Starting to feel hopeless. Not good for baby, life or relationship.(2 Posts)
Hello. I am in a bit of a complicated state.
My partner and I are in a stable happy relationship. We are expecting our first child in May. Because we've both been working abroad for a long time and have only recently returned to the U.K we are only about to start looking for a place to move in together that is a fair distance between our families as well as commutable distance to our workplaces.
There is one big thing that gets in the way of being able to plan LIFE so we have something solid to come to as a family come May. He works all over the world but his boss doesn't give him a monthly schedule, instead it's a phonecall the day before to say you'll be working wherever and we're meant to act on that. He was recently asked if he wanted to go to Quatar to work from Dec-Feb for good money and good work. You can see the good and bad points of this...money good to save up for May, good experience but he'll miss Xmas, New Years, his birthday AND the second scan of the baby where we want to find out the sex of the child (he missed the first scan due to work commitments which is fine).
He did ask his boss 3 weeks ago if he can come home for the Xmas period meaning he wouldn't miss any of those things and we'd be able to sort stuff out together when he's back for that period too. But, the boss hasn't bothered to call him back: his game is he won't call him back and he'll be expected to fly out this Sunday.
Now as mad as his boss makes me, and I've made this very clear, it saddens me more that I'll have to go to the 'big scan' alone, he won't be here for Xmas- and so it begs to ask if he'll be here for any Xmases- and I'll have to find and sort a house/flat out for us on my own so we can move in before May.
I've asked him not to go but that I understand why he would go. I'm not sure what more to say to him. Even this week as I'm trying to arrange house-viewings for when he MAY be around before he's meant to go to Quatar and it's just turning impossible.
I won't beg but I can't get through to him how sad it would make me if he went and how difficult it would make it for me especially being pregnant to juggle everything at home on my own. But I know why he'd need to go if he does go and I have started to resign myself to the fact that he will go and I'll end up having to go it alone until Feb.
What would you do? What is the right thing?
It's a really tough one (as you know). I suppose if you want/need the money then you both have little choice for now but I suspect it may be more difficult for you once the baby arrives. If this work situation continues, would you have enough support from family and friends to cope?
The problem here is, obviously, the boss. Is there any chance of your partner advising his boss that if he doesn't let him know about Christmas, he won't be going to Qatar? That's risky, obviously, but it sounds as if this boss is really taking the piss (and it's to his benefit to do so).
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