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Feeling pretty fucking miserable right now. Tell me it gets better.

(11 Posts)
Bumperlicious Mon 01-Aug-11 21:10:02

I'm feeling like life is pretty relentless and joyless at the moment. I've just gone back to work, I'm still breastfeeding. It's 9pm and the kids have only just fucking gone to sleep, which leaves me an hour before I have to start getting ready to go to bed so that I can be up for the next day's relentlessness.

This is my routine: get up, feed the baby, pump some milk, get the kids breakfast, shower, get breakfast myself and cobble together some lunch before leaving for work at 8.10. Work in a new job where I haven't a clue what I am doing yet, till 5.30. Home by 6pm, sit down to dinner which hopefully DH has cooked. Clear up after dinner and kids, get them wound down for bed, feed baby while DH puts DD1 to bed. Spend an hour trying to get the baby down. Fail miserably. See if she will cry herself to sleep. Occasionally that will work but mostly it's clear that she won't. DH and I take it in turns to try and settle her, meanwhile, as in tonight, DD1 will be playing up and refusing to go to bed.

This is 3 days a week when I work. The other three days are pretty similar except I am home all day with the kids. It's not DH that is the problem before anyone asks, he is struggling as much as I am, as well as trying to set up a photography business.

Now it's 9pm, they are finally down, though I am constantly listening out for further inevitable wakings, though if we are lucky they will actually sleep through till 7. I have a stack of books I want to read, I want to be doing crochet, and writing my blog. I have so much to do and such little time. It feels relentless. Will it ever get better?

How can I get a sleep fighting 10 month old to go to sleep without being pinched, kicked and and well, to actually get her to sleep? And the 4 year old? Any tips on juggling work and two children? Tell me it gets better?

HowNowKernow Mon 01-Aug-11 21:14:51

I know how you feel and I don't even have to juggle a job. Today I've been potty training the seemingly impossible to train DD1 (2.5yrs), whilst jiggling the teething DD2 (14mths) to try to stop her crying whilst trying to arrange for a builder to come over, whilst trying to cook a half decent evening meal, whilst trying to get some laundry done and so on and so on.

Like you I spent a good part of the day wondering when this might get easier!

drcrab Mon 01-Aug-11 21:24:27

You sound like you have my life. My DS (3.5) is in bed and thankfully willgo through the night but he goes down at 9 (our friend's children go at 7.30 and then they have time to eat their takeaway! hmm) DD is 10 months old and still bf and wakes anytime. Last night was first time she slept from 10-3? And then waking again every hour or half hour. and I'm back at work full time.

I'm hoping it gets better. I'm losing my will to live!

drcrab Mon 01-Aug-11 21:26:42

I very optimistically bought 2 books whilst away for a work conference in may. I brought it all the way to holland and back and it's sitting on my book shelf. I have magazines that need reading. And we're supposedly moving house.

SeaShellsMyDogSmells Mon 01-Aug-11 21:30:52

wine brew bed for you asap smile I go back to work soon and dreading it-still bfing dd too. It will get easier (so I'm told) is anyone around that can give you a few hours to yourself on your day off?

Bumperlicious Mon 01-Aug-11 21:35:13

Urgh, drcrab - hideous! I was lucky that DD2 just started to go through the night literally in time for me to go back to work.

We were away for the weekend with family (which was wearing but nice) and in the morning we were sat in the garden relaxing and having breakfast and I turned to DH and said "why don't we do this at home?" then I realised that at home there is always something that needs doing. There is no time to relax and just catch up.

LemonDifficult Mon 01-Aug-11 21:36:35

Yeah, it gets better, loads better. But it is completely crap until you can start guaranteeing you'll get a full nights sleep. If you want to work on something I'd just try to address that: all out commitment to sleep training.

But mainly just have wine and get through it. Put blog and crochet on hold - it won't be for long.

drcrab Mon 01-Aug-11 21:41:47

That's the thing isn't it.. Need to relax. Whilst away for 2 work conferences with the family entourage (no less) at least we got to stay in hotel and have breakfast ready for us. Of course also the opportunity to eat out. Wasn't that relaxing but it did give me a break from the usual washing, cleaning and tidying up that we'd be doing on top of work!

Hang in there. I've been told it doesn't get better... It just gets different!!! grin

triskaidekaphile Mon 01-Aug-11 22:34:46

Poor you. It's horrible being knackered and having no time to yourself.

Practical advice:

1) Do sleep training (controlled crying for 10 month old and rapid return for 4 year old). Even if the cortisol stuff (which is bollocks) were true it would be worth it!

2) Stop pumping. Just feed direct from the breast morning and evening and more on days off and weekends if you want. Your breasts will adapt. She will be fine on cows milk, juice or water when you're not there.

Octaviapink Tue 02-Aug-11 12:47:04

You say you've just started the new job and you're having a difficult time - that at least is guaranteed to get better! Do you think your stress over that is spilling over into the rest of your time? In which case it WILL recede.

The cortisol stuff isn't bollocks - stress does affect babies' brains which is why CC isn't recommended by paediatricians. BUT your 4yo is plenty big enough to have a proper bedtime routine

Some practical things:
Pumping - your employer is now obliged (I believe - talk to your HR dept) to give you somewhere to pump and a fridge to store it in, so if you wanted to pump at work rather than at home it would save you time in the mornings.

Breakfast - could DH not get breakfast for you all while you feed your 10mo? Surely a few pieces of toast or bowls of cereal could be managed. I'd have thought he could knock up a few sandwiches as well!

Stairgate on DD1's room - once she's in her room she's there for the duration. If she won't go to bed then she sleeps where she falls! I think she does need to learn that getting attention this way has suddenly ceased to work.

Hang in there - it'll be ok.

yawningbear Tue 02-Aug-11 15:17:47

Just wanted to offerbrew& Sympathies, not much sound advice as am much in need myself, sounds all too familiar. My two weren't asleep til past 9 last night either and I then spent pretty much the rest of it either being kept awake by 5 month old DS who seems to want to feed ALL night long and 2.8yr old DD who is currently waking between 2-4 times each night. I am also trying to do some freelance work hmm and am supposed to be returning to work in a months time. DS is at least taking a bottle now. Something needs to be done though re: sleep issues. I have been thinking about putting up a stairgate on DD's bedroom but am pretty sure she would find away to hurdle over it. Be good if you could express at work, and as others have said, that bit of it at least should get easier as you start to find you feet. And again as someone else has already suggested have some wine Goodluck, I really hope things get better for you soon.

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