How do you explain to young children if you're not religious ? My ds 4 is asking me this frequently at the moment and is obviously not satisfied with my answers. The first time he came out with it I was driving in rush hour traffic and trying to avoid the buses and taxis and explain death in child friendly terms nearly made my head explode.
I've been talking about your body not working any more and some people think you go somewhere else but nobody really knows but I need help ! He's not terribly worried, just curious I think. Thankfully he hasn't experiened death close at hand yet. He knows Nana died when he was a baby but keeps asking can't she walk back and tell us what it's like.
How do you do it ? Do you know of any useful books.I need something about natural cycles and coping with loss but just end up stammering and whittering when I try and explain my understanding and feelings about it in a way he'd understand.
Arm me with some kind of explanation before it comes up again...please !
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Parenting
What happens when you die ?
bobbinogs · 01/03/2011 20:46
I explained it to my four year old by referring to our cat that got old and died.
I said that the body was just like a car and it got old and knackered and eventually stopped working and then that person wasn't around anymore but as long as we still remembered them, they were still important and that it didn't hurt at all because pain is to do with the body and they didn't have that anymore.
She then asked how babies were made.
That was a fun car trip 
that Badger book sounds perfect, thankyou dilbertina.....and I might go and dig out some gloves aswell and practice separating soul from body before i settle down in fromt of the tv.....i'm quite happy talking about the soul and spititual things just not heaven and hell, had plenty of that at school when i was little.
whomovedmychocolate if I'd had to explain death and babies on the same journey i would definitely have crashed....my dh always saves up the tricky ones for heavy traffic - 'do stars have bums?' was one that had me veering into the middle of the road 
thanks ladies, problem solved !
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i like the idea of asking what do you think skimty, that might keep him quiet for a few miles ! Ponder on a great meta physical question young man and let me listen to the radio.
I've just demonstrated soul and body parting with the help of an Iggle Piggle mitten to my husband and he says it's made him feel depressed and so he's had to go upstaris and strip some wallpaper 
My DH died when DS2 was three, and as i'm not religious at all, i explained to him as best i could. I said that sometimes our bodies get so sick that they aren't able to get better themselves and they die, and that's what happened with daddy - his body got so sick that it coldn't make itself better anymore, and that daddy died and we were very sad because it meant that we could never ever see daddy again. I told him that daddys body was going to be put in a box called a coffin, and that the coffin was going to be put into the ground. After that there would be a party, where all the people who loved daddy, and who daddy loved would come and think about him (it was quite sad, because being just three he equated parties with candles and cake and insisted that as it was daddy's party we had to have a cake with candles - so i got a plain iced cake and some icing pens and he drew pictures for daddy, then we lit the candle and he blew it out, sending his love to where ever daddy was - not a dry eye, as you can expect)
I've always tried to be as honest with him as i think he could handle. I really don't hold with the whole 'Oh he's a star in the sky' kind of claptrap that some children are fed - a cashier told DS this about three weeks after DH had died - DS was still in the stage where his opening words to anyone were 'Hello, My daddy died' - and when we went outside he was distraught at the fact that daddy was not in the sky looking at him
A good book that covers what different people think happens when you die is called When Dinosaurs Die by Laurie Kransy Brown. Its really age appropriate and cover different types of deaths - accidents, illnesses, even suicide, and different people dying, from a parent to a grandparent to a newborn. Its really helped us.
Oooopss... i've waffed, eh? 
deemented 
what a terribly difficult thing to have to do - it sounds like you really helped your ds - i hope you are both coping ok now and looking after each other
I agree about the star in the sky business, it's that kind of thing my son has heard that is confusing him i think - you're right it's all about being as honest as is appropriate and getting that balance right
This is a really interesting thread. I love the glove analogy and might use it. My 4yo DD keeps asking about death and saying she doesn't want to die. I seem to have (inadvertently) given her the idea that everyone dies when they're 100, so she keeps asking how old me and DH are and whether we're anywhere near 100!
I also explained what cremation was - big mistake
Deemented - really sorry to hear of your loss
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