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Did I do the right thing?........have I offended them?

(26 Posts)
emmatmg Thu 19-May-05 16:31:40

Ok, I'm going to make my self look like completely ignorant now but I'll post it anyway. It could be long as I have to tell the whole story.

There are 2 muslim mums at Ds's school, they are lovely women and I get on well with both of them. One has a 6month old ds(her ds3) and one is due in june(will be DS3/DD1).

Anyway a few weeks back I did a boot sale and they both bought a few bits and pieces from me. This morning the PG lady asked me if I still had the moses basket stand (I did) and could she buy it from me. I told her she could have it as it's such agro doing the bootsales so she was doing me favour. She insisted on giving me some money and I said I really dont want anything, she asked again so I said "Ok just buy a bar of Chocolate for ds3"

I got the stand out of the loft and found loads of 6-9month baby stuff so I bagged it all up for the other lady. When I saw her at chool I asked her if she'd like it and she asked how much did I want. I didn't want anything again, we've got soooooo much stuff up there it's ridiculous. She seemed quite apprehensive(sp?) about taking it, almost embarrassed even.

Then the PG lady arrived and gave me a 2 boxes of maltesters and a huge packet of penguin biscuits!! All I meant was a little bar of dairy milk. She honestly seemed close to tears that I was willing to give it to her for free. The lady with the baby said thank-you about a dozen times.

Both of their reactions made me think that maybe I should have treated it like a bootsale purchase becuase I really don't want them to think that I think they are charity cases becuase they have only lived here for a short while.

Blimey......what a mammoth post.

Do you think I've offended them? I have no idea if their culture would think this is insulting. (which is why I think I'm being ignorant)

Distel Thu 19-May-05 16:36:15

I don't know about Muslim culture atall (sorry) but I can tell you that if it was me I wouldn't be offended. I get given a few bits and pieces from mums at school and it is alwats lovely that they think of you. I know this doesn't answer your question properly but thought it might help to have someone elses oppinion x x .

emmatmg Thu 19-May-05 16:39:26

I'm the same Distel, and I openly admit to being a charity case I'll take any ones cast offs.

But I'd hate to think I've offended them becuase I'm ignorant to their culture.

starlover Thu 19-May-05 16:40:01

they're probably just very grateful!!! I know I was when people gave me things for DS.

Distel Thu 19-May-05 16:42:09

Are they English Muslims or have they moved here recently?

I wouldn't worry too much as they seemed thrilled anyway with what you did for them.

hercules Thu 19-May-05 16:43:52

Almsgiving is a huge part of the Muslim culture and religion so dont worry about it.

emmatmg Thu 19-May-05 16:44:50

No, they are no English.

I'm not sure of their nationality. They have only lived here for 18 months at the very most.

emmatmg Thu 19-May-05 16:46:03

noT english even.

Hercules, what is almsgiving?

milge Thu 19-May-05 16:46:25

I think they were probably just very grateful - i get hugely embarrassed when someone gives me things for free - even someone whom i've given stuff to previously. I really wouldn't worry about it- they are just displaying british reserve!

Iklboo Thu 19-May-05 16:47:13

I agree with the others - I think they are just so grateful and happy and what you've done for them, especially given that some people are very hostile to newcomers.

emmatmg Thu 19-May-05 16:50:28

Thanks girls.

TBH I was embarrassed more than they were. All that chocolate!

Ds1 asked what I had in the bag and when i showed him he said "Corr, do you know I really like that lady who gave us all that chocolate" He's easily bought, my son

hercules Thu 19-May-05 16:50:35

Islam teaches that the wealth in the world is Allahs so money etc is not yours anyway. When you give to charity you are simply redistributing the wealth and so its often called almsgiving rather than charity.

emmatmg Thu 19-May-05 16:51:52

Thanks Hercules.

ChaCha Thu 19-May-05 16:57:25

Don't think you offended them at all. In fact, you're a great example of how we should be with each other in such a diverse and multicultural Britain that we are all part of today. This is a topic that could have me talking for hours so i best close here and hope that you meet with them over choccie again! They might be really glad of the friendship

emmatmg Thu 19-May-05 17:08:41

I'll use this as my good deed for the day then

I just had this thought hat they'd be thinking I had some sort of ulterior(is that the right word??) motive is giving them both something.

emmatmg Thu 19-May-05 17:12:58

IN giving them both.......

when am I going to learn to preview first????

ChaCha Thu 19-May-05 17:15:38

No, i'm sure they didn't but perhaps having only been in your area for a short time they haven't really met any other non-muslim women..maybe?!?

emmatmg Thu 19-May-05 17:17:53

chacha, can't be that as they are probably the only muslim women that are at the school.

ChaCha Thu 19-May-05 17:46:14

Maybe never met one as nice as you ;) They're taken aback!!!!

hub2dee Thu 19-May-05 18:04:38

The kindness of strangers is always immensely touching, and key to a civilised society.

(Pass us a pppppppPenguin).

emmatmg Thu 19-May-05 18:15:36

I've managed to polish off half a box of maltesers.

and am feeling rather blleeuuugghhhhhhh at the thought of eating them ever again now

hub2dee Thu 19-May-05 18:20:54

alteesers &

hub2dee Thu 19-May-05 18:21:27

Well that didn't go according to plan, now, did it ?


emmatmg Thu 19-May-05 18:21:54


emmatmg Thu 19-May-05 18:22:30

lol....woul you like to repeat that?

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