"Birds & the Bees" when you were a teenager

[Bugsy]

I didn't want to hijack Tallulah's thread about her daughter but it made me think about how I would tackle the situation with my own two in many years to come.
I had a ferociously strict mother whose advice on the subject of pre-marital sex was that the only contraception I needed was the word "No". Fortunately, for me I left home and came over all dyslexic about the word no!!!!
So, did anyone out there have a sensible discussion with either parent? Can it be done in a way that doesn't make both parties want to crawl in a hole and die or hate each other?

[mum2toby]

Hi Bugsy - I just posted on Tallulahs thread... My Mum approached me about the subject when I got engaged at 16. I had NEVER confided in my mother before, we didn't have that close a relationship, but it did us the world of good. She basically asked if I was on the pill. I was so embarrassed and said NO!! In a kind of exaggerated tone. She said "Well I think you should, I did and I've been on it for years now". So after that she arranged an appointment at my GP and I went on my own. After that I could talk to my Mum about loads of stuff, like how the Pill gave me sore boobs and how I still got period pains. It was really the first time my Mum and me had something adult in common to talk about. It was great!

With my Dad..... he said to me when I was 18 that ignorance was bliss and that was that!

[Lil]

yes, I was told by my mum at the age of 6. She used to tell me a little bit more each week while she did the sunday roast! Because I always knew, I never thought it was a big deal, and always kept those hormonal boys away! But my parents were always discussed everything with us, so I think that openess is the key from day 1. (have got a bit of a roast potato fetish though )
But having said that, yesterday my ds (3yrs) asked me what 'they' were (pointing to two 'dots' on his chest) and honestly, I had a complete blank, what the hell are they called?? I couldn't say 'tits' because I had visions of him telling everyone at nursery about his tits!!! So I sent him to dh !!!
I think I'm definitely losing my memory/mind.

[mum2toby]

Is the word you're looking for 'nipples'??

[kaz33]

My parents bought a book on the birds and the bees and left in a prominent position in the study so that I could look at it if I wanted to. Saying that I think it would have been helpful to discuss the more emotional side of sex with them and would probably try and do both with my lads.

[Bozza]

LOL Lil. M2T is right - they are nipples. DS has just discovered his and is forever pulling up his jumper to look at them. DH showed him his which was apparently quite exciting. He then climbed onto my lap and poked at me through my top, found that little flower thing in the middle of my bra and announced "nipple".

Bugsy I'm just glad that we have a DS as that makes it DH's responsibility. Although not sure I can trust DH. Hmm...

[ninja]

I seem to remember the Natural History Museum having a great interactive display (well not THAT interactive!). I always used to think that would be a good way to get a lot of info across -
I think schools also do a lot more than in my day when an embarrased Science teacher told the girls to 'speak to your PE teacher' if we had any problems!

[tomps]

can't remember ever having 'the conversation' with my mum, but will make very sure I do with dd. When I think how childish I was at 15 (but thought I was SO grown up), it frightens me to think that girls that age have unprotected sex, catch STDs, get pregnant, have no respect for their bodies ... No idea how you do it, but will make every effort to ensure that dd is knowledgeable enough to not make unnecessary mistakes. When she's 25 and dp finally lets her go out with a boy

[Tortington]

we have fostered an open policy in our house, which means the children can discuss sex with us and talk about vaginas and penis' they all know about periods and have done since they were 4-7 quite accidentally - you know when you go to the corner shop buy a packet of tampax and discreetly put it in a paper bag? i returned to car with said papar bag for all the kids to go mental for the sweets i had in the paper bag - which of course i didnt - so i just told them then and there in the car and answered there questions.
my 13 yr old recently entered into a discussion with me about his pubic hair and deep inside i get ever so embarrassed brought up with non of this when i was a kid - but i hide my embarrassment and continue to foster this environment.

as a word of advice to those with younger children. it is important to remember that not everone teaches their children about sex -so your child may know and his/her friends not know. the difficulty comes when telling your child not to blab it to their friends or their friends mummies might be very cross and come around and punch my head in!!!

[mammya]

I agree with Lil that openness from the start is the key. The best approach seems to me to answer all their questions when they come, truthfully but while staying at their level, if you see what I mean. This way you can progress with them.

I remember my mum explaining that mummies have a tree with little eggs on it in their bellies, and that daddies need to put a little seed in the mummy's belly to make a baby out of the egg. I think it's a very good image, simple but close to reality, that can be developed as the need arises.

[emsiewill]

I've always answered my dds' questions as honestly as possible, and dd1 has a fairly comprehensive knowledge of the mechanics of it all (partly due to being present at dd2's birth). She is also a big fan of the baby programmes on Discovery Health channel. But as for the emotional side of it, that's where it gets a bit harder. Still, I try to be honest and open, and I suppose that's all you can do.