Ok... So here's a new one, 5 week old too independent.

[JazzieJeff]

So I know this is silly, and I should in reality be thanking my stars but I'm starting to worry a bit about this. My 5 week old DS is really independent. I don't really know how to start...

He is in his own cot atm because DH's snoring disturbed him and within ten days started squeaking when we put him in his Moses basket and thrashing around. Our room is too small for a cot, so just on the offchance, I tried putting him in his cot and watching him. He literally rolled over and slept soundly
He has a bath and goes to bed about half six I guess and takes 2 quick feeds at about 10:45 and again at about 4-4:30. He gets up with me at about 7 (so DH can see him before work). If he wakes up and can't get back to sleep, he cries louder if you pick him up. I have to pat him like a bloody dog or stroke him and he goes sleepy again. When we have a cuddle before bed, when he gets tired it's like he wants his own space. He does this insane wriggling thing that makes him almost impossible to hold and it's like he's forcing you to put him down. If you ignore that, he screams in your face until the minute you put him down.

He kicks on his playmat for ages, chattering to himself and I do read him stories and help him play with his toys, but he's not hugely interested. Should he be? If I let him, he'd stare out if the window for an hour, he would. He does smile when he's drifting off to sleep, but never at me. I'm pleased he's comfortable in his own skin, and he does love cuddles but he's just as happy kicking on his mat. I thought he'd need me more, want to be close to me more and be more clingy.

Could all this be a sign of some kind of mental impairment? He seems so un-bothered by me sometimes.

[MollysChambers]

I really wouldn't worry. At five weeks eating and sleeping is really all they're interested. My DD2 and DD3 hated being held when they were tired - just wanted to be put down in their beds to sleep. With hindsight I think DD1 was the same but I didn't realise. Would have saved much pacing if I'd just put her down!

[Firawla]

i dont think it's that unusual? and may make life easier for you really as time goes on, so wouldn't worry too much

[GoldenGreen]

My ds was just like this - didn't like being "handled" too much. He grew to be an affectionate cuddly toddler though, if that helps at all? He is still cuddly now at 4.6.

DD is 6 months old and is completely the opposite - wants to be held the whole time!

At 5 weeks it's still early to get "real" smiles, so don't think you need worry.

[HelenLG]

Sounds like DS, he's very independant. We're at 18 weeks now and sometimes it feels like he'd rather be anywhere else in the world than with me.

The smiling does get better, he will start to giggle as well.

I just put it down to DS wanting to learn and do everything. Cuddles are just to restrictive. I steal sleepy cuddles at dreamfeed time.

[Goingspare]

I think he's what my mother's generation called a 'good baby', in that you can put him down and get on with fettling your mangle or whatever.

And you've spotted the fact that he wants to be put down when he's tired (we don't all get that). 5 weeks is a bit young to be smiling at you, so don't think he's avoiding contact with you; he's likely to be pulling random faces as he falls asleep. He'll become more responsive to stories and toys as he gets older, but it's lovely that you are reading to him already, as the sound of your voice will make him feel safe and calm. He loves cuddles, you say, and likes to be stroked, but he also likes looking around and doesn't like a lot of fuss when he's tired. He sounds ideal.

I've not had a little baby for a while - should you be letting him roll over to sleep, or does he need to be kept on his back?

[JazzieJeff]

Oh sorry goingspare, I didn't make myself clear; he goes to sleep on his back, but with his head turned away from the door towards the wall and therefore away from me.

I worry that perhaps I bore him; he doesn't really want his baby gym or toys though and seems just as happy if I talk to him about anything that comes into my head. Like I say, he'd lay looking out the window all day on his own, but I tend to cart him about the house with me on his play mat as I get on with housework or whatever. This does make me worry though because should I be making more of an effort to interact on his level??? I.E more stories, singing etc? I'm concerned I'm not stimulating him enough and he's bored of me and doesn't like me

[AMumInScotland]

Babies that age just aren't interested in baby gyms or toys - he's probably just very happy to eat and sleep and watch the world go by, and hear you chatting away so he knows you're around. TBH small babies just aren't that interactive - you've got the kind that wants a bit of space, others always want to be held. But neither kind actually do very much or pay much attention to toys or what you do to "amuse" them.

Do you get to meet up with other mums and babies? That can help you to see what others are like and how they all react (or don't) to thinks.

He won't be bored - either of you or in general. He's just quietly taking it all in.

[Goingspare]

Oh, OK, JJ, no problem then.

Honestly, 5 weeks is so young - his needs at the moment are food, sleep and to feel comfortable and safe. When he isn't sleepy, talk to him (as you obviously do), sing, play 'peepo', but don't expect a lot back in return yet. Please don't think he doesn't like you - you are his world, and you seem to be very tuned in to what he needs.

HelenLG - I had one like yours (and one who clung to me like a baby monkey and didn't care about the rest of the world). She's very loving and affectionate, but still can't sit still for long (13 now).

[frakkinup]

Oh it's not that at all!

Babies' brains get easily overloaded and it sounds like your little chap is sensitive to too much stimulation from what you say.

Just keep chatting and singing to him and soon he'll give you more of an idea what interaction he wants later. You're his mummy, he isn't bored of you and he doesn't need any more interaction or excitement than everyday goings on.

[nickypomtimes]

ds1 was like that

now a very sociable haappy wee lad and was a v happy baby.


ds2, however....


fret not op, you are listening to and responding to his needs. fab.

[togarama]

Sometimes it can just be personality showing from an early age too.

My mum tells us that one of my younger brothers (now the gruffest, most manly, engineering one) was always like your son and didn't want any cuddles or fuss from an early age. She was worried that lack of cuddles would be damaging to him and was always trying to grab him for a snuggle. He just wriggled impatiently and tried to get back to whatever he had been doing.

He's actually a very kind, loving person but he showed this in what he did rather than through cuddles and "I love yous". e.g. He tried to design and build a lightning conductor to protect the house and family when he was 3-4 - bless.

[CarGirl]

My dc2 was like this, just loved her own space etc she is actually the most sensitive of all of my dc! So perhaps go with the he gets overstimulated too easily approach.

[QueenOfFlamingEverything]

My DS (14 weeks) is a bit like this.
DD (7) was a very cuddly baby, she wanted to be held all the time, loved being carried in a sling, and would feed for hours on end.
DS is completely different. He won't fall asleep in my arms, though when he was very tiny he would fall asleep sprawled on DP.

Generally we have to bounce him in his boucy chair to get him to sleep, or pat him disconcertingly hard on the back. He won't feed for any reason other than hunger either - no long snuggly comfort feeds.
He also, somewhat annoyingly, isn't keen on his sling. He likes it for a bit but can't seem to drop off it in so screams blue murder and arches his back when he gets tired.
He is very interactive in other ways though. Smily, giggly, follows conversations with his eyes, likes to sit on my knee when awake, just needs space to fall asleep.

[JamieLeeCurtis]

JazzieJeff - DS1 was like that, and I worried too.....

Worried that he didn't "need" me. That he was mentally impaired in some way. Right from day 1 he was just very contented to be on his own - staring at lights or fringes on sofa throws. Did not need constant cuddling, but was happy to be held. I used to think I had to interact with him/teach him all the time. I felt a bit useless.
He smiled at 6 weeks but did not do the whole film-star-look-at-me-smiling thing to get attention.

Some babies get over-stimulated at this age when they are trying to get to sleep while being held.

All of this was in marked contrast to DS2.

Now DS1 is 10 - he has excellent concentration - really plays by himself - lego/Hornby etc, unlike a lot of his peers. He is sociable and has lots of friends, but doesn't "need" people in the same way as other personalities do. He is very affectionate though, and tells me he loves me all the time.

I agree with lots of the others. This could be a reflection of his personality - I think certain traits show up early. But he is also really really tiny. Try not to worry!!!!

[happygilmore]

DD was a bit like this initially, she would scream when she got tired if you held her, her body would go all stiff etc... I thought she didn't like me much either but looking back I can see that was me being a bit silly.

Fast forward a few months and she is so smiley, cuddly and wants to be held all the time.

They change so much and it really is very young..I bet you're posting on mumsnet in a few weeks asking for advice because your baby won't be put down for five seconds without crying :)

[FruitSaladIsNotPudding]

Babies that age just aren't interested in much - and he's obviously contented. He would let you know if he weren't!

He sounds lovely, actually. I'm sure I read in one of my baby books that babies are learning the most when they are in that quiet alert mode, so don't worry.

And enjoy it! I had a baby who couldn't be put down - I would get up, put her in the sling over my pyjamas and that would be it some days - I couldn't even put her down to get dressed. It was horrible! But I had friends who had very laid back babies like yours, and to be honest, at 9mo you now can't tell the difference, they are all active, babbling, noisy.

[Lovethesea]

DD was like this too - she hated the sling and loved her own space for sleeping. Then again, so do I! I was just surprised she was like that from day one.

DS seems similar - he gets gurney and arches his back a fair bit when he needs a nap. All he wants is a quiet place to lay down in the corner of the lounge and he drifts off to sleep.

I found both of them turned away when it was all too much stimulation - Ds is 5 months now and still looks away at times and just wants to be put down on the floor to ponder it all in peace.