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What is like to be 3 in a world of 4?

(13 Posts)
Azzurro Fri 12-Dec-14 10:03:53

I am a so called old mum, had my little one when supposedly my fertility was declining and I just hit the 40 milestone, I have a career, financial and social stability, a happy marriage but after my daughter's birth 4 years ago, we were given the disheartening news of unexplained secondary infertility! Without going into many details, I almost died on the operating table with an emergency C-section and knew right that moment I will not be able to conceive again, albeit NHS was convinced so....but that's another story...
After over 3 years of trying, after 3 fertility clinics after spending time recovering away from my little princess we have decided to draw the line.....and we are happy with the decision, but.....we have never imagined or fantasised for a life being 3! Hubby and I both have siblings and they have 2 or more children, we know very few couple with only one child, we have no idea what Is best, what to do, what not do.....but most important what is like? I adore spending time with my little one, but it is that too much, am I turning her into an adult too early? She is cheeky, but I am proud she already has principles like hitting is no no no, or snatching does not make you a good friend etc. she is very popular I have been told at her nursery, but will be the same at school? What about school holidays? How to explain why Elsa from Frozen has a sister and she does not have one?

What is like be 3? What is like to be 3 in a world of 4?


CoffeeBucks Fri 12-Dec-14 10:11:51

It is what it is, I think.

If you are worried about her not interacting with other children enough, she will get all she needs from friends, school mates etc.

There will be other children without sibs at her school.

Tykeisagirl Fri 12-Dec-14 10:18:01

It's just fine being a three family, I say this as an only with an only so I know what I'm talking about wink. Why does Elsa have a sister when your DD doesn't? Because families come in shapes and sizes. Your DD will encounter families like hers, ones with many more children, separated parents, step siblings and more. There isn't a rule which says unless you're two parents and two children then you're not a "proper" family.

School holidays are fine, there are plenty of chances to socialise both ad hoc like trips to the park and booked things like holiday club. Also don't forget that siblings aren't automatically friends, just look at some of the threads on here re sibling rivalry and not being the favourite child.

Enjoy your daughter and being with her.

CMOTDibbler Fri 12-Dec-14 10:18:10

I know quite a lot of one child families, and although ds has asked in the past why he doesn't have siblings, and has accepted the truth with total acceptance.

Ds goes to holiday club (dh and I both work) and loves it, but also seems pretty good at finding people to play with on holiday etc.

trinitybleu Fri 12-Dec-14 14:07:37

We're a 3 ... DD is 7. She also makes friends easily so always finds someone to play with at the park. She does ask at weekends for friends to come over a lot but talking to other Mums of more, their kids want their friends not their siblings, so no an only child exclusive whinge!

I love being 3. She gets loads of attention, either of us can easily get away for a night out and leave the other 2 for a movie and early night treat, you get time to yourself.

Azzurro Fri 12-Dec-14 15:49:16

That's right family comes in every shape, size and number, we are already "unusual" as I am not a native British and little one has three nationalities and speaks fluently 2 languages, but it strikes me that everywhere there is the stereotype of 4, like family tickets, it is two adults two children, or family toys, always 2 siblings (and a dog! Lol).

Cedar03 Mon 15-Dec-14 11:02:25

We have one daughter, she is now 7. As others have said, families come in all shapes and sizes. She has asked about having a younger brother or sister. And for a while at school they thought she had one because she'd been pretending. But I just told her that I wasn't having any more children and she has to lump that.

As has been said, having a sibling doesn't mean that you'll get on with them. And the grass is greener, always.

We're very hot on behaviour and try not to spoil her. The only advantage is that she does get to do what she wants when there is a choice. She doesn't have to do something that a sibling wants to do.

School holidays we arrange to meet up with friends, there are usually holiday clubs around. She does also enjoy having time to herself.

Azzurro Mon 15-Dec-14 15:17:30

Thank you for sharing....Sayurday we were shopping for a new car seat...I had a pang when I saw couples with a bump or a newborn, i realise how much I have been avoiding seeing/socialising with people having a newborn unless it includes a play date with a child at similar age than my dd....I am overly thinking the whole 3 versus 4 but it is true I am more worried about me as 3 than really my Dd and hubby, they are just so accepting and happy and thankful!!! I feel like the one that need reassurance from outside, whilst they get energy from what we are and have!
Thank you for this reassurance and these lovely stories, it warms my heart that it is after all how I want to live this! Worry or embrace it and forget about it!

number1daddy Mon 15-Dec-14 23:38:35

what about a world of two hehe. that's me and my son and we love it

Cabrinha Sun 28-Dec-14 23:54:15

Ha! I read the OP and wanted to say the same as the last poster. What is this family of4? We are 2!
Not what I wanted or planned, but it is what it is, and the answer is that families are all different.
My 5yo knows that she doesn't have a sibling because babies are precious and special and not, for everyone, easy to make. She's aware that a doctor and a Petri dish featured in her earliest days!
Just how it is.
As for Elsa and Anna? Their parents are dead. So not exactly the perfect family of 4! Like I say - families are all different sizes.

Hello2705 Wed 31-Dec-14 14:16:21

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Cabrinha Wed 31-Dec-14 14:19:45

I believe that there are rules for journalists, and you are breaking them. Suggest you contact the site admin - which would be the logical and polite thing to do anyway.

Cabrinha Wed 31-Dec-14 14:20:48

Also, "it seems more and more"? I do hope you'll consider actual, like, research for the piece. I'm sure ONS could help confused

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