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said too much (I think)

(23 Posts)
meandmybigmouth Thu 10-Mar-05 09:23:14

I had a conversation with my mil this morning. Basically I told her what I thought of her son's (not DH) attitude to my dear little harmless DS (2) Basically, on the rare occassion that X see's DS, X tells DS off for ridiculous reasons, like if DS looks at X's baby, X assumes DS is going to jump on him or something , poor DS can't even move without being told off. There is a wedding coming up and we are all meant to be traveling there together. I am dreading it as I am just finding it harder and harder to bite my tongue to keep the peace.
I think I need some smart remarks I can use when DS has supposedly done something wrong.
I changed my user name as someone I don't want to read this might!

Toothache Thu 10-Mar-05 09:26:30

Meandmybigmouth - how annoying!!? Is this X's first child? Is he just extra cautious with everyone or is it just your ds?

What a prat anyway...

You did the right thing.

meandmybigmouth Thu 10-Mar-05 09:31:07

It is X's first child. Just DS who gets this treatment, its been going on for almost a year. It really makes my blood boil.

sweetmonkey Thu 10-Mar-05 09:31:16

bt confused .. are you separated from your mil son.is he your ex?
are you with someone else now?
do you need to go to the weddng togeteher if at all?
if you have new man couldnt he go with you?
sorry prob me being really thick, and silly

spagblog Thu 10-Mar-05 09:31:49

I think you need to explain things to DS in earshot of X...Okay sweetie, X doesn't like anyone too close to his baby, Do you X?
That would make him give you an explanation for his over protectiveness

Or when X tells DS off say...well he is only 2, you have all this to come you know...

tarantula Thu 10-Mar-05 09:32:51

Might be a good thing as your MIL might have a word with X to calm down a bit. How do you get on with the Inlaws in general? If I were you Id not bite my tongue so much. I think that X is being a bit over protective. Is this their first child?

meandmybigmouth Thu 10-Mar-05 09:33:17

I didn't explain it very well did I sorry!
Right, X is my DH's younger brother.

meandmybigmouth Thu 10-Mar-05 09:37:08

I get on well with in-laws. When I told MIL this morning, she just said I was being silly and X wasn't like that at all. So it would seem, I am the one with the problem as I am obviously imaging it all. I have told DH about it, he just say were like it with out first child too.

sweetmonkey Thu 10-Mar-05 09:43:18

maybe you could just try and keep them away from each other, not ideal i know but better than nothing, or maybe it might even give your mil a chance to see what x is really like.
she is obv just protecting her son and evenif she knew you were telling truth and not making it up she pob wouldnt admit to it because she might feel need to protect son.
just explain to dh again and ask him to keep an ear out at the wedding and stand up for you should you need it,try and relax and enjoy yourself , dont let x know he is bugging the hell out of you

TheVillageIdiot Thu 10-Mar-05 09:44:53

Next time your BiL tells your ds off for gtting to close to the baby. Just override it by saying something a long the lines of "It's alright <ds name> you can kiss the baby if you want to, can't he <BiL's name>" the turn to BiL and just say somehting like "He's just interested it he won't do any harm, he knows he has to be gentle around babies"

mummylonglegs Thu 10-Mar-05 09:49:34

Is X's baby a boy or a girl? Was just thinking that if it's a girl some parents (maybe especially fathers?) assume boys are rough with little girls.

I wonder why he's like this just with your Ds? If he's genuinly fine with all other toddler-age kiddies near his baby then he's got a specific issue with you / your Ds which isn't fair at all. Could you talk to X himself and ask him what the problem is? Or in a very friendly way turn the tables on him and say it's upsetting for your Ds to be told off when he's doing something harmless.

meandmybigmouth Thu 10-Mar-05 09:50:02

In-laws are visiting X this weekend. I have already made my excuses not to go. MIL has offered to take DD but not mentioned DS If thats the case then I won't let either of the kids go.
I think I have to accept that I am being too sensitive on DS's behalf. I always feel that he is being hard done by and it does irritate me. But, I try not to let others see it and it just builds up.

meandmybigmouth Thu 10-Mar-05 09:52:20

X's baby is a boy.
My DS is lively I won't deny it, but he has been around lots of other babies and never harmed them, he knows he has to be gentle with babies.

secur Thu 10-Mar-05 10:03:24

Message withdrawn

Bozza Thu 10-Mar-05 10:05:53

So he's picking on your DS but not your DD? How old is your DD? Think the others might be right and that although your MIL instinctively denied it she might secretly see your POV.

Bozza Thu 10-Mar-05 10:08:09

Well done secur. I think thats lovely - little kids feel so important and special when they get to hold a baby. I know DS did when DD was born. And on Sunday I got him to hold his 4 week old cousin for a photo. The only one we had to worry about was DD who might have decided to dive off the sofa at any moment - DS and the baby were fine.

secur Thu 10-Mar-05 10:15:22

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Jimjams Thu 10-Mar-05 10:40:54

Have this all the time with DH's BIL. We have 3 children, the eldest is severely autistic and they recently came to visit with their baby. Absolute nightmare. We know what ds1 is like so kept an eye on him, finally I lost my temper when he reacted to something like ds2 (completely NT- loves baby's, 3 but pretty sensible) was a piece of dog poo. I didn't lose it with SIL and him as we don't see them enough but I was so close to exploding it was fairly obvious (and I was ranting at dh upstairs).

i have a fairly up and down relationship with my MIL (getting better though has to be said), and I did tell her about the incident that made me livid and she agreed that dh's BIL was out of order (but then she can't stand him so it just provided some bondiing for us )

I've got a lot blunter though, when he was monaing about something ds1 was doing I basically told him tough, he'd have to doi it a different way (sorry but that's autism) and dh told him to move his laptop when he was moaning that ds1 was trying to touch it (sorry non-verbal, loves computers not much we can do about it if you're stupid enough to leave the thing on the floor).

meandmybigmouth Thu 10-Mar-05 10:43:35

Thanks for your responses, I like the idea of getting X to tell DS how he should behave rather than just tell him off. BTW, their baby is 11 months.
I will let DH know that I had a word with his mum when he gets home from work, wouldn't want his mum or brother getting in first. I don't think MIL was annoyed with me or anything, she just laughed when I told her what I thought. That didn't make me feel any better, infact, it just made me more annoyed.
I don't think I will need to see X and his baby before end of next month so plenty of time to think of tactics to use.

secur Thu 10-Mar-05 10:51:52

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meandmybigmouth Thu 10-Mar-05 10:53:10

JimJams - Well done for standing up to them and just coming straight out with it. I on the other hand, have been beating about the bush. I feel this has been going on far too long. I accept DS's behaviour (sort of, buts that another story! ) but I just feel its about time I stood up to them. Maybe being blunter would put a stop to it instantly, but it means they wouldn't like me anymore.
TBH, my DS's feelings are more important than what they think of me!
Someone told me they have 1st baby syndrome - their baby is perfect, does everything early, so well behaved, no sweets, no tv, blah blah blah.
I'm sounding really mean to them I know, but I can't wait until the baby actually starts talking / answering back. Lets see how perfect he is then!
(I'll creep back to where I came from now!)

Jimjams Thu 10-Mar-05 14:51:45

mambm I didn't say anything the first time it happened- that was when SIL was pregnant and every time ds1 went near her DH's BIL was basically "protecting" her. This time though it was easier as their baby was 6 months and my ds3 was 4 weeks- so if he can survive then their ds can as well. He did moan that ds1 kept frightening him by being noisy- but then they took ther ds to the ireland scotland rugby match the week after!!! I moaned to MIL about that- and she just said that they are ebing over-precious with him.

Agree though - if your son is being reasonable then you stand up for him. With ds1 I now assume that anyone coming into the house will make the same concessions/alterations to the way they do things as we have to. if they can't handle it for a weekend then basically I have little sympathy - I always try to explain why things have to be done in the way they do, but now I always stick up for ds1- whereas when it first started happening I didn't (then felt awful for him). it's a bit easier in my case though as dh will take it up with them, and MIL is at last fairly switched on.

Bozza Thu 10-Mar-05 20:50:22

Yes secur I also assumed we were talking about a newborn. Thats why I gave the example of my 4wo nephew and nothing to do with 10 month old DD, who after all loves playing rough and is always doing her very best to attack DS.

mambm your DS is not actually much older than his cousin is he?

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