oh wise mumsnetters, those who have sisters...........I need URGENT help and advice regarding two sisters and ONE BOY......arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[psychomum5]

psychogirlie2 has arrived home from scout camp, looking muddy but with a strange happy glow.

seems the strange happy glow has to do with a boy......

psychogirlie1 did not come to meet her off of the train, so I rang her on my mobile and they chatted for a few mins, and then hung up rather abruptly after a rather sharp YES from the DD2 in my car..........

we had to go back to the scout hall to collect bags etc, which took time, and so I rang DD1's friends mum to ask if she would mind keeping DD1 for now, as we were going to be running rather late (2hr's and still counting as DH is now up there with them all as DS2 is starting to cry with his ears again...)

anyhooo........the conversation with the other mum, turns out that DD2 is now going out with the boy from scouts that DD1 fancies....



I am sooooooooooooooo naive (sp?)........I had been burying my head in the sand regarding my girls now liking boys and I had utterly NO CLUE that 1, they had even noticed boys, and 2, that they may have liked the same one.....

and now the younger one is actually 'going out' with the boy that the elder one had 'dibs' on.

what do I do????

there is going to be fireworks later......and I have never ever been in this situation myself to advise, or even referee......

HELP

please

[littlerach]

God knows!!!!

Good luck though.

[eandh]

Cant help as I had an older brother (very handy though as went out with a few of his mates and he went out with some of my friends!!)

Will keep an eye out for this thread as have 2dd's (although dd1 almost 4 and definatley marrying Freddie from preschool and dd2 is 18months and DD1 decided she is marrying Freddies little brother )

[copingvquietly]

oh shitwish i could offer some advice on this one but im clueless
i presume you have wine???

[CuckooClockWorkShy]

Did the older one KNOW that the younger one fancied this guy?

If so, I think you should summons them together and say that you hope that dd2's feelings for this boy are genuine and strong enough to justify hurting dd1.

That way, you're not putting down your foot (don't htink you can really) but you're sending out all the right messages.

To dd1, sadly, we can't actually control who loves us back.... BUT you want to show solidarity by being slightly disapproving of dd2's behaviour.

To dd2 I would want to be sending out the message that friends and sisters should always come before boys. Maybe it's different ten yrs down the line when the romantic relationships might lead to marriage and children, but at such a young age, I don't think it's wrong to say that friendships, and especially sisters! come before boys.

FEEL terrible for your dd1. My sister used to zone in on whoever I liked.
gl

[psychomum5]

I have a glass of wine now.....will need it I reckon later when they are both in the house together....

DD1 is out tonight with her best friend and is due home at 10pm.

DD2 will be home at about 8ish (they have had to go put up the tents in a nearby field now as they were soaked from the rain last night!)

I have 4hrs until they see each other and the fight start.

unless DD2 crashes early, and then it will start at dawn

[psychomum5]

cuckoo......DD2 knew that DD1 liked this boy, but DD1 did not go on summer camp as she broke her thumb badly recently and would not have coped with all the cycling (they cycled to the isle of wight).

seems DD2 may have used this to her advantage.

talking to DD2 best friend (she came over to me to give me the gossip news), this boy actually liked DD1 first but DD1 was too shy to agree so he went for DD2 instead.

nto sure how to proceed with that information.....

[CuckooClockWorkShy]

hmmm. Tricky. The boy sounds a bit haphazard in his approach to dating!

But.. there is extra humiliation in the fact that the younger sister has swooped in and taken the boy! Of ALLLLL the boys at summer camp? I can't help but think that it's not about the boy. It's about asserting herself over her sister as 'the pretty one in the family'. Possibly I'm reading way to much into that. AT least my sister was older, but I still felt bad enough!

[psychomum5]

oh yes, there is a lot of - not jealousy, that is too strong a word for it - , but certainly rivalry amongst them both.

I (obviously), think that they are both utterly gorgeous and beautiful, but we have many many remarks on how stunning DD1 is, and how well she does her make-up etc.

now, she is, no denying that, but DD2 is equally as pretty just in a very different way.....and also, she has not as yet discovered make-up so of course, when she does, then people will notice her a bit more again maybe.

I have been very lucky really as I have not had many issues between them regarding jealousy, the odd sisterly spat, but never anything aproaching this.

am dreading it......

[PortAndLemon]

I suppose you could take a line with DD1 of "well, if he wants to go out with a twelve-year-old he sounds a bit immature for you anyway". But I'm not convinced it will work (I do have sister, but there's over a decade between us so this kind of thing never came up).

[RuffleTheAnimal]

i think saying what cuckoo clock said is a good idea.

oo-er, dont fancy it round your place right now ! are they both coming here next week?

[psychomum5]

ruffle.......DD1 was thinking that she and DD2 would stay at home together and have some girlie time before DD1 goes away herself.

now not sure that would be a good idea

oo'er is about right tho!!!

I am really fretting tho. I was so looking forward to DD2 coming home, and now this.

talk about an entertaining evening ahead.....

[slightlycrumpled]

You can only hope it turns into one of those parenting moments you work yourself up for ready for the drama, and then........ nothing, they sort it out before you even need to be involved! (hopefully)

[psychomum5]

oh slightlycrumpled.........I hope and pray that is true.

I truly do!!!

to be honest tho, they have neither of them really said anything to me on the boy front. I do ask, but DD1 either reckons I am too old to know or remember or thinks I am to embarrassing to be told (probably true), and DD2 always says that boys smell....so I had no clue that this was coming.

and it will most likely blow over and I will find she only agreed cos they were on camp together!!!

[sfxmum]

OMG best keep out of it and make sympathetic noises when required then pick up the pieces I guess

I have 2 sisters 1.5 and 4 yrs difference we never liked the same type of men ever



best of luck

[psychomum5]

[psychomum5]

ok, have had a chat with DD2.

seems he did ask DD1 out first, but DD1 snootily (DD2's words) announced that she could not as he is younger than her.

he is 13, DD1 is 14, DD2 is 12!

BUT

DD1 does still like him....

I asked DD2 if she knew that DD1 still liked him...

her face was like this ->

my face is like this ->

DD2 seems not to care that this may hurt DD1's feelings and DD1 should have gone out with him in the first place. I can see her point, but if DD1 has stated how much she likes him, sister loyalty surely should come first???

anyhoo.....I then asked if she minded being 'second best'....((qrong wording maybe, but she giggled at that))...she does not...she likes him, she is happy. she is also only 12, so I think all this is rather innocent......



the funniest thing tho.....

DD2 is TINY, the smallest in the scout troop.....

this boy is the TALLEST!

her nickname is 'the hobbit', by virtue of tiny stature, his is 'crusty' (bluegh at nickname)

they are now known tho as little and large......

ROFL

[Hecate]

Listen. It'll all be over in five minutes anyway. Let them know you love them equally and you're there to listen to both of them.

Also worth pointing out that many boys will come and go over their lifetime but they only have one sister.

[psychomum5]

hecate, they actually have two each!!!

but yes, it will blow over ((psycho hopes desperately)), and there will be new problems next week

[Hecate]

Do they? Oh bugger. There's spares!

Yeah, it'll blow over. Buy earplugs and wine.

I read things like this and I am so pleased all I have to deal with is cleaning up after 'how many bogies can we flick onto the ceiling' competitions.

[psychomum5]

I also have boys, and the bogey competitions.

I was attila the hun in a past life wasn;t I???

[psychomum5]

and it all went.............

ok!!

stroll on.

I did buy them some haagen daaz cookies and cream icecream however, and they both seem very thrilled to see each other again.

DD1 (on havig a wuiet chat), did say that she is a weeny bit gutted, but she does think he is too young for her, so in some ways, she 'gets it'.

she is however glowing tho as she has gone onto MSN and the entire scout boys have come on and said that they missed her and that she is very very pretty and they all want to go out with her.

she is preening

issue diverted thro vanity.



((of course, they could both be plotting revenge when I am out of sight))

[psychomum5]

ok......am not sure how ok they are with each other after all.

they were up on MSN till very late to each other (they have a laptop each), and it then turned into loud whispering to ech other to each bedroom.

not sure if D2 has agreed to go out with him only to piss off DD1, in which case, evil mare......or whether DD1 is claiming rights on him even tho she doesn;t want to go out with him, just to try and make DD2 feel guilty.

argh.........there was me thinking it was blowing over, and it seems not. they finally fell to sleep about 1ish......and they are still asleep.

I on the other hand, crap night the second with DS2 and his ears, and awake again far too early..

I NEED SLEEP

[ten10]

I am one of three sisters (+ one brother)
My younger sister and I were very similar and used to fight like cats and dogs over clothes, boys etc
but we love each other and always made up
our relationship has always been way more important than a boy even if we didn't feel like that at the time.

So unfortunately this will probably happen on a reasonably regular basis,
particularly if they are rather competitive sisters,
and being girls they probably lurve the drama

It will blow over, but not before more drama, more tears more door slamming, more sulking etc

I think my first 'boyfriend' was at age 11/12 and we went to the cinema together once and had a very clumsy kiss, then about a week later he had moved on to someone else.
I was really upset for about 10mins and then decided i fancied someone else more anyway.