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Should i strongly encourage DS to go to a birthday party? or just say no...

(19 Posts)
Concordia Thu 11-Nov-10 23:27:22

DS is 4, just started reception.
Isn't particularly sociable, but talks about other children. prefers to make models and play trains than be sociable. but the teachers say he does interact with the other children.
he's been invited to a birthday party of a boy in his class. he says he doesn't like the boy as he said something nasty about one of his models and he doesn't like the idea of the party (sport). he said straight away hedoesn't want to go.
often he is a bit reluctant to try new things - needed to visit the place where fireworks night would be for example, beforehand, to prepare him for going. i find him a bit aspergery, but he is probably just 4. should i accept the invite and tell him he's going and convince him in the meantime and risk a scene in front of other mums / children or just say no?

harecare Thu 11-Nov-10 23:30:10

Would you go to a party of someone who was horrid to you and you didn't like the theme? Maybe to be polite, but he doesn't need to go for politeness as the other kid won't notice.

mumblechum Thu 11-Nov-10 23:30:53

There's a fab book by Shirley Williams about a little boy called Alfie who is worried about going to a loud boy's party. Can't remember what it was called now, but you could Google it for this and future parties.

I'd be incllined not to push it if he's really not keen.

mumblechum Thu 11-Nov-10 23:31:57

Sorry, Shirley Hughes, not Williams.

Concordia Thu 11-Nov-10 23:32:48

actually from what i can see the other kid isn't horrid, he probably just said one thing and it has stuck in DS's mind. they disagreed on what models to make or something (DS's explanation was a bit confused)
i know that DS will not enjoy the sport theme though...

Concordia Thu 11-Nov-10 23:35:03

i suppose my gut reaction is not to push, but then i don't want him to be left out of friendship groups etc etc.
thanks for the book recommendation, will look it up.
he's only been invited to one other party and we went to the play gym the week beforehand to get him prepared. actually he didnt' want to go to that one either, but i think he enjoyed it when he was actually there, mostly.
hmm, he's a bit like me, i'm never that keen on going to parties, but i do tend to enjoy them if i make the effort!

MinkyBorage Thu 11-Nov-10 23:35:39

I'd agree that you shouldn't push him to go, but maybe make speak to the mum of the boy saying he's a little shy and you don't want to push him as just starting shcool etc etc, but please invite him next time as you know he'd love to come if he wasn't so shy.

mumblechum Thu 11-Nov-10 23:38:20

"Alfie Gives A Hand".

I loved those Alfie books when my boys were little.

BumpedUpandOut Thu 11-Nov-10 23:38:57

Maybe pop to a toystore or bookshop with DS to pick out a present for the boy. If your DS then seems a bit more interested in going, great. If not, well, he knows his own mind! Just hand the boy a present and an apology and there won't be any hard feelings.

Concordia Thu 11-Nov-10 23:42:00

have just found alfie gives a hand on amazon.
hmm, hadn't thought of being so honest with the other mum and was just going to think of an excuse blush
but i think you are right minkyborage. she seems nice and i think she i'm sure she will understand.

Concordia Sat 13-Nov-10 15:29:47

have got the present which he was very keen to choose himself, but he still doesn't wnat to go confused

ChasingSquirrels Sat 13-Nov-10 15:41:41

I remember hating having to go to parties as a child (not close friend ones, but school-class-mates ones), I didn't want to go before hand, I didn't enjoy it when there. I still don't like parties, and spend the time before hand not wanting to go.

If my ds's don't want to a go to a party, we turn down the invite.

Concordia Sat 13-Nov-10 17:42:35

hmmm, DH said that he used to hate parties as a child too.
have tried a bit more cajoling with DS but he is admanant he doesn't want to go.

YunoYurbubson Sat 13-Nov-10 17:46:51

I don't think you should make him go.

It's not likely that a sport themed party of a boy your ds doesn't care for is going to turn him into a party loving socialite.

Gently encourage him to go when it is a party he will enjoy, and a child he likes. Not this time.

phipps Sat 13-Nov-10 17:48:57

I wouldn't make him go. TBH you have years of present buying and delivering to aprties to do and wouldn't be desperate to start before you have too. IME whether you go to parties or not has no bearing on friendships. Unless you mean the mothers' friendships or not as the case may be.

Smithagain Sat 13-Nov-10 23:07:47

Just make an excuse. Don't tell the mum he doesn't want to - just say you've already got plans. Keep the present for the next child that invites him.

I can still remember enduring parties I didn't want to go to as a kid. I wouldn't go to a party I didn't fancy, so I don't see why a four year old should have to.

Concordia Sun 14-Nov-10 14:54:19

thanks for your advice. it is supposed to be enjoyable after all!

Concordia Sun 14-Nov-10 14:54:52

so i won't strongarm him into going. he is very keen to give the present though confused

immanuelkant Sun 14-Nov-10 15:03:02

I would just send a text message saying something like "Thanks for the invitation to X's party. Sorry but we won't be able to make it this time. Hope X really enjoys his birthday. See you xx"

I wouldn't get into excuses etc - you can tie yourself in knots that way.

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