Horrid rude boy at DD's party - what should I do?

[LouBeeLou]

We had DD?s birthday party on Saturday. Bored of the usual ball-pool-pub parties I decided (in a moment of madness!) to hire a hall and have 25 kids come and play traditional party games. It went really well, everyone had loads of fun and joined in the games and most of them won prizes. We did things like musical chairs, pass the parcel, cross the river, pin the mask on Mr Incredible (instead of pin the tail on the donkey!), musical statues, etc.

DD had a lovely day and said she had really enjoyed it. BUT there was one thing that I feel spoilt the whole day.

One horrid little boy from DD?s class who came to the party (and will NOT be coming next year!). He refused to join in any games, saying they were crap (!!!! This is a 7 yr old!) and he just wanted to play football. I tried to explain nicely that he had come to DD?s party and we were all going to play some games and have a bit of fun and try to win prizes, but he replied that it was all rubbish and babyish and he didn?t want to come anyway!

He then went on to be equally rude to some of my friends and family who were helping to supervise, threw food all over the floor because it tasted horrible (ordinary ham/cheese/chicken sandwiches FGS!) and hit another boy so hard that he cried for ages.

I had intended to speak to his mum when she came to collect him, but he was picked up by another boy?s parents so I didn?t get chance. I really feel I should say something to his mum as this boy was so rude. As a child I wouldn?t have dared speak to an adult the way he did and I feel he should be made to apologise. I would be mortified if I found out that DD had ever behaved like that after having the privilege of an invitation to a birthday party.

Sorry this has turned into a huge rant! Thanks if you?re still reading!

His mum is a teaching assistant at DD?s school so I can easily get in contact with her. Should I mention it to her and ask for an apology from her DS or is that really pompous? Am I totally naïve in thinking that children should be taught to respect adults and behave politely?

What do you think?

[jangly]

I'd mention it but not ask for an apology - leave that up to her. Hopefully, she'll the need for this herself. Hope the party wasn't spoilt - it sounds lovely!

[Blu]

Wow, well done LouBeeLou for organising such a lovely party.
He sounds awful, but tbh I don't think I would make a big deal about it with the parents - maybe say 'I hope XXXX enjoyed the party because he didn't seem to enjoy the food or enjoy the games'. If the Mum seems to want to know in order to deal with it, then you could tactfully explain, but if she's not bothered / interested, there's just no point - and you can just leave him off the list next year.

[Hulababy]

You are not niave and good manners should be expected, especially at age 7! I would be tempted to say something to his mum TBH. In doesn't have to be a full on rant to her, just highlight the key points and say that if you were her, you;d want to know - so felt she may be the same. I doubt you'd get an apology from the boy by demanding one though - I guess that it is then down to his mum to take in further with him.

[LIZS]

It certainly sounds as if he behaved badly, and I'd be mortified if mine had done so, but perhaps he had been reluctant come and was pressured into it. Pleased your dd enjoyed it nontheless.

I don't think you should make a particular issue out of it but if you happen to run into his Mum (and it would be polite for her to seek you out and thank you anyway, since she couldn't do so personally on Saturday) you could mention that you are sorry that he didn't seem to enjoy it. If she asks you to elaborate then fine but think that should be enough to prompt her to ask. Ohterwise I think you have to make your point and let it go.

[Jimjams]

Doesn't sound like his bad mood was anything to do with the party. I would just ask a cheery "is x ok as he seemed to have a bit of a strop on on Saturday". Who knows maybe he was going down with something, or maybe he wasn't allowed to do something else to go to the party. I can remember getting stoppy at 7, all part of growing up. I would ask though, but only because I'm nosy and his behaviour must have something behind it.

[Gobbledigook]

I'd mention it too - just thinking from my own point of view that I'd like to know if my child behaved like that and I'd be apologising profusely.

I know what you mean - I wouldn't have dared speak to anyone like that, even if I'd wanted to.

What is the world coming to? So many kids seem so spoilt and disrespectful to me these days!! Not all, I know, but generally discipline and respect seem to be disintegrating

[Hulababy]

Did he bring your DD a present?

If so, you could use that as a reason to speak to her , and then drop in the "sorry he didn't seem to enjoy it" type of comment.

[ScummyMummy]

Sounds like he showed super challenging behaviour alright, Loubelou. What a nightmare- sorry it cast a a shadow on your dd's big day. I'd mention his behaviour to his mum but leave the response up to her, as jangly suggests. Special needs or tough times quite often play a big part in bad behaviour so I'd be tempted to go easy and non judgemental on this one. Did your daughter have a great time in spite of him? Hope so.

[Jimjams]

I did wonder whether there was any chance he could have some sort of SN.

[Marina]

Like Jimjams I'd be curious to find out what underlay his anti-social behaviour. We're hot on manners in our house and would come down very hard on our ds (5.5 and "challenging" at times, like them all), but I'd always make allowances if I knew a child was having a miserable time at home, or had SN.
Well done for going the "trad" route, it's a lot of work . We had a smaller-scale, similar type of party last year for ds and it was interesting to see how many of the guests really enjoyed the games...maybe soft-play etc is less of a novelty these days and racketing round a back garden in dressing up clothes more exciting...?
Glad your dd managed to enjoy the day so much. Try not to let one naughty boy spoil the memories of a lovely time.

[Gobbledigook]

Marina - hope you are right about the party! I'm doing ds's 4th birthday party at home this April but almost all the ones he's going to are at soft play or at venues with entertainers! I want to do games and jelly and ice-cream and I'm wondering if the parents will think I'm just an old skin flint!!

[LouBeeLou]

Thanks everyone. I think I will mention it to his mum, put purely on a 'hope he enjoyed it as he didn't seem to' basis - good suggestion.

Overall DD did enjoy the party, though. To anyone else planning a similar do all I can say is PREPARE PREPARE PREPARE and OVER PREPARE. Make sure you have too many games to play, and more than enough prizes as each game seemed to be over very quickly!

Oh, and definitely make sure you have a nice bottle of wine in the fridge for when you get home!

[Marina]

It's gruelling in one sense Gobbledigook but we had such fun doing a list of games (Wills supplied all the input!!) and the mums who stayed (ds was only five so there were a few) had fun too. Everyone joined in very enthusiastically. Can CAT you a list of games if you need one.
My one piece of advice is unless your ds is very physically intrepid, leave the pinata for when they are older. Dh ended up having to doctor ours as despite lots of 4 year olds whacking it, it refused to split!
Some of our local soft play areas are like having your head in a metal bucket and getting some kids to hit it with a stick...horrible.

[puddle]

Gobbledigook - We did DS's 4th last year in a church hall with lots of games and a penata at the end. We've done lots of parties at home too (went the church hall route last year as there were so many kids to invite!). I regularly get told our parties are the best the kids (and parents) have been to - I think people do get bored of these soft play parties that are all the same.

Loibeelou - agree with those who have said to speak to the mother in a ' I was worried about x, he didn't seem to enjoy himself and seemed very out of sorts - was he ok when he got home' way.

[Marina]

Puddle, could any of your four year olds bash the pinata to pieces though? Maybe ds' little pals are more nesh than average but despite a lot of brave talk and stick flourishing, ours stayed intact, hanging mockingly from the tree...either that or it was built like a fortress.
They were all noticeably much stronger this year and finished off a beautiful parrot in minutes

[Cam]

Loubelou, I'm going to suggest that you don't say anything to his mum because she might take it badly. Whenever I've had cheeky rude behaviour from a couple of boys at dd's parties I deal with it the best way I can at the time (ie tell them to behave) but tend to think I don't want to carry it over as it were. I prefer just to forget about it and think twice about inviting them again!

[lowcalCOD]

read this as horrid "nude " boy oo h er

he does sound a shit

[misdee]

you dont mince words do u coddy!!

i'd say to his mum that he didnt seem to enjoy it, and you hope he was ok. leave it at that.

[victoriapeckham]

You have my sympathy. Two years ago at my son's 7th birthday party, half the boys refused to play games as uncool and babyish, retiring to bottom of garden to play football. One boy wouldn't play one game of eating marshmellows on a string because it would mess up his new Nike designer shirt. I'm not talking about pass the parcel either. I did this kind of Screen Test game where they had to watch five minutes of Shrek then answer questions. Half wouldn t play because it was "not a new film" ffs! Some of the cooler ones wouldn't even come in from football to watch him blow out his candles!

He sounds a particularly rude arse and tactful approach to mum as described by others, seems in order, if only to get this out of your system. But I think that so many children are encouraged by the media and by their own parents to be precociously sophisticated in their tastes, so they are self aware and "cool" from very young age. It is a shame, because your party sounded grand.

By the way, that was last party we ever had at home - cinema, bowling, pizza express ever since. But I do think parents are raising the bar on what children expect. Same son, now 9 went to a party recently where kids were picked up by limo! Not rich family either. I mean aren t we making kids terribly jaded if they expect limos at 9? I ve never been in a bloomin' limo!

[starlover]

I'd have rung his mum and asked her to come and pick him up as he obviously didn't want to be there.
Realise it's a bit late for that now though! Don't have any advice really... just my two-pence worth!

[LouBeeLou]

Nude! LOL Coddy!

It was more than just a cheeky bit of misbehaving, this boy was a little shit (sorry not very pc I know).

Will mull it over tonight as I will see his mum at school in the morning. I'll see how calm and diplomatic I'm feeling then.

[Cam]

Hmmm! A genuine little shit (stuff pc) would have been much harder to deal with. In that case I think I'd have sat him out, preferably next to an adult male.

[puddle]

Marina - the penata was VEY hard to break open.All the kids had a go and then we went onto parents! But all added to the fun - my DP 'did' for it in the end by bashing repeatedly in worryingly aggressive fashion!

[Stilltrue]

LouBeeLou - poor you! I had a similar experience from an atrociously behaved 6yo at my child's party before Christmas. He certainly won't be invited again...I would follow Blu and Hulababy's line on this. A sensitive mum will probably probe further once you mention it tactfully; if she doesn't, then you will see where her little darling's manners come from, and just live and learn from it.
VictoriaPeckham, I so know what you mean. Kids like that are heading towardes being irretrievably spoilt, jaded and left unsatisfied by life's simpler pleasures.

[tigermoth]

I remember holding a nightmare of a party when my son was 7. It was full of boys who would not join in any of the party games and were so arrogant and OTT. My son, the birthday boy, was one of the worst of them I have to say. Since then he's celebrated his birthday with smaller parties or outings.

I'd do as others suggest and mention to the mum, by way of a 'thank you for the present' that her son did not seem to enjoy the party. But don't expect an apology. However, I might say more than 'he did not enjoy himself'. If he was really naughty, she needs to know, so she can help him.

My son, now year 6, went to a fabulous party at the weekend, 'a gladiator disco' which was apparently a mixture of sports and dancing. All his class were invited except two boys - the ones most likely to cause trouble. I think that was terrible, tbh. The party was hosted by two families and both sets of parents are active at the school. They made an informed decision not to invite these two children.

I think these boys miss out on lots of party and playdate invitations tbh. They are never at the smaller parties my son attends, they are never amongst the chosen group of children. They are rarely at the bigger ones. The teachers have strongly suggested I keep my son away from one of the boys as they were worried a friendship was developing between them and affecting my son's behaviour.

As they moved through the school, people's perception of these boys has really affected their social lives. AFAIK, many parents are no longer keen to give them the benefit of the doubt and children do not put them on their guest lists. I do not know if either of the boys are SEN - if so, it is not apparent or common knowledge.

I am rambling, but anyway, if you feel this boy is getting a reputation for being a little S* at parties, it would be good to be spell out what he did when you talk to his mother so she can do something, like stay with him at the next one he goes to. If she has no idea what's happening, her son could miss many parties invites in the future. If he's keen on parties, and wants to be popular, this is a sad thing all round (but of course he just might not like parties).