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3 under 3 plus 1

(10 Posts)
EllaBel Mon 10-Jan-11 18:48:03

I am blindly walking into my fourth baby (16 weeks) - i love babies, carrying them and having them and doing all things baby. My oldest son is 3 and 10 months, next son is 2 and 6 months and my daughter is 1 and 1 week. Yes my hands are full. And my usual chilled out, relaxed attitude to all things is being challenged. My sons fight all the time, bickering, provoking and bashing each other about. I cannot shout anymore... Feeling totally stretched and out of control. Do I need to give more constructive attention to each? Is it all about attention seeking? The youngest provokes the oldest, the oldest bashes the youngest, the youngest crys the loudest but whose to be held to account? THank god my daughter is in that blissful '1 and I love you to bits Mummy stage'. I don't want to be that knackered overstretched mother to uncontrollable children... help!

OddBodd Mon 10-Jan-11 22:21:07

Bump. In all honesty I think all mothers with 3 children and another on the way will feel over streched especially with such small age gaps. Sorry to sound rude but why if you feel this way did you want a 4th child? Can't really help but hoping someone will be along soon to give advice!

EllaBel Tue 11-Jan-11 11:02:35

I have only just started feeling this way! I guess because my oldest has reached another stage of general child development - need in a different way and more independent so the demands on me as a parent have changed. You are right to be rude - reality check. I really want this baby, I am extremely pleased to be pregnant again and thank god everyday for each of them. I'll just have to muddle my way through how to be a parent to a pre-schooler, just like a I muddled through the first baby, the first toddler and all the differences between them on the way. Hope No.1 doesn't feel too much like a guinea pig! Need a good book - which deals with big families/sibling tensions and how to regain control over ones life... any recommendations?!

BooBooGlass Tue 11-Jan-11 11:05:05

Do you enjoy the baby phase so much that you keep having another as soon as they're less dependant on you? You can't do that forever you know

EllaBel Tue 11-Jan-11 12:57:58

I do love the baby phase. And I love the pregnancy phase. However I love the stage that each child is in individually as we speak, its just that the combination and current dynamic is a huge challenge - having been led by my instincts this far I now need a more structured approach. However all this has made me feel like I've made a big fuss over nothing. I just felt desperate yesterday and needed a vent. I am reminded of what is important and it has given me a chance to structure my own thoughts on the matter! Job done!

stilldazed Tue 11-Jan-11 14:02:22

4 children in 4 years won't be easy!

I don't really know what you want people to say?? very young children need a certain level of indivdual attention and can get frustrated if they don't get it. that is fairly obivious, it is odd that you are only realising this now.

I love the pregnancy/baby stage but am realistic enough to know it can't last forever and as much as I may like to go from one pregnancy to the next it is not fair on the children I have.

Fourleaf Tue 11-Jan-11 14:29:47

I think people are being a bit harsh TBH. As you say you just needed to vent a bit and express your feelings. I only have 1 DC so am really not much help, but just to say I'm sure this stage is going to be hard and lots of work but you will have 4 lovely children and the baby/toddler phase will end eventually!
I think 4 is a great number of kids FWIW
Was also going to suggest you could post on the larger families board? You might get some helpful responses there, and maybe a good book recommendation. Good luck and congrats on your pregnancy

Firawla Tue 11-Jan-11 14:35:58

i think your replies are quite harsh tbh
i get a bit of what your feeling, i only have 2 and expecting 3rd so slightly less but they are still both young and sometimes if they are fighting or one is being challenging and you are tired, then it can feel a bit much. it doesn't mean you should not be having another baby, as some people seem to be suggesting!
hopefully after having a vent you are feeling a bit better 2day?
is your older one going to be going to school in sept? so you would most of the time have only 3 at home for the day, that may help? my oldest is 2 and hopefully he is gonna be just able to get nursery place a month after 3rd is born, which may help for them to have those places to go i think (if they are sociable outgoing etc..) and even your 2 yr old should be able to get nursery place soon when he is 3? (maybe in sept? cos mine is 2.6 months too so same age) so you hopefully would have quite a bit less on your plate with the older 2 able to go to school and nursery. and if it feels like its getting too much now and cant stretch yourself any further then just say to yourself you will have a break from more kids after the 4th one, if you think that will help
anyway goodluck

EllaBel Tue 11-Jan-11 15:47:09

Thanks Fourleaf and Firawla - like you said, vent over, I really appreciate your sympathy and defence! Def better today, moving on.

OddBodd Tue 11-Jan-11 19:56:51

Sorry I am sympathetic, I only have one child and some days I feel like tearing my hair out. I genuinely didn't mean to be rude. I just sometimes wonder how on earth people cope with three children. I just reread my post and it sounded very harsh, that wasn't my intention at all. I do think that we all feel like this sometimes. DS is 3 now and started school. I have gone back to work 16 hours a week and it has helped beyond words.I think once the children start to grow up and move out of this phase (I really do believe the early years are so hard) then things will click into place a bit more.

Glad you are feeling better today. xxx

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