Hubby and baby have same routine

[Tina3]

Hi ladies. My DD and OH both tend to go
To bed at the same time. DD is 9 and usually sleep around 9pm, my hubby comes back from work around 7.40; washes himself, changes clothes, eats dinner and is ready for bed! I find this ridiculous as I need to read to DD, tuck her in and let her fall asleep or calm down. By the time I go to my OH he is snoring away! What am I supposed to do? He wakes up at 4 to study for his Masters. We have just started living together as I gave up work from another city (and my friends/my life) to move in with him. But life can’t go on like this. I feel very lonely. Any suggestions?

[PotteringAlong]

He’s up st 4 to fit in study for a higher qualification, works all day, stays up until DD goes to bed and then, as he’s been up for 17 hours, goes to bed himself.

I’m not really seeing the problem if I’m honest,

[AfterSchoolWorry]

Well, could you find hobbies to do in the evening or go to meet friends.

It sounds like he has a heavy schedule, working late as having to get up early to study.

I can sympathise with that, I have to go to bed as early as possible too, otherwise I'd be too tired to function. I would not have energy to sit around chatting etc in the evening.

[SleepingStandingUp]

So id he up from 4 onwards? No wonder he's asleep by 9. Perhaps you can demand he goes to bed at 11 and manages on 5 hours sleep for your benefit or give up his qualification because its inconvenient to you.

Why did you get married if you weren't even living together? Surely you knew what his schedule was like before hand?

Has your daughter got SN that you want DH to help and support you with? I think that's reasonable, he does need to step up and be a step dad but it sounds like he's doing an incredibly ling day to create a better life for you all.

What time does he stop studying / go to work and is there a gap in the middle?

[MorningstarMoon]

1st off 9 years or 9 months because if 9 years she isn't a baby.

If 9 months then you don't particularly need to read to her.

2nd - your DH is working hard stays up until your DD goes to bed to then go to bed himself then gets up at 4am to study for his masters. [Hmm] I would LTB he clearly doesn't love you.

Come on OP it's not as if he's off drinking and partying all night.

[BikeRunSki]

Thread title says “hubby and baby”, so I am guessing the child is 9 months old.

[Pittcuecothecookbook]

Hmm

[SuperBeagle]

Bloody hell, give the poor bloke a break, he's up at 4am to study and then goes to work all day. Not surprised he's ready to roll into bed when he gets home.

[Mummyoflittledragon]

Perhaps put the baby to bed earlier. Bring the time back in 5 min increments until your baby is asleep and you’re free at 8ish. Then you will have a little time together. Perhaps persuade him to stay up till 9.30. You could lie and talk in bed.

My dh doesn’t get much time at all with me. I’m chronically ill and am in bed either a bit before or a bit after he comes home at the moment. I’m sure he’s lonely at times. I’m not doing it deliberately. I wish it were different.

[BoomBoomsCousin]

I can see why this is an issue for you. You've given up all your social contacts to move there and then found he has no time to spend with you. It must be really lonely.

If he's getting up at 4 am I can see why he needs to go to bed so early. But I also see why it's not working for you. When did he have time for you before you moved in with him?

What does he think about the situation?

[LolitaLempicka]

Could your 9 month old go to bed earlier? That way you could spend a couple of hours with DH and he could still go to bed early.

[SleepingStandingUp]

Oh I read as 9 yrs hence my assumption of SN and she needed so much support at bedtime. Given the title 9 months makes more sense.

[justanotheruser18]

Hi. I'm sorry you're feeling lonely. I do think it's reasonable that your OH is going to bed when he is in the week, but perhaps you could arrange to do something fun or special together on a Saturday night?

With my six month old, we are generally in bed by 9pm and we don't study for a masters. It's a difficult time. Having a baby is tough. Readjusting to life after one is tough. Having a full time working and 📖 partner at the same time is even tougher.

[Tina3]

Hi ladies. Thanks for all your input. I know feel that maybe I am being a bit unreasonable and should support him in his higher studies. I feel lost as I do t have any friends here and other mums in toddler groups etc are not very friendly. Maybe it is early days. Having given up my job, friends and whole life in another city and then coming here to find myself so alone makes me want to spend more time with my husband. I love my baby and enjoy our time together. Just long for some adult company but maybe I need to befriend me and find some hobbies. Thanks again xx

[SleepingStandingUp]

I would def work on getting baby down earlier, say 7'30 /8 so you can spend some time alone with partner, maybe go up to bed for a cuddle and whatever then come down and enjoy an hour to yourself