When and why did you decide to stop having children?

[TettyLouBar]

Hi all,
I'm 39+1 pregnant with DC2. From very early on in this pregnancy DH and I have agreed that this will most probably be our last child and that we don't want anymore. Not really sure why we've come to this agreement and we know it's early days to be saying this but we are both very certain.
Is this just a pre-new baby decision that people make? Are we likely to change our minds?

At what point have you made this decision and has it stuck? Or is it best to never say never.

[woolymindy]

Ah for us this is the BIG question as we have just had our fourth baby (and this from a woman who never thought she wanted any!) - Ours range from 9 to 4 months and taking future babies off the agenda made us both so sad that we have decided not to make a decision yet - I am 41 so there is a time thing here too but in our case never say never and talk about it in a couple of months time is the way we deal with it

Congratulations and good luck to you

[gibbberish]

We had dd4 when I was 31 (can't believe I was so young with 4 children!).

I would have liked more but tbh 4 was our limit financially. Plus I suffered terrible pnd and all my labours had serious complications. Dd4 was delivered by ec and almost died.

So dh made the decision that we couldn't risk having any more and had the snip.

My head knows it was the right thing to do but there will always be a part of me that yearns for more babies.

So I guess circumstances play a big part in making that final choice.

[OddBodd]

We have decided to have two and leave it at that. I think our main reasons are financial. We don't like the idea of having to shoe horn another child into our very small 3 bed house and to be honest I am just not sure we could cope with giving time to three children. I was one of three and whilst I had a happy childhood, money was always tight and I had to share a room with my sister who I had a fairly rocky relationship with as a child. I totally respect mums and dads who can devide their time between 3 or more children!

[YeahBut]

Well, I think it's when you feel that your parenting of the children you have would be compromised by the arrival of any more children. Obviously that's different for every parent.
I have 3 gorgeous children and that's my limit, I feel. I would have always felt something was missing if I hadn't had a third, but knew pretty much immediately that my family was complete once number 3 arrived. For some people, that comes after one child, for others after 6!
Age comes into it too. My husband at 43 just feels that he couldn't do babies again. Also the age of my existing children comes into play. At 11, 9 and 5, I think I've somehow gone past the point of being able to go back to nappies, sleepless nights, feeding every 3 hours, tantrums and toilet training.

[comewhinewithme]

I thought I was done with my fifth dc.Then we had double contraceptive faliure and I no6 19 monthsot ago.I love her to bits but she is hard work and I have only just got over PND.The PG and labour were shocking and the first year bad.
I am filled with dread at the thought of anymore so dp is getting the snip .

[MargaretGraceBondfield]

I have four dcs and all by caesarean. Plus I just don't have enough time as it is!!

[MargaretGraceBondfield]

And for me age two is the hormone cut off...it's the time when I can look at other babies and think they're cute, before mine reach two I'm so obsessed with how lovely they are I can't look at another baby as I'm too biased. So now dc4 is two I have no desire to have another!! But a lottery win could alter that!

[faverolles]

DH and I decided 3 was our limit.
Until there was a death in the family that completely changed our outlook on life, and what we wanted out of it.
Dc4 is due next week. He/she will have to be the last, as we won't physically be able to fit any more into the house!

[Lovethesea]

I wanted two children so they had a sibling but DH and were not outnumbered! I'm one of two so it seems normal to me. I like the idea of having 1:1 time easily when DH is around, we have a 2 bedroom house, it's all head reasons really - but I've never had a broody feeling in my life so there is no internal war for any more.

DC1 birth was awful leaving longterm damage, DC2 was a lovely elcs - I wake from nightmares that I am pregnant again! My health would suffer from any more pregnancies, and with no family close by I have no idea how I could cope with any more small people to care for. I like knowing I am currently weaning for the last time!

[SweetKate]

We agreed on one after DS was born. Then I got broody and eventually DH agreed to another baby and DD is now 19 months. We have never formally talked about it but I know that we won't have any more. Two works for us.

However, I have thought about no 3 a lot - probably because I know it won't happen. Today was a real eye opener for me. A friend had her second baby last week and she brought him to school pick-up today. He is a lovely baby but I WAS NOT BROODY! Not in the least. I was actually quite shocked at myself.

I think you know in your heart when you've had your family. Today I realised it myself.

[Haribojoe]

I have always wanted 4 DC (unless I win the lottery and then the sky's the limit).

Since having DS3 (18 weeks) have not been so sure, only because I feel like I've got the perfect family. Having said this I'm not sure how I will feel as time goes on.

I sat DH down and asked him honestly how he would feel if I said I really wanted another baby, although I'm not sure if I want one myself.

He sighed and said if I really want another one then yes.

Now I think that I probably will go for DC4 once DS3 is a bit older but I know that it will be my last baby.

Even though I feel that 4 is my limit, the thought of knowing I won't have anymore babies will make me feel sad.

I'm such a sap

[saggarmakersbottomknocker]

I always wanted 3. After 3 I would have liked another but we couldn't afford it - needed bigger house, bigger car etc, etc. So we stopped.

[TheVisitor]

Up until a couple of years ago, I would happily have had another (I have 4). Now I'm coming up to 41, I am SO glad I didn't. The thought of another baby fills me with horror, and whilst I like babies, I'm very happy to hand them back after a quick hold.

[babybouncer]

I'm amazed at the number of large families talked about here - I've never considered more than two, but now I feel like I'm in the minority! For me, more children than hands feels too difficult. I'm also not a huge fan of children/babies in general (obviously, it's different when they're mine!), so I've never had a great yearning to be surrounded by them.

[dikkertjedap]

Always wanted two, but dd's birth was horrific and both dd and I nearly died due to medical negligence (midwives, nurses and doctors not being on speaking terms with each other and more busy with their little feuds than looking after me during labour). Picked up hospital infection during labour as well, lots of problems with dd in first year due to birth. This resulted in dh and myself deciding not to have another child as we were concerned that I might actually not so lucky to survive labour if I was to end up in a similar situation (small chance I know but on NHS everything is possible) and did not want risk of dd not having a mom. Still feel sad about it, but will not change though.

[tallulah]

I am the eldest of 2 and knew I couldn't have 2. After the 3rd we didn't feel finished and went for a 4th. With 4 under 6 yo we had neither the time nor the energy to even consider any more. They grew up and we moved into a new phase of life, but it still felt like someone was missing.

No 5 came along when DC4 was 15. We did consider having another so she wouldn't be an only but decided to wait for the first wave of hormones to die down. I'm glad we did, because I know now that we are finished. The family feels complete. I would love to have another baby, but I know I do not want another child.

I've never felt like this before, and was getting concerned I never would, but we have stopped at 5.

[weegiemum]

We decided after 2 to stop.

Then I lost my mirena, we have 3.

I was so dangerously unwell in pg with dd2 that dh had a vasectomy before she was even born (and they don't do that lightly!).

After my experiences, more was never an option!

[TheFallenMadonna]

I thought I wanted 3, always did, but since my second, I have never felt that desire to have another child, like I did after my first.

We kept on not saying never until about a year ago (DD now 6), and then it took DH a year to work up to a vasectomy. I was mightily relieved.

[Linnet]

Dh and I always talked hypothetically about having 3 children,or maybe I just talked and he nodded along,lol

Anyway we stopped at 2, we have 6 and a half years between them and after dd2 was born I felt that I was done and didn't want to have anymore and dh agreed. Then there are all the mundane grown up reasons like we don't have any more space, we can't afford any more etc etc.

The only thing that bothers me slightly is that we started our family early and now that our two are older all our friends are just starting out so I'm surrounded by babies which makes me a bit sad sometimes that we didn't have a third but on other days I'm happy that the nappy stage, teething stage etc is all behind me.

[Shodan]

I have a rule: one child per husband.

I am on my second marriage and do not intend to trade this one in, so I am stopping at two children.

My sister has a similar rule, but hers is 2 children per husband. She is pregnant with her fourth.

[bronze]

My husband made the decision but as we have 4 I can see why. He had the snip during my last pregnancy.
Feels odd as I'm 29 (for a tiny weeny bit longer) and a lot of my friends are only just starting their families

[TettyLouBar]

Thanks for all your replies peeps.

I too am amazed at the amount of larger families on this thread. I was expecting lots of similar replies with 2 kids! Don't really know why though!

I have a bit of a dilemma, due to my mums extensive breast cancer history I'm told I would be better to stay away from oestrogen based pills.( was on them for 9-10 years befire kids)
I was using progesterone only before I got preggers with DC2 (39+3 today!) I didn't get on with progesterone only pill as it made me go right off sex - completely. That was horrible.
I tried the injection a few years back and that gave me constant periods for 6 months.
In light of recent media coverage the implant is out.
I would NEVER consider a coil as I'm a nurse and have worked in Gynae for a while recently and have heard/seen some horror stories.
So its either sterilisation or the snip?
But the reason I started this thread in the first place is because I want to know we are both sure of this decision.

DH appears to be very sure but you know men - I have difficulty getting him to talk about his real concerns he just nods along with me.
I have brought up the subject of snip with him and I get the distinct inpression that he's frightened stiff ('scuse the pun) of having it done.

I dont mind the thought of being sterilised but is that my only option?
Am I missing an option here? any thoughts?

[babybouncer]

'In the light of recent media coverate the implant is out' - I'd go and discuss it with your doc as the media scare didn't really show the whole picture.

[RhinestoneCowgirl]

I have the implant, I have had no problems with it (athough I know people who have, irregular bleeding etc). No method of contraception is 100%, failure rate for implant is less than 1%, so it is unsurprising that some women have become pregnant.

I have 2 (always thought I wanted 3) but have this feeling that we won't have any more - just have to get DH to agree to the snip.

[bibbitybobbityhat]

Stopped at 2 because I was very nearly 41 when dc2 was born.