Christmas Pressies - Trapped in a corner

[crystaltips]

I love Christmas and can't resist buying just one more present for the kid's stockings - but I do have a gripe.
There are a group of us Mums who would meet up every so often when we need a diversion from School runs and tricky husbands.
Well one particular friend announced that we should all meet up before Christmas and exchange presents. This was truly a situation that I did not want to get into. I don't really want to feel that I have to buy a present for each person there. ( From past experience - birthdays have turned into a bit of a competition - whose present is the best !! )
Can you help me out without appearing like Scrouge ?

Thanks

[Tinker]

crystaltips - could you suggest that you all put your names in hat and just buy a present for the person whose name you pull out of the hat. And suggest a limit? I imagine that most of the others will probably be as dismayed as you at the thought of even more expense at Christmas and will probably be relieved that someone has suggested this. Maybe?

[crystaltips]

That was my initial hope - but this "thoughtful" friend has bought individual presents already as she "just couldn't resist it" !

[aloha]

Hmm. I'd still approach all the other mums with the secret santa idea. I bet they'll all go for it, and your other friend will have to give the extra gifts to her own offspring. I suggest you try the 'I really don't want my child to have too many gifts as I worry she might get spoilt' line. Our NCT group is doing secret santa this Xmas - with a £5 limit for the babies and for the mums (after all, we count too!).

[janh]

crystaltips, could you buy one of those charity Christmas presents - eg World Vision will sell you goats, lemon trees etc - in the name of everybody in the group? Or buy a bit of a panda from WWF?

world vision's gift site is at:

www.great-gifts.org/

Nobody needs to know how much you spent altogether and they really can't complain that they didn't get a gift each!

[WideWebWitch]

Crystaltips, how annoying! I think I'd either miss the meet up or go and brazen it out with "oh, I didn't realise we were buying presents from each other, sorry." eeek! Or you could be honest, call her and just tell the truth: that you haven't got presents for everyone and don't want to/can't afford it and the whole thing makes you feel uncomfortable. I don't know many people who buy for adult friends actually. I don't although I suppose I would if they were with us on Christmas day but apart from that, no.

[aloha]

I was confused, I thought you meant she was buying presents for all the kids. Gifts for all those adults? No way. I hardly buy any presents for adults. Ds's nanny gets something nice, my cleaner gets a plant for her garden, mum, dh, dh's mum, my two best friends, brother, sil & bil & goddaughter all get gifts - nobody else. Am I tight?

[SnoobyKat]

Oooer crystaltips! Not easy. Often homemade gifts are a good get-out. I tried this when we got together 16 members of our families together for Christmas. (please don't ask whose dumb idea this was!)

Are you any good at baking ? I made individual Christmas cakes, each with a different design. Just make one large square - cut into 9 small ones; cover in thin almond and thin royal icing; put on small foil boards (just cardboard covered with kitchen foil); put piece of wide ribbon around edge (garden centres often have good choice) and decorate :

1. silk flower in red and green,
   
2. small teddy/robin(garden centres often have good choice)
   
3. mini Santa sack de from 2 bits of felt/material with a few dolly mixtures falling out
   
4. vandalised Christmas tree/hanging decorations
   
   etc etc
   
   Wrap each one with cellophane - the kind you put round bunches of flowers, tie with multi-coloured ribbons and hand-written name tags.
   
   The whole lot (18 cakes) including ingredients didn't bother with peel/cherries - not everyones taste) cost less than 25 pounds.
   
   Gingerbread recipe shapes also work well. Easier to decorate, Just use a little royal icing and currants or small sweets. ribbons etc.
   
   You will need 4 afternoons though. One to mix and bake cakes, one to cover in almond and ice, one to decorate, one to wrap.
   
   Other suggestions : homemade chocolates - fudge is dead easy as are truffles. Yum Yum.
   
   Or if you're into sewing - pot pourri pouches made with cotton and lace. Offcuts in material shops are great for this. Running out of ideas sorry! HTH

[Tillysmummy]

Crystaltips
It's very difficult but I would suggest that you speak to the other mum's, just in passing and get a general feeling for how they feel. I bet everyone is in the same boat. I think the best solution is to draw out of a hat and just buy one pressie for each person. If everyone in the group is for that then she won't have a choice. Your friend sounds less "thoughtful" and more "competitive" to me !

Wow Snoobycat ! Are you Nigella ?

[SnoobyKat]

Just had a coffee ... and another idea. How about individual posies: Buys 2 or 3 large bunches of flowers the day before and redo them into small posies with paper/cellophane/ribbons and individual cards. (those silver/gold ink pens on dark coloured card always look lovely and the pens last a long while if you keep them vertical wrapped in clingfilm). Or get a small piece of Oasis (flower arrangers foam), glue to silver card, stick candle in top and push in flowers, greenery, ribbons tied onto a piece of wire. Do up in cellophane with ribbons etc.

Think I had better stop the coffee .... :-)

If you have a photo of group or can get one, glue to small piece of card, Loop of ribbon on top at back, buy one of those small handbag 2003 calendars to glue at bottom. Decorate with aforementioned gold/silver pen.

I had better go before I start sounding like "WhoeverPresentsBluePeterTheseDays" and start thinking of washingup bottles and stickybackplastic!!!! ;-)

[SnoobyKat]

Ignore everything I just wrote - read GeorginiA's message here -> www.mumsnet.com/s/Talk?topicid=9&threadid=4939 SO COOL!

[SoupDragon]

GeorginaA's message dated Tuesday, 26 November, 2002 8:23:07 PM, I think, not the one that's currently at the top

Last year I found a few recipes where you put dry cookie mix in a jar, add a cookie cutter and instructions to add egg/fat/whatever.

Lush bath ballistics are reasonably cheap and good fun - I love their Jingle Spells one which leaves hundreds of tiny gold stars all over you and the bath! They do a Baby Bath one too which turns the bath blue (I think) and has a sleep inducing scent.

[SoupDragon]

And I also agree with aloha - discuss the Secret Santa idea when you next get together even though you know this friend has got some presents already. Mention cost, receiving too many presents otherwise, bit of fun as you don't know where the gift came from etc etc.

[SnoobyKat]

Oops thanks SoupDragon. Better swap to the decaf now!

[SoupDragon]

Somewhere I heard that decaf gives you just as much of a buzz as regular.

[Rhubarb]

I'm having a nightmare this Christmas as I have far too many to buy for! We are not rich by anybody's standards, the money dh earns just about sees us through. I have 11 proper nieces and nephews and 2 step-ones. I try to buy them all a little something on their birthdays. This year has been difficult as it was one of my step-nephews 18th birthday, so although he never even so much as sends us a birthday or Christmas card, since his mum invited us to his party (which we declined) and mentioned he wanted money, I put a tenner in his card. This weekend is dh's dads 70th, and next weekend is my mum's birthday. This on top of all the Christmas shopping I have to do on a very tight budget - plus dh himself has 9 nieces and nephews, which thankfully he doesn't buy presents for them all, but he will buy some.

So I am left with the dilemma of what to get everyone! Two of my nieces are teenagers and one is very ungrateful, last year I bought her a little make-up set from Superdrug and she remarked that she had bought each one of her friends the same set as stocking fillers! I cannot splash out on them, I do have to buy for dh and dd too, but always feel bad when they open my present as it never seems enough and is always naff compared to the others they get.

I know they should be grateful, but half of them are not! Kids simply don't understand it when adults say they cannot afford something, especially when they come from families where they always get the best. How do I get cheap presents that look more expensive than they are???

[aloha]

Hmm. Truly, I wouldn't buy them anything at all, but possibly make a donation to charity instead (self righteous teenagers will have a problem arguing with that). There's absolutely no point in buying presents that you can't afford and the recipient doesn't want, isn't grateful for and won't remember (I feel like Alvin Hall here!). If you really feel you have to buy something buy picture frames from £2 from Ikea. I bought a very pretty venetian-glass style frame for £5 as well. There's lots for under a fiver. Personally, I rather like grimly practical gifts. I need some nice wooden spoons right now,and I still use a wooden multi-purpose coathanger a friend bought me twenty years ago! But I think you should spend the money on yourself this year. At least you'll be grateful.

[WideWebWitch]

Rhubarb, what a PITA! Could you give some things that are cheap but full of (maybe perceived) effort? What about a framed family photo for 70th birthday? Also, Georgiana's present on another thread was a brilliant idea I think: a friend gave her a disposable camera and a blank notebook and asked her to make a list of 27 things she wanted to do before her next milestone birthday and photograph them. (27 because that was the no of photos in the camera) That would be a great present for some of the older ones wouldn't it? Or maybe not, if we're talking cynical youth here. You could make a calendar for family members: we made one last year which had a different family photo for every month and it went down really well. The photos were all chosen as far as pos to be of the person whose birthday it was that month. There is a program you can buy (maybe even download?) that does this I think. I do know what you mean about ungrateful kids, very irritating. What about telling them you'll be making a donation to their favourite charity instead? Hmm, no that's another c* idea! Thinking aloud here really

[WideWebWitch]

sorry, aloha's already mentioned charity donations. Could you talk to your relatives and all come to some arrangement re the children? Otherwise you've all got ridiculous amounts of people to buy for.

[SueDonim]

All this buying is a minefield, isn't it?? And so stressful when it should be enjoyable.

Crytaltips, I'd go along with the Secret Santa idea, if you possibly can. Another 'make' that is relatively cheap is mincemeat, in jars with fabrics covers over the lids. Pinking shear the edges and tie with ribbon. Or home made pickle/ chutney is very easy to make.

Rhubarb, it's probably a waste of time expecting teenagers to be grateful. There's been some research recently that shows they are unable to help themselves due to rapid brain development which leaves them unable to understand other POV or emotions. But that's by the by. Cheap gifts is what you need. Personally, I'd go for quality rather than quantity. For example, spend your fiver (or whatever amount you've decided upon) on a few yummy chocs from Thorntons rather than a huge box from Poundstretchers and so on. Gifts for older girls that always seem popular are candles/oil burner type stuff, while boys like joss sticks - IME, they regard them as more 'manly' than candles, for some reason. Books of next year's horoscopes for their star sign are good for girls. Last year M&S sold such books for about two quid each. Again for girls, stationery is always a good bet - there's lots of good inexpensive stuff around nowadays; some of the charities sell good notebooks/pens and so on. Beanie Babies go down well with boys and girls - shop around as prices vary a lot.

And if the ungrateful wretches are still not satisfied, then knit each of them a ghastly woolly jumper for next year and they'll never want anything from you ever again!

[aloha]

Hate to mention the dreaded Ikea again... but as I had to go the other day I bought lots of little nightlight holders, nice stylish white ceramic ones wtih holes round for the light to shine through - very Conran Shop! - for £1 each. With a scented candle in it would make a v acceptable supercheap present for a teen or four or six of them would make a good present for an adult IMO. I still think black or beech wood photo frames for £2 are good. Agree with idea of edibles, esp expensive truffles. At least you know they'll be used. For younger ones, glittery hair slides/elastics with flowers on for £1 in Primark, finger puppets £5 in Ikea or buy ultra cheap books in a discount bookshop. For real tinies I'd recycle stuff from charity shops. If you set yourself a £2 - £5 budget you won't feel too poverty stricken. However, I still wouldn't buy that many gifts full stop. You are obviously a much better person than me.

[Copper]

Rhubarb
maybe you should buy your ungrateful teenage niece a book on etiquette! What a little cuss, to tell you that - not acceptable behaviour.

Real sympathy with you on this. Ideally you want a present perfectly suited to each person, that they haven't thought of themselves but are delighted by, that looks as though it costs a lot but in fact cost almost nothing -- let me know when you have found it! Oh, and of course if you are sending it, it should include some sort of homing device because otherwise you'll never know they got it as thank yous seem to be a thing of the past. And they have this awful effect on us of making us sound like Disgusted, Tunbridge Wells ...

Do you actually see them face to face at Christmas? Because it makes a difference as to what you can give ..

[slug]

Rhubarb, give your ungrateful niece a book with blank pages so she can write down how everyone in the world hates them. Teenagers love that sort of thing.

[janh]

Charity shops do have some lovely stuff - Oxfam currently have letter racks, pen boxes and something else painted in jungle animal designs in beautiful soft primary colours, about £5 each. Cancer Research UK have small square photo frames labeled "funky" or "babe" in shades of pink or purple, and a selection of IKEA type heavy wooden games - solitaire, connect 4, backgammon etc.

Also I have found (in the good old local toyshop) what I think will be our major Christmas acitivity - a boxed YES/NO interlude game with lists of questions on cards, eg 1: how old are you? 2: that's really old, isn't it? etc etc (my kids love the game but we can never think of enough questions!)

[janh]

PS photo frames £2 each!

[florenceuk]

What about giving each family a box of homemade biscuits/cake/chutneys? My aunties gave up giving us all individual presents and just gave us a box of chocolates and a nice card.