Help me convince my dh that dd doesn't need to lose weight

[WigWamBam]

My dd has decided that my dd is getting fat and that I should be watching what she eats to make sure that she loses some weight. I'm horrified, because she's only 4 years old and I don't want her getting hung up on weight issues. He is concerned because I'm overweight and he thinks that I'm likely to pass it on to her, although our diet is pretty healthy. She does have sweets and crisps sometimes, but not everyday and as part of a good diet I don't think that's a problem. Dh thinks I should stop giving her any sweets at all.

She's 3 stone 4 lb, just on the 98th centile, and she's about 3'7" tall, just under the 98th centile, so as far as I'm concerned she's in proportion. I've tried telling him so, but he still reckons she's getting fat.

Help me convince him that he's being a pillock

[foolysh]

. Think your DH needs a good slapping.

[Lizzylou]

Mr WWW, you are being a pillock!

Your DD sounds in proportion and if she is eating a balanced diet and getting enough exercise leave well alone!!! 4 is too young for weight to become an issue.

[Mothernature]

All children go through a 'fattening up' stage its a growth thing...they fatten up they grow taller etc..tell him not to worry, if she's getting enough exercise and the right food groups... no worries..

[ghosty]

Make sure she eats healthily and gets lots of outdoor exercise and tell him to get a grip. Show him some articles about teenagers with eating disorders.
I have a good friend who developed bulimia in her early teens because her grandfather told her she was fat when she was little.

[Flum]

You don't have to put her on a diet. Just make healthier choices. praps only crisps and sweets at parties, birthdays etc. not as a regular thing.

You could speak to HV about portion sizes and check you are not feeding her too much.

[Gobbledigook]

Sounds like she is perfectly OK to me WWB and she certainly looks fine on the photos I've seen of her.

I really think that making food and eating an issue with any child is a bad thing and to be thinking about weight at 4 yrs old would not bode well for the future I'm sure.

Please Mr WWB - your dd is gorgeous and not in the least bit overweight!

[JoolsToo]

Well she doesn't look overweight on her picture!

I've no idea about percentiles - but whilst she may be in the normal range, at the same time I'm kind of thinking your dh is being sensible in keeping an eye on her. If you have a propensity for being overweight she may well do too and it is becoming a problem these days.

There again actually banning sweets altogether seems a bit harsh.

So what I'm saying is he's being half a pillock

[moonshine]

Omg no! Mr WWW, you should be helping dd foster a positive view about herself no matter what she looks like at any age, not set her up for a lifelong paranoia about her body image.

[foolysh]

The main risk factor for obesity is inactivity; very few active people develop weight problems. If you live a lifestyle where she gets to walk & play a lot now & she manages to carry those habits into adulthood, she's very unlikely to be significantly overweight.

Factors like sweets and genes are only very small contributions to the risk of obesity.

[WigWamBam]

I really don't think we're feeding her too much, she has a bit of chub on her cheeks but to be honest, she's got a really slender body - I have a job to get clothes to fit her because she's as tall as a six year old but has the waist size of a three year old. I can see her ribs, there's not a scrap of spare on her body.

I think he's just paranoid because of my size, but she isn't me, and I'm doing my best not to give her the issues around food that I have.

[WigWamBam]

And we walk (and run ... pant) everywhere - I don't drive, so we have to! We both get a sight more exercise than he does.

[Flum]

oh well in that case WWB just say 'Ok dear' and carry on as normal

[motherinferior]

Well, he's going the best way to ensure she does end up with food problems, isn't he. Pillock. Pillock. PILLOCK

[JoolsToo]

what's he on about then?

[WigWamBam]

My point exactly, JoolsToo. It's the bit of chub around her face that does it. I know she's in proportion, I just wanted a bit of ammunition from people who were removed from the situation to throw at him, and show him that it's not just me who thinks he's over-reacting.

[ghosty]

But she is 4 ... I don't know a 4 year old who doesn't have chub around the face ...
DS is the same ... round face but not an cm of fat anywhere ... he is only just losing his toddler tummy and he is 5.

[WigWamBam]

I'm sure that it's just paranoia because of my weight. I want her to have a healthy relationship with food, not to have things that are banned or "naughty", because that's where problems start. I just want him to see how dangerous it could be to start if banning foods starts to get her fixated on those foods, or on her weight.

[JoolsToo]

Aabsolutely WWB. Anyway, he must know what an intelligent woman he married?

[JoolsToo]

see that Aa at the beginning? I went back to change to a capital 'A' so you didn't shout and forgot to delete the little 'a'

[ionesmum]

I am horrified for both of you! Yes, he's being a pillock, but more than that, he's threatening your dd's health - not just through potential eating disorders but because no little girl should grow up thinking her daddy believes her less than 100% beautiful and she could well have self-esteem issues in other ways apart from food. Hope your dh thinks you 100% beautifil too, WWB!

[ionesmum]

So what about your weight, WWB?

[WigWamBam]

JoolsToo

My weight's not really the issue here, ionesmum. I know I'm obese but the issue here is my concern that my dd doesn't pick up on the problems with food that I have had.

[WigWamBam]

He does think we're both beautiful, he hasn't got a problem with my weight, but he knows it's not ideal and I think he thinks that Abi could end up going the same way.

And she is beautiful, 110%, to both of us.

[ionesmum]

Sorry, WWB, I know your weight isn't an issue. I don't mean so what are you doing about it, I mean, so what does it matter? It should make no difference whatsoever if you are big or not as to how your dd is treated, and I think your dh is unfair to make an issue about your weight with you. And I think you are dead right that your dh is setting up problems for your dd if he makes a big thing about this. I am from a big family too. As I said before, I hope your dh sees both of you as nothing less that 100% beautiful.

[WigWamBam]

Ah, sorry, misunderstood (brains not in yet today .

No, he has never had a problem with my weight at all, I was big when I met him, big when I married him, and it's never been an issue. Which is one of the reasons I'm surprised by his attitude over dd.