happy with one

[Usedaname01]

I'm very new here so I'm just figuring this out haha
so my daughter will be 4 in March and for the past few months my husband and I have been talking (often arguing recently) about whether we want another child or not. I've come to the conclusion that I'm with it being the three of us however my husband really wants another. He thinks it would be good for her to have a sibling and learn to share which i understand but money wise I don't think it's the best idea. We're not necessarily struggling but with another mouth to feed we probably would. as for learning to share I'd say she has that fairly under control, she plays nicely with her 5 year old cousin and her nursery friends. I like being able to focus on her and her needs, I grew up with two older brother and as i got older I found it easy to hide things I didn't want my parents to know about whilst their focus was on my brothers. I realise this may never become an issue for us but i wouldn't want her to feel any less loved or for her problems to go unnoticed. My husband says I'm over thinking things but never seems to listen to my views on the situtaion

[Nicpem1982]

Having a child is a joint decision.

My dd (3) is an only and we're really happy with our decision she mixes well with others, will share happily however is strong enough to tell people no.

As a family we are in a good financial position and can do lots of nice days out and experiences that we would have to really consider if we had a second child.

She has lots of hobbies again we'd have to reconsider this if she had a sibling due to both timing and costs.

Our little family of 3 really suits us.

[Rhubarbginmum]

Unfortunately it’s something you can’t compromise on so one if you will have to either give in or the other loose out.
I am fortunate enough to have two children (married later older Mum took awhile to conceive etc). We tried for another baby very soon after having our first and got pregnant straight away. I/we wanted another child for the reasons your DH describes. Having two children felt more like a complete family for us rather than us and one child.
Their have been times when it has been absolutely lovely seeing them playing together, having fun together, laughing, sticking up for one another, helping one another, getting up to mischief together etc etc.
But honestly it has also been bloody hard work (and most of that would fall to you) with two babies and later two children and forever trying to divide your attention/time in half, sibling rivalry, referee arguments as they have got older, ensure you are treating them fairly in their eyes so it has been tiring and challenging and hasn’t always been easy.
One friend has one DD slightly older than my oldest she is a lovely girl, has all she wants, happy sensible stable sociable and loved and her grandparents have babysat and helped out a lot, now she is 15 almost 16 they are out socialising all the time. I wonder what life would have been like with just one of my D.C. who may have had a better relationship with their grandparents and we may have got more family support. We are lucky if we go out together once or twice a year as no sitters. Grandparents never sit and never have and never have them sleepover.
But no I wouldn’t be without either of my two lovely crazy kids and my crazy and at times chaotic family life.
Talk to your DH and good luck working things out. What’s right for one person may not be right for another. You sound like you all have a nice quiet calm good life right now which suits you and 4 or 5 years would be a big age gap how would you feel about night feeds, weaning etc etc?

[justanotheruser18]

Tbh as much as your husband has a say in your number of children, ultimately it's your call. You are the one with the uterus, you will give birth, you may well be the primary carer too.

If your husband only wants a second child so that your first child can learn to share, that's really not reason enough to shake your world with a new baby.

I'm part of the one and done brigade, so I'm very much with you on the financials, the time, the focus on the child etc.

You two will both reach a decision that is best for your family.. but if your gut is saying no, listen carefully.