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Advice needed for pregnant woman in trouble

(6 Posts)
whethergirl Wed 01-Dec-10 12:48:27

Really didn't know where else to post this so if anyone has any better ideas, let me know!

I have a friend who is 5 months pregnant, living with her mum and brother who don't know she is pregnant due to cultural complications. She has just called me in tears because her maniac brother started bullying her again and being aggresive, so I've told her to pack her stuff and come and stay at mine.

Her dp lives a couple of hours away, and has been trying to look for somewhere for them to live but to no avail. He is not in a stable job and has bouts of depression. He has offered to come and get her today but we all decided it would be too dangerous/troublesome with the snow conditions.

She had to give up work (she was a carer and it was physically too demanding on her pregnancy), she has no money and is now homeless. She doesn't have ANY baby stuff, AND she is having regualar check ups and scans because her baby is very small.

What else can I do to help? Is there anyway she can be housed (I think the first thing she needs is her own place, and her dp doesn't seem to be sorting it). Does anyone know the best way I can go about it, and what other help there is for her? Would really appreciate it, thanks.

LittleOneL Wed 01-Dec-10 14:04:57

Hi.
This is a sad state to be in and not good for mother or child.
I would suggest going to the GP ASAP- book an evening emergency appointment OR call her midwife. Both these parties have lots of information on who you can call for help and then at least your friend has a variety of options. They will probably also recommend she talks to the local council; they do a lot to help 'single' mothers. I know she has a partner but in essence, currently, she needs the councils help as partner cannot currently support (and as you said, he doesn't seem to be sorting anything) and family support is not an option.
The council will also then help her with job searches suitable for her work experiences and also condition...they are surprisingly very good when it comes to mothers and kids!

Alternatively, if you feel that the GP/midwife/council is of no help, then I highly recommend the NCT. www.nctpregnancyandbabycare.com/

The NCT are second-to-none when it comes to help, advice etc. and they also have a big network your friend can use for support.

Perhaps also put her partner into some kind of counselling- depression around a newborn is not good. And talk to his family also, if they are co-operative and supportive of them.

Hope it helps and the best of luck.

whethergirl Wed 01-Dec-10 14:46:37

Thanks LittleOneL for all the advice. I think she has a midwife appt tomorrow actually, so will speak to her about that. She is making a long journey to come to mine so not sure about seeing her GP at the mo - wonder if I can sneak her into see my GP, just for advice?

Presume you mean job searches after giving birth, as she is 5 months already and in a fragile state so working now is not really an option. Even after baby, not sure of the logistics of her working if she ends up living on her own.

Will definitley call NCT, never thought of them as I never used them myself.

I personally don't believe her dp is capeable of looking after her and the newborn which is why I want to try and help her make independant arrangements. But I will ask about his family as I'm sure she's stayed with them before when her dp was still living there.

She's just called me to say that she was just leaving to come to mine when she saw her mum who had fallen on some ice and hurt her head, so is now taking her to A & E!

LittleOneL Fri 03-Dec-10 07:43:36

Oh dear! I hope all is well. A little A&E adventure to top it all off.

I think you may be able to get her into your GP- it depends how large your clinic is. Alternatively a simple walk-in centre is also good. But her midwife should also help her.

Yes, I did mean job after the child is born. The council can help with childcare and finding work so she can balance the two. It's not easy or nice having to leave the child with someone else to work a few hours but if it's what has to be done to support your family...at least the kid would be in capable hands.

The NCT are truly fabulous. You'll find all sorts of things on their website and they're a very good charity.

All the very best of luck

MmeLindt Fri 03-Dec-10 07:52:31

Whethergirl
Just saw this thread. What a shame, your poor friend. Did she get to your house?

Has she contacted the council to see if they can help her? Do you have a local Women's Shelter? I would start there. Presumably she would be quite high on the priorities list, being alone and pregnant.

Hope that some more experienced MNetters come along with more detailed advice.

whethergirl Fri 03-Dec-10 23:12:10

Thank you ladies, yes my friend is here and is ok, she is much happier to be out of her mum's place.

The plan is, for her dp to come and get her on Sunday and she'll probably stay at his mum's house for the time being. She needs to come back on Thursday for another scan, and will be staying at mine for a few days. (I told her to stay at mine as long as she needs but as her dp has made the 'effort' of coming to pick her up in a car, she wants to grab the opportunity to move some of her belongings over there).

Once she is in the area, she will contact the council, and I've also told her to get on income support when she gets there as she has no income at all and her dp can't support her financially (that way she can get the surestart maternity grant and get a few baby things too!). Once she is there, she will also call and tell her mum she is pregnant! I can't believe her mum hasn't noticed. I mean she's small, but you can still see a bump.

I've also passed on all the other advice I can, she is going to call NCT. Thing is, she tends to play down her situation - I don't think she realises how dire her situation actually is. I mean if I was 5 months pregnant, had no home, no family support, very little dp support, concerns over health of baby, no baby gear and no income, ....I'd be bloody panicking!

I've mentioned her getting a place of her own but I think she's keen to set up with her dp so didn't push the subject. Apparently his gran is lending him the deposit money for a place so we'll see what happens!

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