attachment style parents: how long can you leave a baby to cry?

[MamaChris]

I tend towards the attachment style of parenting, but with 4wo twins and a 2yo find I am having to leave the babies to cry sometimes, or completely ignore ds which I can't do either. I can't wear both at once, as they're already too heavy.

This morning all three were screaming at once, and I feel torn apart, remembering stuff I read a while back (no time to find it now) about damaging babies if you leave them to cry. Is there anything reassuring anyone knows about leaving babies to cry or a few minutes only?

[Indith]

From what I have read, it is repeated, prolonged periods of leaving that can cause damage. You really don't have to worry about a few mins while you are sorting out another child. The leap form one to 2 is huge, you have a whole new set of juggling skills to learn. It must be so much more difficult with twins.

What I have seen time and again on here is the advice to let the baby cry while you sort out the older one. The baby won't hold it against you and then of course you can take time dealing with the baby knowing that the toddler is sorted and happy. It certainly made sense when I had my second, even if you feel like the worst parent in the world when the baby is crying for a feed but you are trying ot cook dinner for the toddler.

Try to remember to give yourself a break. You are doing a fabulous job. Do you go on the multiples thread at all? The twin or more mums havea regular thread going in the multiples section for support. If you don't already go there then take a look :).

[breadandroses]

Can you wear one twin on your back yet?

It really helped me to cope- youtube carrying multiples.

Look at the multiples thread as Indith has said- They are great though I am too lazy to go on there!

Homestart might come and take your toddler for an hour or two?

Do you have a partner who is around to help?

If so get into bed and feed the babies and let him bath and bed the toddler.

You can get through this, but it is MUCH HARDER WORK than having a single baby, so you just have to head down and keep going, whilst giving yourself a big hug and plenty of gin/chocolate.


Good luck with it all

[MamaChris]

thanks both. I do sort out the older one first, and once sorted he is very good at entertaining himself for 15 minutes or so, which is great.

can't wear one on my back yet - not enough head control for me to feel safe. but that's the plan for the future! what slings did you use b&r?

partner is fantastic with toddler and only works parttime (normally the SAHP). am very grateful for that - don't know how people manage twins and a toddler on their own or with a fulltime WOHP! but still there are times I have to do 3 at once and I crumble (sometimes I crumble with just 2...). will get more chocolate - I have some cherry liquers that are going down well about now :)

[aob1013]

I have one child, so i can't imagine how it works with more than one so i can't offer much advice.

We are attached parents and attend to LO whenever he cries.

I think leaving for LO for a minute or two will cause no harm.

Ally

[breadandroses]

Ok slings:

started with a stretchy or woven wrap.

I tended to use pashmina- type lengths of material as I just felt too damm hot in a long wrap.

You can lean forward, place the baby on your back, spread the material all over (including head) then tie so one side goes over your shoulder and one side goes round your middle under your arm. You may need some help doing this at first

If you feel the head is too wobbly simply add another cloth around your back (African style) to pull it all in comfortably.

This is not the most glamourous option, but great for around the house.

I did cary both dts in a stretchy wrap at first on my front, but you're right, this is very heavy.

The main day to day way of carrying mine was to use a Patapum, though I'm sure other ssc are similar. You can start about now as they have a head support. They are BRILLIANT and you will be amazed at how quickly the baby gets into position on your back ready to be carried. You can of course carry them on your front in it, but maybe for your own sanity you need to work to sometimes carrying one on your back so you have hands free for the others.

For school runs I would sling one in the Patapum on my front or back, and the other in a pashmina on my hip.

I think that's all I have to say about slings covered- my other dc were 3 and 5 when dts born, and dh works away a lot, so putting one on my back was the only way to attend to every one and stay sane. Your situation sounds a bit more relaxed!

[ragged]

5 minutes at that age, without guilt. I don't even have twins, but everyone has to take a turn at being last on my priorities list.

[MamaChris]

b&r, thx. no idea how you managed the school run - amazing! will attempt putting one on my back when dp is around to monitor. we have a stretchy wrap already, so will start with that and see how we get on.