babysitting two children on her own? It is a while since she had her own children and might be worried that she might not cope? I know it is lame, but she might be too embarrassed to admit that she just doesn?t want to have that responsibility. She obv cares about them to visit and bring gifts (ok so she forgot the gifts...). I admit the Christmas thing is a bit wierd - but again maybe she felt that she would be intruding or had her own thing??
Do you have any siblings to ask their opinion? I just wonder if there is more to it than just a case of "unhelpful nanny" going on?? Is it her partner who has an issue with babysitting?
Being devils advocate - there is no law that says nannys have to babysit their grandchildren and that it is the right of the mother to expect their own mother to do this..(even if most find it a pleasure)..

(saying all that, if it were my mum I would be upset by this too )

hermykne · 05/12/2005 21:51

your right ulysses (two things spring to mind about you, james joyce and the ferry accross the irish sea!)

OP posts:

Twiglett · 05/12/2005 21:52

um she's YOUR mum, she doesn't have to babysit if she doesn't want to

hermykne · 05/12/2005 21:53

xmas pud , thats all really trus and she maybe anxious with them by herself but she lovesthem so i cant understand why ...
but i 'll have to broach it (is that a word)

thanks all

OP posts:

TwoIfBySanta · 05/12/2005 21:53

So they are going to town for the Christmasy thing but don't want to come to your house as they are not into Christmas thingy? Sounds a bit like a contradiction.

I would ask her straight out why she doesn't want to babysit. Ask if she has a problem or something that she previously hasn't wanted to discuss with you. I know grandparents aren't on tap babysitters but if my mum and dad didn't allow me to pop into town alone every now and again I would go quietly nuts!

I don't know your situation but could it be her partner not wanting to babysit and she is trying to please him or something?

hermykne · 05/12/2005 21:54

twiglett, hmmmm grrr to you too

OP posts:

hermykne · 05/12/2005 21:55

two by santa
i certainly dont epxect grandparents to do the babysittng thing, i understand what they 've gone thru!, but its so seldom and i am stuck on this day for someone.
partner might be a contributing factor, not a kid/little people person. but its just odd

OP posts:

Twiglett · 05/12/2005 21:56

May I remind you that I asked my mother to come down and watch my kids because I was in the 4th week of feeling like I was dying with a severe chest infection .. I was unable to pick them up .. I couldn't even walk upstairs on my own .. I lost a lot of weight (yes it was that serious) friends were taking care of them between 9am and 6pm and she said .. no

yULeYSEES · 05/12/2005 21:56

you have kids and they have kids so you should expect to help out. It's not like she does it all the time. I know plenty who's parents have their kids more than they do which is a whole different thread.

Twiglett · 05/12/2005 21:57

I've always wanted to know

what does 'TwoIfBySea' mean??

shepherdswatchedtheirflockets · 05/12/2005 21:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

hermykne · 05/12/2005 22:00

twiglett, i never knew that or anything about your mom if i have missed any threads.

with my mum its 3yrs and i can count on 1 hand how many times, yet she'll call play and whatever for a couple of hours with me and them.
i dont use her as a babysitter facilitor. its just her mum was a great granny to us as kids.

oh i know shes her own person, dont expect it.

OP posts:

yULeYSEES · 05/12/2005 22:05

hermykne I know you don't it's just frustrating when parents don't help out more as child rearing is hard enough. Be different if you took advantage like some people but you only want your mum to actually want to do this. I can never figure this out?

Don't feel guilty if you are. Try to have a chat maybe to see what's going on? You know your mum and how to handle her.

jenthehen · 05/12/2005 22:07

My mum is exactly the same and I can count on one hand the times she has had my children (eldest is 4). I've just told her straight I don't expect it, but it would be lovely, and not to expect hugs and kisses on demand from the children as you don't spend any time with them. I only live 2 mls away and she also is only 54. My current mantra is presently "grandchildren are for life not just for Christmas Day" as we are seriously considering not spending Christmas day with them.

Flip

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.