My Boss Makes Me Mad!

[Tippytoes]

Fuming! I was late in for work this morning (very unusual). My mum who is my ds full-time carer while I am at work has just had an operation, so I have left ds with MIL today and it took me an hour to get out of the door with him screaming that he didn't want to stay with her.

I rang my boss to tell him this and he said, never mind, just get in when you can, but that you really should shop letting your 3.5 year old rule your life etc etc.

He has just tried to talk to me about it and I said that I didn't want to as we have different views on childcare. He thinks that 'most' mothers wouldn't be so sensitive as me and they would just walk away leaving them to scream their heads off/making themselves sick.

Am I unusual in caring about the welfare of my ds or is my boss right that I am just not normal?

[Bugsy2]

Don't think you should get involved in a discussion like this with your boss. Yes, you were in a difficult position this morning but it is not actually any of his business what child care arrangements you make - unless of course it is having a detrimental effect on your work.
If the situation ever occurs again, I would be tempted not to be drawn on this subject and keep it work related only.

[Tippytoes]

I know what you mean Bugsy, but we are quite friendly normally, so I do tend to be quite open with him. He just hates anyone to have a differing opinion to his.

Childcare has never affected work ever before. In fact I did ask for a week's parental leave (unpaid) which I understand you are entitled to, but he did give me 3 days 'paid', which was really kind of him as long as I worked today and let MIL have ds, which I knew would be a nightmare, but I didn't have much choice.

[Bugsy2]

Ah, ok - see what you mean now. In that case, I'd probably pretend to agree while keeping my views to myself. Or if I couldn't bring myself to actually agree, say something along the lines of "Oh well, with any luck it won't happen again".
And of course you are absolutely normal in caring about your ds!!!

[Twiglett]

no I don't think its anything to do with your boss how you deal with your kids and I would fume at that too

but I actually think that your DS would find it far easier if you said a quick and firm goodbye, kiss him and leave without looking back .. it will most probably take him a shorter while to settle (normally around 5 mins).. it is a technique used by most childcarers / nurseries once a child is familiar with a place (as I assume he would already be with MIL's house) and helps the child settle quicker

.... also at 3.5 he is old enough to understand why he is at the other granny's house and I assume you would trust your MIL to tell you if he really isn't settling

[Tippytoes]

Twiglett, you are absolutely right about just leaving, but I just can't seem to manage it, hate him being upset. Perhaps I am too protective over him. He doesn't seem to like MIL, although I really don't know why, as she loves him to bits, but he never stays with her on his own, so its just a bit wierd for him.

[koalabear]

for boss I would just say "AHhhhhh" (whilst nodding head) "I'll take that into consideration", and then walk off and ignore comment

[Twiglett]

I know how you feel .. but he will be sensing how torn you are and will dare I say 'put it on more' just to make you stay a little longer .. after all, you are his mummy and he wants to be with you

it is the hardest thing in the world to do .. do something that seems to be 'cruel' to you .. but it really is the best for your child, honest it is

has your MIL told you how he settled / acted after you left??

[Tippytoes]

Koalabear - I did try to be a bit sarcastic (as we can be with each other) and just said 'whatever' when he was trying to preach. How childish of me!!

Twiglett - yes spoke to MIL and she said he had cried behing the setee for about 10 mins, but was then fine. It was more my Boss' attitude that has rubbed me up the wrong way now!

[Twiglett]

Personally I'd have told boss to 'f' off

[koalabear]

oh, i didn't mean to be sarcastic - i meant it to be genuine - it's the only way i get my MIL to stop preaching at me about all the things that I do wrong (and apparently there is a really long list - the latest, which came up today, is that i'm not using the correct pram )