Coping with a toddler and newborn? Please help.

[ClarasMummy]

DS is a week old now and is a little angel so far, DD however is going through a difficult time adjusting and her behaviour has become incredibly difficult to deal with. I literally have no idea how I'll cope with both of them when DP goes back to work. I don't know how I'll keep the house in a decent state or even find time to go to the bathroom.
I'm coming out of a severe bout of depression which doesn't help.
How do those of you with a newborn and toddler cope by yourselves? Any tips/ideas would be so appreciated as I really am terrified of next week when DP goes back to work.

[HeroShrew]

Hi ClarasMummy - no advice as I only have one of the above (a v. willful 18mo so I have huge admiration for anyone with two under three!) but bumping for you. How old is your toddler?

[Greeninkmama]

Ciarasmummy, the best thing you can do is minimise expectations of yourself. You can't do much beyond looking after the children - house is bound to be messy for a start. Ask your DH to sort you and the toddler out a packed lunch before he leaves in the morning - that can be godsend. Feeding time is good time to snuggle up with toddler and read or watch DVD. Baby nap time is good time for you and toddler to take a nap together. .. Basically do as little as you can. Good luck.

[Hammerlikedaisies]

Clarasmummy, everyone finds it hard work looking after a toddler and baby at the same time, and I agree with Greeninkmama.

Also, you are just at the beginning of an incredibly rich and rewarding time of your life. This stage - if you don't have another child - will last for about five years, which might seem a lot, but will fly by, and each day some things get easier, while other problems might emerge. As you solve each problem (and you will!) you'll become more prepared for and skilled at solving future ones. Just give yourself a pat on the back from time to time, and remember that you are doing the most important job in the world!

What worries me about your post is your depression. I really hope you are out of it or at least getting help for it. Do you have family and friends who can help you, nearby? Also, are you getting enough sleep?

Finally, parent and toddler playgroups really helped me when I was in your position. Both baby and toddler were occupied, and it was time when I could sit, dazed as I was, and recharge my batteries.

[MammyG]

Have been thru same. Gather up as much support as you can even if its just going to someone elses house to space out for a while. I second the parent and toddler groups. Do you have a routine for your toddler? I just aimed at getting the baby into more or less the same routine. For me 16 weeks was the golden number. Major growth spurts out of the way. Night time feeding has settled down and he was in regular naps. The biggest nap coincided with DS1 so I had almost 2 hours in the day to have lunch and recharge.

Get washed and dressed first in the morning. Let the toddler play and give him a banana or something while he waits. You will feel a lot better when you are 'up and running' yourself. Get out every day even if its for a short walk. For a few weeks send the laundry out to a laundrette. Cook easy foods or better yet rope in a mate or two to do some dishes for the freezer, esp for the toddler.
Have a toybox or cupboard so you can quickly clear all toys and clutter away in the evening.
Can I just add that I can be ocd about the house. I have to actively take time out and remind myself that the only person putting pressure on me is me! and that my priority at the end of the day is the children so sometimes I have to just dump things in the spare room where they cant taunt me and go and play with the kids instead.
Just remember with a new baby you are all getting to know each other and finding your way. It takes time! So go easy on yourself! It is more important that you have a cup of tea in peace and quiet at spells during the day and evening than doing ironing or whatever. The newborn stage passes in 6 weeks so enjoy your baby! Its a very precious time so just breathe!

[ClarasMummy]

Well so far I am failing miserably and feel on the brink of a total nervous collapse. It's really been a hard couple of years and the stress of the new baby feels like it might be the straw that broke the camels back.
My relationship looks like it might be on the way out too. Not sure how to get myself right again this time.

[Mobly]

The first few weeks are by far the hardest. You probably have the baby blues, you are still physically exhausted from the birth- please be kind to yourself.

I'm sorry you are having relationship difficulties too :(

What offers of help do you have for when your DP goes back to work?

[ramblingmum]

From your last post I understand there is more to this than the children . I hope you are geting support with your depression.
One thing that I found very usefull was a good sling. I had a moby wrap. It ment that I didnt have to put the baby down to see to dd1. She could even feed in it as dd1 always seemed to need the potty just after I started feeding.

[Roo83]

Hope you are feeling a bit brighter this morning. Things are tough with a newborn and toddler-my baby is now 17 weeks and I honestly can't really remember a time when I only had one. Things get much easier as time goes on and you get into a routine. Try to get out as much as possible-toddler groups,soft play,the park....anywhere where your toddler can run around and you and baby can sit quietly. A sling is great for the park as you can still help your toddler on/off things if needed. Be kind to yourself and your partner-new babies put a lot of strain on relationships,I think as mothers we're programmer to put baby first (rightly so) which can sometimes be hard on a partner. Hope this sorts itself out