Should I be telling my toddler off more?

[plantsitter]

I realised today that when I'm handling DD1 (2.2) I kind of manipulate her more than tell her what to do. So if, for example, she wants to stay at the swings and it's time to go home, I'll say 'time to go home now' and when she inevitably complains and runs back to the swings I'll gasp and say 'look at this fantastic bird/leaf/stone!' in the other direction and coax her to where I want her to be. Or I'll throw the ball that way and have a race or something. Essentially I'm doing anything I can to avoid a tantrum.

Should I in fact be telling her what to do and insist she does what I say by getting cross etc? Is she ever going to understand that she does have to do what I say or am I going to have to use distraction methods for the rest of her life? Do you think it would better to put up with tantrums now for more control long term?

I have a 4 month old DD too so I wonder if I'm just trying to make my own life easier but not actually doing her any favours long-term.

Thanks in advance

[blinks]

if it aint broke.

[JarethTheGoblinKing]

I don't think so.. save the telling off for when it's really required, use the distraction when you're just trying to encourage her to do something. I think it depends on the situation. If you're just trying to get her to leave the park then distraction is perfect. Encouraging getting dressed - easier to make it into a game. :)

I find that telling DS off more has a counterproductive effect - we both get stressed, he doesn't want to do anything I tell him, and I end up shouting. Better to manipulate distract/make things a game. Happier for all concerned :) He's better behaved and when I do tell him to do something he's more likely to do it. When I DO tell him off it actually has an effect.

:)

[JarethTheGoblinKing]

or... what blinks said

[plantsitter]

Thanks for the replies.

I've given the impression DD does what I want all the time with my distraction game-playing techniques.

Not true. But mostly true. Eventually. As long as we're not on a timetable...

I won't worry for now then.

[Firawla]

no your way seems nicer, i don't think it benefits either of you to be in constant conflict. as long as you get the result you need then i would stick with it

[lukewarmmama]

No, sounds perfect. I only wish I could have the patience remember to do that more, rather than being Shouty Mum.

As you were.

[ScarlettCrossbones]

Oh goodness. You're doing absolutely brilliantly; in fact, I aspire every day to be more like this!

It's a shame that you feel you should possibly be getting more heavy-handed with your DD. If she does ever start seriously misbehaving you can cross that bridge when you come to it, but I think it's extremely unlikely, because what you currently do never leaves her feeling frustrated, or as if her wishes are not being met. Everybody's happy. So what if she's distracted all the time? If she seriously wanted to carry on doing what she was doing, she'd soon let you know! And then it's all about negotiation.

[Dancergirl]

No way would I change what you're doing!

If you can get her to do what you want by distraction that's fantastic. Wish my dd did lol!

[plantsitter]

Thanks all. Feel like I was fishing now. I wasn't though; I just don't want to turn into a very ineffectual parent with a monstrous kid!

[rickymummy]

Sounds all good to me. I hate telling my children off, and it never actually seemed to work as well as distraction etc.

(Mind you, the result is that I have two well behaved children who are completely thrown if they do get told off, which causes problems in itself. I've spent weeks trying to explain to the 7 year old that a swimming teacher has to shout because swimming pools are noisy places, and it's not because she is cross!)

[SlightlyB0nkers]

Sounds like a perfect strategy to me. One i aspire to as well.
Peaceful negotiations are always better than conflict, no matter what the age.

[BertieBotts]

I'm glad you've posted this, I do this too :)

I think if you mostly do things at their pace they are more receptive when you do have to do things quickly. Or even if they do kick off they are usually so surprised when you just pick them up and leave because they haven't had chance to refine their stalling tactics!

[headfairy]

don't change a thing. dh tells ds off for absolutely everything and it really grates because apart from anything ds is not totally immune to it. I rarely raise my voice at him but when I do Boy does he stop and listen.

(not a perfect parent btw, I'm just sick of hearing myself shout!)