partner concerns

[Topdad15]

Don't know if I broke the rules but im a dad looking for advice. My partner and I have a 6 month old. I work full time 9-5 and worry that my partner isn't getting out enough. Other than doctors trips our baby girl has barely seen the outside world. she refused to join any parent groups and doesn't even bother with friends. I do all the shopping trips so she doesn't even do them. When I get home I still need to do almost all the housework as she is stressed all day about baby. I'm hugely concerned but she calls this normal. Am I worrying too much? Or does she have a problem?

[QuiteLikely5]

Could you ring the HV and share your concerns and see what she advises?

I think this scenario is typical for a couple of months but not six.

[Whatthefreakinwhatnow]

I agree, the first few weeks with your first baby can be overwhelming and forsome people getting organised and out of the house is daunting, but by 6 months I would be expecting that to have passed.

How is your DP generally? Is she sleeping and eating ok? Has she been getting out at all, with you or with friends or even by herself, or is it just not with the baby?

Have you talked to her gently explained that you are a bit concerned?

[Topdad15]

I don't have any details for the health visitor and never met her. I think she would freak if I asked. That's why I'm asking here. Next step would be the midwife at the local doctors, even though I did meet her and found her obnoxious, very anti men!

[Topdad15]

She doesn't go out at all unless I really force the issue but it's so little fun it's not worth the trouble. On one occasion when I took baby out myself she virtually had a panic attack. We sleep separately since birth so I can't wake them when I get up early for work and eating seems fine. I have tried to air my concerns but im shot down every time and told it's normal, what would I know, ect. I'm trying my best to be there for her but worry we're raising a recluse and worrying for our future!

[donajimena]

This does not sound good. Health visitor is a better bet than midwife (unless this is what you meant) if not can you speak to a GP?

[donajimena]

Sorry I see you can't get hold of hv. They are usually attached to the gp practice anyway.

[ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight]

She sounds very anxious, possibly depressed.

[Whatthefreakinwhatnow]

I agree, sounds like your partner may be suffering with post-natal depression and/or anxiety.

You are going to have to tread very gently here as she is almost certainly aware she is unwell but isn't ready to talk to you about it.

I would call your GP today and ask for the contact details of your HV. They are very good and will perhaps be able to arrange a visit under the pretence of a 6 month check or something.

It sounds a very difficult situation for both of you, and you sound very caring and supportive OP which is exactly what she needs.

With the right help she will start to feel better. keep being there for her OP, and maybe encourage her to go out with a friend,just a coffee for an hour. It will do her the world of good.

[Gingernut81]

It does seem like she made might be struggling. I felt like this during the first few weeks and when my daughter was a month old I nearly gave up meeting some colleagues as I got so stressed out but my mum pretty much kicked me out of the house! It was the push I needed. My daughter is now 10 weeks old and we have got into a nice routine. Monday is shopping day, Friday baby massage and on the other days I might meet a friend, pop into town or go for a walk if the weather isn't too horrendous. Like I said, it did really stress me out to start with, however I've had to learn to be more relaxed about things, for instance breast feeding in the supermarket car park

It does sound like your partner is very anxious. I've suffered from depression for a long time and am on antidepressants for post natal depression at the mo. My husband is very good at spotting me going down hill and will bring it up with me very openly but I can see how this may be difficult for you. Does she have any family you could speak to that might help? What about her friends, does she them anymore?

I'm sorry I can't be more help but she does need to understand that being so anxious is not 'normal' and that help (be it counselling, medication or support) will make things so much better for her and help her to regain control of her life.