How to be happy and content and not jealous of everyone else

[Lorddenning1]

How do I find inner peace and not compare myself to others. When I'm down I compare myself to what others around me have, own home, nice car nice holidays etc. Today Facebook is filled with people in their nice gardens with matching ratan furniture with the perfect grass lawns, we don't have grass, just a small flagged yard with the smell of dog wee (even though it's been scrubbed a lot) we have 2 gorgeous happy children, we work full time but never seem to have what others do around us. I start to think why is their lives better than mine, what did they do differently, which is completely unfair as it isn't a level playing field. I was brought up in the care system and my OH is simerlar, so our start at life with pretty bad, we don't have people to turn to for deposit money etc, I still see my foster parents and have a relationship with them etc
I'm a being a dick, I know I have a lot to be great full for, we have done far more with our life than what was expected of us, but on the other hand it gets me down when I see people doing so much better than us.
I do think if we had all those things I would see find stuff to pick at, how do you find/get inner peace, does it come with age, can you learn how to get it?

[UserThenLotsOfNumbers]

Two things.

You're assuming a lot.
You're seeing an ideal image. You're seeing what people want you to see.

Also probably not a good idea to look at Facebook etc if you feel this way.

[Lorddenning1]

I agree Facebook is not real life, people only show you what they want you to see, I do the same if I'm honest. I don't always feel this way, what's set this off today is my damn oven broke and we have to replace it :( and we are skint.
It's not just people on Facebook that I'm jealous of, its people at work and friends and family :( I'm such a bad person

[UserThenLotsOfNumbers]

I'm sorry to hear that :(
I used to do the same thing comparing myself to others and feeling down about things. I got fed up with it in the end.
What helped was reducing Facebook etc time and keep telling myself "it's just an image". Connecting to people face to face more helps too.
It's all swings and roundabouts.

[UserThenLotsOfNumbers]

Comparing yourself to others doesn't make you a bad person!

[SorenLorensonsInvisibleFriend]

Comparison is the thief of joy..

Let everyone else go, you don't know if they're fighting mental illness, disability, bereavement or work stresses. It's not for you to know. They're making themselves happy by putting pictures up, make yourself happy by looking at your life and phrasing it in a way that pleases you.

You've got a healthy relationship. You've got two children. You've a house and jobs. You have the freedom and time to write on mumsnet, and the sensitivity and thoughtfulness to consider others.

Maybe read Frog Is Frog. It's a very cute children's book, but with a lovely deep message.

Incidentally, I am guilty of doing exactly the same thing, and I have to remind myself frequently - let them all go, free to live their lives while you do the same. Find the joy in your own lovely life.

[SmashedMug]

There's always someone who has it "better" than you but the best thing to do is remember you are someone's version of "better" too. I'd love to be able to work full time and have a partner and two children. So I could envy you the same way you envy other people!

[HoldingTheLineWinston]

Come off Facebook. Yes, that's a difficult thing to do, it's addictive! but your happiness quotient will soar. Trust me.

[SorenLorensonsInvisibleFriend]

I had a bit of a low period when my close friends were taking big exotic holidays, and felt small that we only live in a flat while they have big houses. I was a high achiever before I got an illness that restricts me and curtailed my career, and I still feel frustrated and have moments of threatening bitterness that I can't have what maybe 'should' have been my life.

But actually... I like our flat, and we're able to save a little money every month at the moment. I was very ill eleven years ago and thought I may never be able to walk again let alone have a family of my own. I love being a mum and wouldn't want to be as career-invested, maybe I would've struggled with that pressure. Nobody's life is perfect, but we can pick out the things that are just right for us and appreciate them for what they are.

[picklemepopcorn]

It's a discipline. Do things like daily gratitudes. Stop yourself when you notice that is what you are thinking.

Identify the things you are jealous of, and remind yourself that there are problems associated with them, that you have made different choices. For example, I don't want top end high spec gadgets because I'd worry about losing them or having the stolen. I don't get expensive furniture because I'd have to look after it and care if it got damaged. I prefer to live a more laid back life. We don't have a fancy car, or go on lots of holidays, we chose to pay the mortgage off earlier.


My kids found it hard at first, but they both really appreciate it now.

[DaffoDeffo]

you sound like you've done incredibly well to be where you are and achieve what you have done given your start in life

I read something about lottery winners - it said where people won the lottery and it gave them a quality of life similar to the quality of life their friends/family had, they were completely content. Where it elevated them to a level way above, they had a lot more difficulties which I thought was interesting.

you've done well, appreciate the small things. Roof over your head, health and happy family.

I think one side effect of coming out of the care system is that you always look for somewhere you belong and I know how hard it is to feel that way x

[FrameyMcFrame]

I have just finished 48 hours without Facebook. I feel calmer already.
I totally sympathise.
But even those with the perfect garden feel jealous too. It's a natural reaction for humans.
I just think Facebook brings it into your life in an unnatural way.

[yetAnotherNewName1000]

@pickleme's got it right, i reckon. I am very happy with my lot and i think it's because daily and it's become almost an unconscious habit now, i list all the things i feel lucky about. So today i was driving in beautiful countryside, with my dogs and healthy children to chill out at a gathering of people in the sunshine. For me, it doesn't really get better than that. So, my car may not be new, but it gets me around, i may not have been able to join in with the drinking, but i was enjoying the social scene, etc etc, just framing whatever is happening around you to look at the positives, rather than focusing on the negatives. After all, there are 2 sides to EVERYthing.

[ManifestingPowerhouse]

There are always people better off than you. There are people who would give their souls to have what you have.

Just do you.

[Pluckedpencil]

I think we all need to live in the moment more and take life for what it is, a series of events, and make the most of that precise event. e.g. you have an evening off, how can I maximise my happiness here.... I agree owning your life choices helps on the money related ones, as does coming off fb.

[Singlenotsingle]

However much a person has got, they're never satisfied. It's in the human psyche to want to improve one's lot. We're all the same.

[trickyboots]

It's called comparing and despairing.It's a thinking style you can train yourself out of. There's no point in comparison, you've no idea where people are at in their lives or how they got there. Moments of happy accepting family life are the dream in my opinion and material things aren't that. Plus people who endlessly photograph their lives for social media have a real want for validation. That's not great either in terms of self esteem. Keep reminding yourself what you've built, what matters to you, surround yourself with like minded people. Sounds like you know what matters but are sensitive to the materialistic onslaught that exists nowadays.

I was 40 before I got rattan furniture. Prior to that my seating for 4 days a year sunshine was a riot. My dog pees on the seat when the cushions are not on it. 😄.