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Torn at decision around 2nd baby

(9 Posts)
April45 Sun 28-Apr-19 20:25:14

I feel so torn with whether to have a second child. I'd love DS to have a sibling he got on with but my dilemma is what if they didn't get on/ baby had health issues/ just different interests meaning DH and I would have to focus on one child each rather than all together. I really like us as a 3 and love our time together and am quite happy to stay this way but should I give DS a sibling?

I feel quite happy at no then I see antenatal friends with having number 2 and I feel a gut wrenching feeling that I'm doing the wrong thing. Did anyone else have this? Any thoughts?

AnchorDownDeepBreath Sun 28-Apr-19 20:26:15

Do you want another baby? For you, not for DS?

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat Sun 28-Apr-19 20:28:47

With respect, you’re looking at it slightly oddly. Which is fine, you don’t have to have a second child, but if you do then I wouldn’t be worrying about whether they get on. Sometimes they will, sometimes they won’t. It certainly doesn’t mean you have to do things separately. It’s lovely to have one on one time of course but family time is important too. Good luck whatever you decide.

pastabest Sun 28-Apr-19 20:37:06

My two fight constantly.

And having two children under two has been a living nightmare.

But they are 11 months and 2.2 now and when they smile at each other, cuddle each other and gang up on me with each other it's lovely.

Both me and DP came from large families so couldn't imagine our first child not having at least one sibling, we didn't even need a discussion. Had I known how hard two would be I would have thought a bit harder about it, but still made the same decision but left a bigger age gap

Ultimately it's your decision, but people tell me that once they get older having more than one is better because they entertain each other..... that's one good reason if nothing else grin

April45 Sun 28-Apr-19 20:45:11

Anchor, I'm really happy as a family of 3 so no I don't feel the need to expand, but I feel I'm depriving DS by not. Georgie.. I am looking at it oddly but this is what's in my head confused

NameChangerAmI Mon 29-Apr-19 22:00:46

Part of the deal of having siblings when you're a child is that some of the time you get on, the rest of the time you don't - that's a given.

No one can predict beyond that.

If the major deciding factor in whether or not you should have another child, is that they get on, then maybe accept that sometimes they will, sometimes they won't.

That should be secondary though, the major question is surely do you and your DH/DP actually want a second child?

Having a second DC shouldn't come down to giving DC1 a sibling, rather, you and your DH having a much wanted second DC. IMHO.

RDMummy Tue 30-Apr-19 20:17:50

This was one of several reasons we decided we were happy with one. I really didn't like the idea of us doing different, separate things if we had two who were different or didn't get on. I saw this happening with families of some of our friends. It would create a level of anxiety I would struggle with (I suffer with anxiety anyway). We are very happy as a three and really close, I love it. I had no great desire to have another baby and can't have another just to give DD a sibling. You aren't doing anything wrong as long as you are doing what feels right for you. There is no right and wrong here.

Lilac3 Tue 30-Apr-19 20:21:37

How old is your ds and how old are you?
Can you afford to wait?

I really don't get the feeling that you want another baby at all.

BooseysMom Wed 01-May-19 06:15:37

@April45...I have just one and we tried for another every now and then (so not seriously) but now DS is 5.5 and it's not happening as we haven't tried hard enough. So at 47 that's our lot and sometimes I have a crisis and regret not trying harder and sometimes I look at our little family and think ..well actually we're ok.
DS has never been interested in a sibling mainly as he doesn't want to share his toys and says babies cry all the time! So it's not like there's pressure to have another. I do worry about him in the future as we're older and there's no family but there are no guarantees and he'll find his own way. If he finds a loving partner I'll be made up for him. My family are all idiots so it means nothing to me but I will teach him self sufficiency and how to form lasting friendships. It's the best I can do.
Anyway I think the gut wrenching you're getting is just a natural pull to want a baby and I get those all the time. Look at it practically, can you afford it, are you in the right place to do it? We had to wait until late 30s before trying.
Everyone is different and only you know what's best for you and your family. Nature usually decides for you anyway.. That's what we found!
Good luck OP xx

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