Honest (brutal!) opinions wanted. Don't worry about offending (lol, like you would!!) I am not one of these 'tell me what I want to hear or I'll imply your parents are brother and sister' types!
Dh has just gone off to town. We have rowed.
kids are off school today (inset), we have a regular monday errand that we normally do together. Today the plan was to take the kids. Dh sends ds1 upstairs to get me up. I come down. Dh says at first that he sent ds1 to get me because he thought we were all going. Then in the next breath, he starts to say why he thinks he should go alone (no point us all waiting in the car for him).
I ask kids if they want to go into town. ds1 does, ds2 doesn't. So I suggest ds1 goes with dh and I will stay with ds2.
Blah blah big row.
Basically, dh doesn't want to take ds1 because it's distracting. I say he should take them, how else will they learn how to behave (they are autistic). He avoids taking them into shops. bank. post office etc as much as possible. I think they need to be exposed to these things. I used to take them everywhere, and just dealt with the stressing and tantrums and general meltdown stuff. Dh won't get into a situation where this is likely to happen. I am incapacitated nowadays, and can't do this stuff so it's dh or nothing.
We fought for mainstream education when the professionals wanted them to go into sn because we wanted them to be in the real world, not an artificial environment, because they have to live in the real world! So I think they should go with a parent when the parent is doing normal day to day stuff. How are they going to learn how you behave, say, in a post office, if they never go in one because dh doesn't want to deal with the behaviour?
Dh wouldn't listen to me, stood over me telling me I must respect his decisions. I said he doesn't respect mine. It got worse and then phrases like "I'm obviously not a superparent like you" and "you're being childish" (from him) and "What do you expect when you treat me like a child, stand over me like I'm a child and don't listen to my perspective" and "Why don't I just get a notebook and you can dictate all the opinions I'm allowed to have and then I'll have a handy reference book" (from me)
And it went downhill from there.
In front of the kids. [ashamed] All this time I was saying not in front of the kids not in front of the kids, but he kept on. At one point I said I am not responding any more and he said that's because I knew he was right. [red rag to a bull] I told him he tells me when he doesn't think I'm doing the best thing and I'm supposed to take it on board, yet when I do the same, he gets angry! He insisted I tell him specific times when he had critisised my parenting and when I was unable to NAME A DATE AND RECALL THE EXACT CONVERSATION, he refused to accept he had done it!!!
In the end he went off alone and left me crying.
I know we shouldn't have done this with the kids in the house [guilt]
I cannot see his pov at all. I think he is 100% unreasonable. He should take the kids with him (not every time, but regularly) and not avoid going to routine places with them because he doesn't want the hassle.
This is not an 'agree with me or else' post! I really want to know if I am being childish and unreasonable. Because for the life of me I can't see why he can't take them and why he can't see that not taking them is really shortsighted and selfish. What I need from you is - can you see his point? Am I being blinkered?
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AIBC? (am I being childish). It's bloody long, BUT at the end there is a reward, you get to tell me exactly what you think of me!!!!
12 replies
mytwopenceworth · 02/07/2007 11:17
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