I have changed my name for this thread as I know a few people here in RL and would rather they had no knowledge of the following.
I would be interested on your views regarding a situation I find myself in almost weekly which I am starting to have reservations about. Hope this post won?t be too long or overcomplicated in explanation.
I got to know about 5 other girls from my ante natal group. It was a very small group and so easy to get to know everyone and form relationships quite quickly. There was one person (X)who naturally stood out as an organiser and seemed very keen to get to know us all; she initiated most of the initial outings and coffee mornings etc.
It?s about 2 years since then and in that time certain conversations and actions from one particular person I shall call X have been flagged up especially in the last 6 months or so. She is seemingly a very assertive, opinionated person who lately I find quite unpleasant. She started off with really singling out one girl for her parenting style and a few personal comments. Starting off most of her tirades with ?I really like her but?.? I didn?t get too worked up over it as I didn?t really join in and would just brush it off and say ?well, we all have our styles and personal foibles..blah blah? That particular person works full time now and doesn?t attend any get-togethers with as much frequency but she still gets a bit of a slating from X. Recently she has been saying things of a racist nature too?precluding with ?I?m not racist but?..? She uses the word Paki etc. I have told her that I am not comfortable with her using that language in front of me or my child. She kind of peddled backwards a bit and constantly refers to me as being ?so PC? (FFS!)
I have tried to subtley invite another girl over for coffee by her self but a suggestion of the latter always gets the following response. ?Oh ok, is everybody else coming too?? which I take as a subtle hint , meaning they would rather it stay that way.
Just as an example last week we went to a huge park and all of the kids were toddling around have fun when a man walked past with a Bull Mastif dog. They all curiously started to follow the man. He stopped and waited for them to catch up so that they could stroke/see the dog up close. The minute my DS got close I leapt up and said under my breathe ?mmm I don?t think so? (We have a dog and My ds bashes it around a fair bit and I didn?t think this man?s dog would appreciate similar) The minute I got up X says ?Oh FGS it?s ok let them, the owner wouldn't stop unless the dog was ok? I couldn?t believe part of me almost considered sitting down again the instinct took aver and I went over to Ds and sat down to the grass next to him making sure he didn?t startled the dog whilst all the another toddlers had a grab (interestingly 3 of the other mums went to get up too but following X?s comments sat back down again) I?m afraid I just wasn?t prepared to risk that but came back to muttering from X and this made me feel a bit paranoid.
I have tried to limit my contact with the group as it?s starting to feel awkward when she?s there ? when she?s not it?s fab in my opinion and very relaxed.
My problem is I really like the other girls and feel I don?t want to stop going and wipe out all the lovely memories and history that we?ve had but equally I feel I can?t continue attending if X is going to be there. It?s getting silly as I am constantly being made to feel like an idiot for my beliefs and ideals by her and her only. I think everyone else is too scared to challenge her or disagree with anything she says.
Part of me just thinks I should cut off contact and not bother with any of it anymore but then I will lose out on having known 3 other really lovely girls. I feel a little resentful that I may have to do this. I must say that X is extremely unapproachable and I have tried to have conversations which may challenge her reactions to certain things and she goes off on one.
Any suggestions?
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Advice needed for tricky situation please.
18 replies
whatdoyoureckon · 19/08/2005 13:12
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