Routine

[anythingwithagiraffeonit]

I have a 12 week old DD with no real routine outside of feeds and night time...

A friend of mine told me, with great detail, her 12 week olds routine, same walk time everyday, same playtime, a cartoon time... Nap times...

How old is / are your DC's and what's your routine?? I need some help!

[waffle3]

I havent really got one and was worried too. Its hard work to get my lo to sleep so my day revolves around that. Have just posted!!

The day just a very long one at the min with lots of crying as he gets overtired.
I envy anyone who has an angel baby!! They tend to be the parents with all the advice ive noticed!! [hmmm]

X

[waffle3]

is what i meant lol
My ds is 10 weeks.
xx

[EauRouge]

My DD is 2.3 and doesn't have a routine Don't worry, 12 wo is tiny and it will do no harm at all to not have a routine- how will your DD know if she's not napping at the same time every day?

If you find a routine makes your life easier then by all means try and get some kind of structure to your day but don't think that it will be damaging to your DD if she has a bath an hour later than she did last time. Also don't stress yourself out trying to get her to sleep if she's not tired or making her wait for a feed if she's hungry (especially if you are BF, this is best done on demand).

If you're like me and thrive on chaos then you don't need to come up with a routine at all.

[sunndydays]

I put my dd into a routine at 6 weeks and I am so glad I did, it is perfect for us you need to do what is right for you and your dd, whatever works best for you and whatever you are happiest with, don't worry about what anyone else does/thinks :)

[anythingwithagiraffeonit]

sunndydays - do you mind me asking what your routine is? X

[PipIsOutNow]

dont worry about routines...i can remember posting something similar when my ds was 8 weeks but iv just gone with his lead ie feed him when he's hungry, let him sleep when he's tired- no structure at all. then he started sorting himself into a routine and settling down/getting tired around the same times. he is nearly 6 months now and we have somehow managed to get into our own routine with feeding, bath time and naps and he goes to bed same time every time to within half hour flexibility

what im trying to say is what loads of people told me...try to relax and not worry about a routine too much because chances are things will sort themselves out. 12 weeks is very young. just plenty of cuddles needed now before they get too big and grow up and dont want our cuddles!! good luck

[ethelina]

Only the vague one Boy put himslef in at about 8-10 weeks. (16 weeks now):

feed every 2-3 hours daytimes from 6am onwards.
Nap 1 hour between 11am & 1pm
2 further small naps roughly between 2.30pm & 5pm (varies, not always 2)
Ready for bed by 7pm latest. DH does cream,(eczema), pyjamas, milk & bed, takes about 30-40 mins altogether.
Usually wakes around 10.30pm for feed.
1 or 2 night feeds.

He put himself in this set-up. If it changes because we're out he can be a little git at bedtime.

[ethelina]

Oh and we do different things every day, no set time for walks etc, except try to avoid his big nap time now because he's just recently started staying awake and alert in the buggy instead of instant sleep.

[MoonFaceMamaaaaargh]

If you would like a routine go for one.

but do not ever feel that you should "get" your baby in to a routine. Be it for your baby, your friend, whoever!

TBH your friend's life sounds like my idea of hell.

Get a sling if you can (or make one out of a length of fabric) as it is much easier to get on with doing what ever you want to do. Let your baby sleep and feed as they like...they will find their own routine in time.

[putthekettleon]

your friend's routine sounds a bit bonkers. Same walk time every day? Cartoon time for a 12 week old??!! It also sounds a bit restrictive - what if she wants to meet a friend for coffee but it clashes with cartoon time?

With both DDs I've never had more than a vague structure to the day. I found you naturally fall into more of a routine once they are on solids. DD2 is now 6 months and has a morning and afternoon nap (but times vary) and since weaning has 3 meals a day and BFs at roughly the same time each day. With DD1 I did have a bedtime routine from 5 weeks, but DD2 isn't having any of it!

At 12 weeks just feed, cuddle and go with the flow I say .

[JazzieJeff]

Hi anything is it that you want to sort a routine because you're unhappy or because you feel you should? If you feel you should, don't put pressure on yourself. It's not worth it! Your friend's routine sounds almost too far the other way IMO. The same walk EVERY day?! For real?! I'd rather shoot myself.

If you're unhappy with your situation though, (fwiw I was really unhappy at first with DS in the early weeks because I never knew where I was) the best advice I can give is to get a bunch of books, read up and either follow one or make up your own using the guidance they give. You're bound to find something that agrees with your situation. I found it took a few weeks to get a pattern going, but I found it really made my life a lot easier. I'm actually on your post natal forum, so if there's anything I can help you with, leave me a message on there and I'll talk to you more on there because routine is a super sensitive topic on MN and I don't want to offend anyone!

[TheSugarPlumFairy]

i found quite early on that I needed structure to my day so did as jazziejeff suggested and read up a bunch of baby guru type books and adapted a plan for us from those.

We mostly did the baby whisperer because it seemed to offer me the most flexibility but within a structure if that makes sense.

The idea is that the day follows a pattern that is repeated but not a schedule if you see what i mean. Baby wakes to Eat, has an Activity, goes back down for a Sleep and then you have You time (E.A.S.Y). Repeat ad nauseum until bedtime at intervals appropriate for your baby.

Worked very well for us and DD thrived. It doesn't work for everyone though.

[anythingwithagiraffeonit]

To be honest i'm asking because I feel sort of lost... I get a really nervous just before 9 when I know she's going to wake up...

It feels so mean to write this because by all accounts she's such a good baby...

She feeds really well (5oz 5/6 times a day) and sleeps from midnight till about 9am. But I don't know WHAT to do with her! I have a big panic all day long till DH finishes work..

I feel like I need a routine so that we have stuff to do.. Maybe it's because my job was shift work and so full on, or maybe because suddenly she actually gets bored and isn't content to sit / lay / be held.. But suddenly it's quite a scary situation.

Sorry!! I had to vent! Xxx

[MoonFaceMamaaaaargh]

It is good to vent!

It sounds like you need to get out.

Maybe is less the regularity of youur friends day that you are wondring about....more that it is full?

DO you have a local childrens centre (that isn't about to be shut down )?

SOme churches run baby things me thinks...

Mumsnet local? (where are you?)

Any friends locally who have babies (or are broody)?

Park you can wonder around and platonically chat up other mums?

It sounds like your baby is pretty sorted routine wise imho...very regular sleep and eat pattern...(don't be suprised if this changes...they do this......)

I would second what I said above...do what you want to do...walks...galleries...shopping...at this age everything is amazing for them (so amazing they can happily sleep through lots of it! )

Remember the time before mat leave...how did you dream of spending your days? Leave out the pub based bits and there you go!

On a serious note...do be sure you aren't suffering from pnd (not something I know about, sorry, but no doubt much help to be had on here if you are worried)

[TheSugarPlumFairy]

why dont you look at joining some baby classes or mum and baby groups. She probably wont get too much out of them just yet but it will give you a task for the day.

Also, and this may reflect my anal personality but i used to have a rotation of toys i would give to DD during her play time. We had a play gym that i would put her under, an a bouncy chair she would go in, a play mat for tummy time etc. some days we would just go for a walk or take ourselves into town for some window shopping. I miss those cruisy days now i am back at work.

[sunndydays]

anything sorry I haven't been on for a while...Basically it was this:

7am wake and feed (no matter what time she had woken at night I always started the day the same)
8am wash and dress
8:30am nap (this is when she was suddenly really tired again) I would let her sleep for up to an hour
10:30 feed
11:30 (usually) Go down for a nap, it was always about two hours from when she fell asleep
2pm wake (if not already) and feed
4pm (two hours after waking) Go down for a nap for up to an hour
6pm start bath then feed and in bed by 7pm

I never tried to worry about the routine and I always say no matter what happens (and I think this whether you have a routine or not) always start and finish the day the same way and remember if it all goes wrong you can start again tomorrow

[sunndydays]

Oh also dd was a very sleepy baby so I always had to wake her for feeds and had no trouble getting her to nap, but that was just her, not sure the next one (eek!) will be the same

[aPixieInMyCaramelLatte]

DS2 is 16weeks.

His routine is:

Eat when he wants
Sleeps when he wants
with a few nappy changes in between

He is washed, changed and dressed in PJ's by 7.00pm ready for bed then he gets put down in his basket whenever he falls asleep.

However, he seems to have developed the timings himself so he's usually awake 6/7am, feeds, play for a bit, feeds at 9/9.30ish, naps at 9.30-10.30, feeds, play time, feeds at 11.30ish, naps 12.30-2.30ish, feeds, play time, nap 4-5pm, feeds, Playtime, gets ready for bed, Feeds on and off until he falls asleep between 8 & 9pm

[Porcelain]

5 months and none whatsoever. Well that's a lie, he has his own little routine, his morning is fairly predictable, he likes to lie in with feeds every couple of hours. He tends to have a good nap late afternoon, unless we have been out in the car earlier and he slept then He must be up in the bedroom at 10, although he may not sleep for another hour or so, he will fuss and grizzle if I don't take him up to have his bedtime nappy and get into his grobag at 10-1030. He gets fed when he is hungry, sleeps when he is tired and gets washed when he smells (well not quite, but you get the picture)

Bedtime is about the only routine I bothered with, just that he was upstairs and settling. I was asked why not an early bedtime, I'd rather he slept from 10 to 6 than 7 to 3! I can see his late afternoon nap being shifted into an early bedtime but I'm not pushing it.

The joy of a routine free baby is that you don't need to worry about breaking the routine. He will sleep anywhere, take a feed early if I need to leave him, travelling doesn't bother him, I take him to restaurants, out in town all day, to the cinema (afternoons only, babes in arms are allowed, he feeds and sleeps in the dark room). The only thing I can't do is activities before 10am, he's not a morning person.

[MrsMc82]

DS had a rountine right from bringing him home in the begining but it was DEFINITELY for my benefit rather than his - I clutched The Baby Book by Rachel Waddilove at all times and used it like a to do list as was terrified that I'd forget to do something and "break" the baby.......

I drove myself a little insane (god know what I'd have been like if he hadn't naturally wanted to sleep at the times the book said but I guess I was lucky that ds fitted into them as really don't believe you can "train" a baby to sleep when a book says some don't like daytime sleep and some need a nap after a couple of hours - they're all different.......) and after a while had to remind myself that it was just a guide and that the world would not fall in if DS slept longer than the allotted time or if he was fed after slightly longer than 4 hours.........

I guess if you feel like you're never getting out of the house and never getting anything done (even getting washed or dressed seems like it is a nightmare) then go for it (I'd recommend the rachel waddilove one and some friends really like baby whisperer) BUT don't worry if it doesn't "work" and just use it as a guide and don't get too hung up on it - that was mistake I made and I ended up putting too much pressure on myself to get DS to do - I kind of forgot he was a little human and not a little robot that doesn't necessarily want to what the book says at the right time everyday!

Most useful things I leart re daytime naps was to look for signs of (tiredness, yawning, rubbing eyes, tired whinging) before putting down for a nap (which seemed to happen at around the "right" time)
and to try keep an eye on how long DS had been awake for as tiny babies usually can only stay awake for a max of 2hrs without being tired....... this second one helped when he was crying and had been fed,changed, wasn't to hot or too cold etc so by illimination iif he'd been awake 2hr ish I guessed he was crying because he was tired........

Also would say that sometimes on mumsnet/forums generally "routine" seems to be a dirty word, those that don't like the use of routines often flame those who feel like they'd benefit from routine - if you do want to follow a rouitne just remember that it suits some mums and not others there's no right and wrong about it....... So if it works for you don't doubt yourself just cos you notice someone else on a forum says somethinfg about rouitines being the route of all evil.... Or words to that effect (talking from experience DH came home to me in tears because had read a thread that was rather anti routine and I was convinced that had broken the baby!)

Good luck :o and enjoy the tiny baby stage whatever you chose to do!

[naturalbaby]

i found my 2 got themselves into bit of a routine around 12weeks. i tried to start the day at 7am unless they had a feed around 6am and had a lie in till 8ish. i went out almost every morning for something to do/ fresh air/excercise - baby group, long walk with buggy, walk round shops, swimming. then had a lazy afternoon and a nap after lunch when baby did. i then started a bedtime routine to get them used to settling in their cot on their own - bath or massage with dim lighting and nice music on then bed for 7pm.