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Coping with the end of the baby years

(8 Posts)
JaneBennet Fri 27-May-11 16:00:39

Really struggling at the moment and hope that someone has some words of wisdom for me. We have two beautiful, wonderful DC and as both DH and I are from large families, I had hoped that DH would agree to adding a third child to our family, given time. We have talked around and around it so many times, even deciding to go for it and then DH changed his mind again.

After much soul searching, I've come to the realisation that DH does not want any more children and this is something that I have to accept. Even though I'm hurt and disappointed that DH's decision is final, it can't be a 'deal breaker' and I need to figure out a way to cope with the end of my child bearing years (even though they are not over, as I'm in my early thirties) against my wishes.

I've sold or given away all the baby paraphernalia this week. I've rearranged the bedrooms and had a good clear out so there's nothing left. I feel so sad but I needed to do this to be able to move on.

How do I move on from this?

Pinkjenny Fri 27-May-11 16:02:43

Lurking as things are much the same here.

Some days I feel happy to wave goodbye to the baby stages, and some days I just feel like one more dc would complete the picture. Dh is adamant that he does not want any more children, and I have to accept that.

JIRkids Fri 27-May-11 16:47:49

Am lurking too. We had planned on a third baby.

Then we moved house and money and our current kids behaviour seems to have changed our minds!!!

I still want a baby but I now know what they grow into and it isn't great at the moment as I have 2 fighting boys most of the time!! Also, we have tons of DIY to do and I am not sure whether our finances could take another baby. I work freelance so couldn't really take time off for maternity leave and guarantee I would get the same amount of work back. Plus the thought of working through maternity leave with 3 kids fills me with horror (as I don't use childcare just work evenings/preschool time)!

Yet I still want another one and keep thinking maybe in a year or two when our finances are more certain and my boys stop fighting!!!!

JIRkids Fri 27-May-11 16:48:36

Sorry, just realised I had vented and left absolutely no words of wisdom - hopefully, someone else will! x

YorkieGate Fri 27-May-11 21:16:10

Same boat here. I'm 30 and thats it, no more babies for me, its very sad. Though I am eternally grateful for the two I have, I would keep having more if I could. I look at them and they are so beautiful, funny and clever - how could we not have more? It aches to think I'll never again hold a newborn baby of my own.

DH doesn't want anymore, well, thats not strictly true, he'd love more but thinks it would be foolish financially. We can comfortably support two, save a little to help with uni or house when they are older. If we have more then that would become harder.

I feel like its now or never. If we leave it much longer we'll have two very close together and then a big gap and then a third, which I don't like the idea of. A friend from school was the third, the first two had only 12 months between them, then there was an 8 year gap and then her, she hated it, said it was like being an only child in many ways.

Wish we were rich and we could have more.

glasscompletelybroken Sat 28-May-11 13:19:51

I never had any ideas about how many children I wanted and probably thought somewhere in the back of my mind that 2 would be a good number. I hadn't reckoned on the feelings I had though which started when DD2 was about a year old. It wasn't so much wanting "another" child as feeling that there was actually a particular child that was mine just waiting to be born. I can't really explain it any better than that. Doesn't really make sense I know but it was such a strong feeling. It took ages (about a year) to persuade my then DH but he did finally agree!
We couldn't really afford it but I think if you waited to have children till you thought you could really afford it then you'd never have any!

25goingon95 Sun 29-May-11 20:24:43

Same here...we have 2 DDs and sometimes i feel desperate for a third, like he/she is just meant to be here with us, there is something missing iykwim. Then others i feel ok about sticking with our 2 DDs.

Im only 25 so have more time but i think as the DDs get older and things get easier, having another baby will be hard work. I feel we need to do it now but DH unsure sad

25goingon95 Sun 29-May-11 20:26:18

It wasn't so much wanting "another" child as feeling that there was actually a particular child that was mine just waiting to be born.

Exactly how i feel!! It is wierd isn't it! Like you just know they are waiting...confused

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