My mother hated her MIL, but when her MIL died, my mother creepily began to take on aspects of her loathed MIL's personality: a deep snobbery, bitterness, a penchant to say hurtful and critical things, an obsession with the achievements of her children, and a deep need to stay in her friends' high esteem even if it means rejecting her children.
On a recent visit to my parents' house, my mum
- Said my nanny would never be acceptable in a "good home"--meaning that dh & I don't run a "good home."
- Said that the poem I was commissioned to write for a choreographer hardly sounded like the kind of thing to "win a Pulitzer prize."
- Said to one of her friends, in my presence, "Obviously we don't know how to raise children in this country."
She & my father want me to move back to the US so they can be near my kids; but they want my brother, who lives nearby, to move across country because he's gay & they don't want their friends finding out.
But my parents have their good points, and I've read lots of posts from mumsnetters who have lost their mums and are devastated. I know I won't have my mum forever, so how do I handle these horrible comments? Do I ignore them, and grow increasingly bitter myself? Or do I confront her and cause a war, which is the end result whenever I "dare" confront her. Or do I simply try to detach myself and visit less frequentlly (which also means missing out on seeing my elderly grandmother, whom I adore). Has anyone been in a similar situation? If so, how have you handled it?