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Why won't the social services believe me?

(4 Posts)
mummysmad68 Fri 03-Jul-09 12:36:30

i split with my ex over 4 years ago and divorced him 31/2 years ago. at the time my kids were placed on child in need register (DV to children)but all was sorted and then ex moved away from area and case closed. a few months ago ex moved back into area, his family are all nearby. now the social service are back involved. because he says we are getting back together. my kids are nearly all grown up, 12,16,18 and 20, and the 20 and 16 yo live with him.the other two have no cintact 18 yo his choice, 12yo due to fathers violence towards him.their choice not mine and ss don't seem to worry. but they are doing an indepth assessment into me because, even through i've shown no desire ever, they think i will get back with him. god i can't stand the man but how do i convince them, whatever i say they don't seem to believe and constantly question me. we are now having a new child in need meeting to assess whether i recognise abuse...what..i tried for years to get out of my marriage, even going to a refuge but with no support from anywhere, and now i've been single for over 4 years why would i want to get back with him? but whilst he is making these claims even if completely against anything i want. does anyone have any tips?
as it is i could have done with ss support as youngest DS has major mental health issues due to fathers behaviour, CAMHs are involved but he is very violent destructive towards me, but here ss are not interested...arrrrgghhh!

BCNS Fri 03-Jul-09 12:39:33

Just to let you know I have read.. and I'll post in a bit.. just don't want you to feel ignored.. I'll be back.

PortAndLemon Fri 03-Jul-09 12:51:22

Are you seeing anyone else? Do you think it doesn't compute for them that you could be rubbing along happily single, hence if you aren't involved with a new partner it must be because you're involved with your ex again?

BCNS Fri 03-Jul-09 13:01:58

I think all you can do is have an honest chat with them..

literally just say what you have said here.

It sounds as if he is trying to affect your life again, now he's back in the area, by letting them know you are getting back together, even when your not.. which would be helpful to the SS to know that you recognise what he is doing.. IYSWIM.

Let them know what you did to get out of the marriage, what you have done since ( ie building your own life back up).. that your getting help via Camhs for your ds.. and that your really worried about his untrue claims.
And if he's making these claims how this may effect your family life.. particularly as he is now in the same area as you.

If SS are making an indepth assesment.. the truth will come out.. they will see you for who you are, and who he is and what he is trying to do IME .

try and treat SS as your friends who are there to help you and the children.. and you can't go far wrong.

HTH

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