Not a mum

[Hemma1985]

Hi, just looking for someone to talk to. I’m not a mum. I’m a 33 year old single female. I lost my mum to cancer a few years ago. I don’t have a support network of family or friends or bf/husband and I’m just feeling very isolated. It’s hard to find places on the net to talk to people/females of a similar age. I guess I just thought I’d try posting on here. Life has just been really emotionally tough for many many years and I feel so down about it all. Have done all the councillor routes and meds but I’ve come to the realisation that my issues are deep routed in my upbringing and relationship with my parents especially my mum. I am also ashamed that I find myself so isolated and don’t want to reveal to coworkers that I go whole weekends without human interaction. I have also avoided dating all my life because I am fundamentally flawed emotionally and physically and couldn’t handle revealing that to anyone not least a male. Plus guys never want to date me anyways and I cannot handle rejection. Sorry for the ramble. Just need to talk to someone anonymously. Not really looking for answers.

[Hemma1985]

Thank you for your time

[TrippingTheVelvet]

It sounds like you're having a shitty time of it at the moment. I've no real answers but I'm happy to give a virtual handhold whilst you vent.

[stuckficks]

This sound really tough, I'm not sure how busy the other topics board is so if it's ok with you I can report this thread to MNHQ and ask them to move it to either the mental health or the relationships boards. There are lots of lovely people on both that can offer hand holds and support or just listening ears.
Take a look at the stately homes thread too, there's lots you may find useful on there.
Sorry I can't be of more use but I hope Mumsnet helps you to offload and/or helps you find the resources that can help you.

[Frogscotch7]

I’m so sorry you’re having a hard time. Would you consider joining a real life club to get some human interaction outside of work? Keep your eye open for flyers for any sport, choir or club that you might give a shot.

[Hemma1985]

Thank you for your kind words 😔 I didn’t even expect to get a reply. I didn’t notice a mental health or relationships boards sorry. I’ll look at the thread you suggest.

[fascinated]

Hey there! This is a nice place to chat.

[user1484167681]

Hi, I’m not sure what to say really, but here’s another anonymous virtual handhold. I’m so sorry to hear things have been so difficult lately. Sometimes it all gets too much. I’m sad to hear you feel you’re flawed- I’m sure you have many, many wonderful qualities, it might just be hard to see them in yourself right now. 💐

[NameChange8866]

This post is like looking in the mirror. You aren't alone OP xx

[losingmymindiam]

To be honest I think there are lots of people in your situation, and even people with children and husbands can feel quite isolated. Sorry you feel this way. I second looking for clubs in your area or church if you are religious? How about volunteering - might kill 2 birds with one stone - make friends and feel good about yourself.

[BackforGood]

I was going to say exactly the same as losingmymind.
If you volunteer for something (and there are literally thousnds of things you can do - some less obvious than others) then it will get you out of the house, and you'll feel you are doing something for society, but you might possibly also start making some more friends / a support network as a bonus.

[TheABC]

. It sounds tough and I am sorry for your struggles and loss. Like the other readers, I would make baby steps towards opening your social circle with new hobbies, groups or volunteering. I really had to push myself into this when I went on maternity leave (and going stir crazy at home). It's not easy and I only managed it by pretending I was doing an interesting 'social experiment'. But the pretence worked and got me talking to other people.

[heykittygirl]

Really sorry you are feeling this way OP. Do you have any interests? Could you join a local club? Drama group or sports team? I recently moved to a new area and was feeling rather alone. I used to enjoy drama as a child and mustered my confidence to start up again. I've met some lovely people through that.

Otherwise Mumsnet is a good place to talk. People can be very kind.

[Frogscotch7]

Also do see if there’s a community garden nearby - I swear from experience getting your hands dirty and growing is one of the most healing and best things for the soul.

[Hemma1985]

Thank you all for the replies and suggestions. I have tried things similar in the past. I think what’s really getting to me is my negative experiences have always and still do outweigh any of the good I manage to have. Things are always changing too, I’ve lived in about 15+ different places and don’t feel I belong anywhere. And I’m frustrated my career isn’t going how I’d like it to. I have applied 4 times for a promotion at work and even though I am over qualified, I keep getting rejected. I feel they are getting my skills on the cheap. It is so demoralising and feels so personal.

[Hemma1985]

I work so hard and yet have nothing to show for it. I can’t even afford to rent my own flat.

[Hemma1985]

Apologies for this is all coming across like a moan. Like I mentioned, I don’t really have anyone suitable to talk to about it all. I’m an introvert at heart aswell and find if I tell others my problems they will use that info to harm me in some way. That has happened with a work colleague in the past.

[Hemma1985]

*if

[Frogscotch7]

You sounds just miserable and depressed tbh. So that’s probably the first reason you’re not attracting promotion/friendships/the things you really love.

I’m not judging you at all, I’ve been in the darkness of depression before, just trying to show you in case you’re missing it yourself. Doing the volunteering/singing/sport is not to find a place to share your unhappiness, it’s to find a little spark of enjoyment in life. The other things then tend to follow. If you don’t feel able to do these things then get yourself to a good Gp and explain what’s going on. Your life does not have to be this way but it can take a huge amount of energy to turn it around.