Pleaaaaaaaaaaaase suffer my HV rant

[melsy]

OK so long story short & wil be quoite ranty, so I apologise. Im really wound up, depsite probably having another therad onb this from some months ago.

dd2 born 7.12 in Aug
BF baby
GREAT weight gain like 13oz, HV - but oohh no dont feed her less than 2 hrs apart ?? They dont need to be BF less than 2hrs apart? ME- WHAT about demand feeding ,where does that come in then,??? HV- , well they still need time for it to digest ? ahh right. So her GREAT weight gain is nothing to do with feeding her when she wants?
Then great weight drop from 50 percentile to 25.
HV getting concerned asking me to come every week grrrrrrrrrrrr
errrr shes bf , yes they do drop down and stay smaller arghhhhhhhhhhh so again I have weeks of that red book syndrome.
So I avoid clinic and carry on getting tormented anyway about her gain , despite wet nappies , bright child , poos , changing nappy sizes etc.
cut to Dec - me in panic & really quite unable to go to the clinic as have a very bad back and SPD, worried , tired and sore and anxious I stupidly asked HV to come round, weighed and guess what? , another percentile drop. Im now doing mixed feeding btw , but only just and yet again its that dreaded red book chart syndrome. Sooo HV says errrrrrr I think give her more bottles (yer that works doesnt it when they dont want it) , and feed her more ,ME- what? more than twice in the night and I dont know how many times during the day???) ahh ok if that doesnt work WEAN HER EARLY ,(despite all research to the opposite now fgs). HV- Ill come round every 4weeks is that ok ? Yer err great!
Cut to This afternoon phone goes
HV - hello its HV,how are you , me - Im doing ok , gettting there, HV- we havent seen you at clinic for some time? me errrr you said you would be coming round to me. HV err well we find its better you come to us, (never mind until 2-3 weeks ago I was in agony going out and could be sitting in a corner of my house with pnd or somesuch).

SO heres me all afternoon having ranted to a friend and driven her mad with it all. I dislike that shes planted the seed of doubt again in my head, that may be Im not doing right by my dd2. I dislike that I was told what to do. I dislike her abrupt and short manner and the nanny state business. I dislike that she didnt even ask how her feeding is going, Great actually , shes taking nearly 30 oz , in my book thats fab , shes also wearing dd1s clothes that dd1 didnt wear till she was a year fgs , why why why didnt I stick up for myself. What do I do now?????. Her last words were , we'll see you on Thursday. Why was she so short that I didnt even get a chance too explain. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR .

She organised student placement with me and asked if she was with me , which she is , so I think the implication is that if I had her then I should have been coming. How's about speaking to me with some ounce of intelligence and that If I was worried I would have phoned her already myself , as I had done the other time??


if you read all that twallop of mine I thank you for taking the time.

[colditz]

Oh God it can be hideous can't it? Awful, awful woman. How rude.

[Plibble]

Oh dear. Visiting the HV is not compulsory, you know.
Is it just the one person or do they have a team? The one who covers my street annoyed me, so I found another one who I really liked (they both work out of the same GP's surgery). Might that be an option for you?
As regards the feeding, if my baby was taking most of her bottles, fitting clothes for the right age baby (more or less), wriggling, smiling and looking well, I would be happy, pretty much regardless of what centile she was on.

[funnypeculiar]

gos she sounds mad as a box of frogs. But less cuddly.
Thi si what I would do:

1. Do not go to see her again, do not let her come to see you
2. Option 1 - If you feel brave: Write out why you don't want to see her 'I am happy that dd2 is gaining wieght & thriving, I feel that at this stage I prefer to moniter myself. Of course if I have any concerns, you'll be the first to hear ' or similar. Keep this byb the phone. If she rings again tell her this

Option 2 - if you feel less brave. Aovid her. If she calls, say you're planning to come but things have been busy. Any day that she wants to come is not convenient... Avoid, avoid, avoid

But dd2 has been weighed twice since she was born, so I do have previous form with h/vs!

[bananaloaf]

My HV drives me insane. i am back fulltime and dh is at home with kids. when she found out there was going to be a change when ds2 was 5 months wanted dh to come every 4 weeks! i had only taken him twice since she saw me post natally. she phoned dh last week and said now remeber to bring ds2 to clinic antyime in march for his next round of inoculations. dh agreed. when i asked dh has she said what innoculations they were he said no. i pointed out it was the MMR which she knew i wnated defered to 16months. i feel that she went behind my back. she covers this area and all the mothers have a problem with the wasy she talks to us. you are not alone

[melsy]

ahhh thanx colditz , thought it was just me being crazy.

they re all pants at my clinic plibble, they come out with some right stinkers. Why is it that we seem to be more informed than a lot of them???? and I apologise to the good ones , who make sure they research and stay informed.

Im sick of being told bogus out of date info and then feeling bad in myself about my parenting.ITS RIDIC.

[wellsie]

Melsy, I remember that Red Book Syndrome well with DS1. With DS2 I just don't go to the clinic unless I want a trip out and then I always regret it. Like 6wks ago when I went and said he wasn't rolling over yet but was only just 6mths. HV gave me "That Look" and said "hmmmm I'd have liked him to have rolled over by now" Worry set in and I was on Mumsnet straight away for reassurance which I got (BTW he's now 7.5mths and only just rolling from front to back but I'm not worrying) Anyway, I went today as due to go back to work in 2wks so thought best pop in, grrrrrrr mistake!! HV told me off for calling DS2 "Lazy" I told her he still wasn't rolling over but I figured he was just lazy and he has 2 servants (me & DS1) who do everything for him. I said it in a funny way and thought she'd take it as such but ohhhhh nooooo "Please don't ever call your son lazy he will just do things in his own time" [angry} FGS last time you told me he should've rolled over and this time he'll do it in his own time? Plus I'll call him lazy if I want to -OK!! But of course I didn't say any of that just walked away with tail between my legs feeling like I'd just been told off by the headmistress So please let me sympathise with you and sorry I seem to have hijacked your thread. My advice -don't go to clinic. You know your child and you do what you think is right.

[melsy]

oops didnt see u guys there , in my continued rant. I cant even type properly Im soooo annoyed.

The thing is , she sorted me a student , she also sorted me contact with homestart and Im having life coaching. Until 2 weeks ago i wouldn't go out alone tih my 2 girls , but last week I took them out all week , to all sorts of stuff I was soo proud. Part of me feels I shud be grateful a I think shes using that as her leverage.

[JodieG1]

I avoid hvs and did with all of mine. I only get them weighed because I want to know out of interest and never discuss anything with them. Why is she advising you to wean early as baby food contains less calories than milk so baby wouldn't put on more weight from the tiny amount of food eaten. I really get annoyed reading about hv and how bad they are, they are supposed to be trained professionals and know all about feeding and weaning.

[melsy]

Not hijaking wellsie , I liked reading your story there , made me chuckle

I dislike the "I know better", mothering style the like to adopt.

[tortoiseSHELL]

If it's any comfort, ds1 dropped from 91st to 9th, dd from 98th to 25th, then back to 75th, ds2 dropped from 99.8th to 2nd and then back to 25th.

My conclusion - they have their own patterns of weight gain, and mine all follow a 'tortoiseshell' growth curve!

You really don't have to go to the clinic every week you know - with ds2 I have NEVER been, because it is too difficult to get there with dd (ds1 is at school), with dd I think I went twice.

[melsy]

well yes exaclty jodie , thats what I thought when she made the weaning comment, and this was back in DEC, dd2 is only just 6mths old . I started weaning her about 3weeks ago , but she had grabbed from us when eating.

[melsy]

forgot to mention that she feels the student should see the inner workings of a clinic as part of her time with me ????????????

[nearlyfourbob]

Send her a letter telling her that you don't require her services any more (make it a nice polite one, but you don't need to give details), use your answerphone to screen your calls and then get on with enjoying your wonderful baby while she still is a baby.

I'm amazed that they have the time to chase people really, our HV "sacked" ds at 3 despite the fact that obviously school nursing doesn't kick in until 5. But then again maybe she sacks the 3 year olds so she can hound mother's of babies.

[petunia]

We had the same sort of thing with DD1 (birth weight 7lbs). B/fed every 2 hours, gained weight steadily until 13 weeks when it stalled. So h/v said to start weaning. When she was 6 months, her weight gain slowed, so I had to go to the baby clinic every month (I called it the "monthly humiliation" as I was interrogated each month as to what I was feeding DD). Eventually got to the 9 month developmental check, and she'd lost 3ozs in the 3 weeks since the last clinic. So it was suggested we see a doctor, he suggested going to the hospital (the Leicester Royal Infirmary) to see a paedatrician. So we ended up there, she had urine and blood tests (the blood tests left both of us in tears because they couldn't get blood out of her wrists so had to use her ankles), and found nothing wrong. I vowed then that if I had any other children, I would not have them go through what DD1 went through. In all this, we explained 'til we were blue in the face that both DH and I were short (so she wasn't exactly going to be "a giant", she ate like a horse, she looked healthy and we weren't worried (but like you, they'd planted that "seed of doubt"). So when DD2 came along, I got her weighed at each immunisation session 'til she was 6 months, and then didn't go again until she was 18 months old. A few years later, I found a booklet about weaning, and learned in there that b/fed babies weight slow down in the first year. If only I'd had that to show to the bl**dy h/visitors.
Sorry bit of a rant but it makes me so what those h/v's put DD through. As others have said, don't go again. For me, as long as DDs looked healthy, ate well and were growing out of clothes, that's all that mattered.

[estatebabe]

ok melsy - breathe!!! you know your dd, like you said if she is pink in colour, happy and gaining weight of any kind, then you're going in the right direction! she's not your first baby, so you know what you're doing. tell hv you're going back to work so you won't be able to bring her anymore and if you need her you'll call. thats what I did and she was most put out that I didn't need her anymore!

[melsy]

thats awful petunia, made me well up for you and for thinking OMG I hope they dont go that route with dd2. Im actually fully ff feeding now, so theyre going to expect bigger weight gain,(again old info), as BF and ff doesnt necessarily have diff calories.

[melsy]

ohh grrrrrrrr why oh why couldnt I have said some of these great combacks then.

[Snowboo]

Ah Mels, don't get me started on HVs!!! Or drs for that matter