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only child?

(13 Posts)
JessicaD21 Thu 13-Mar-14 16:35:56


Me and my husband have a fantastic and beautiful 2 yr old daughter but getting her into the world was very traumatic and subsequent events have left us wondering whether just having our little girl is just the way it should be for us for the reasons listed below:

1. I had hyper morning sickness for 8 months in pregnancy and was totally house bound by it and have a 95 percent chance of it being the same next time.
2. I had a 56 hr delivery ending in forceps and a SEVERE life threatening hemmorrage.
3. I have 2 prolapses that are manageable as they are but may well get worse with a future pregnancy and birth.
4. I had to have an operation for an excruciating tear i developed in birth that caused me pain every day for 7 months that nay return with a subsequent pregnancy.

Now after all this me and my partner always said no way to another but we started to get broody and after having an elective c section agreed we decided to try again, i got severely sick and my mum had to come and take my daughter to all her toddler classes and to the ducks and everything and i started to feel i was going to miss out on the next 9 plus months of her life, sadly at our 12 week scan we were told that we had miscarried we where devastated and a D&C and 2 cervical infections later we would still love a second and to give our daughter a sibling but we really are considering just enjoying her and having a family of three.

I just want ppls reactions to this, am i justified in not putting myself through another pregnancy and possible further ops to give my daughter a sibling?

Thanks for your time x

wheretoyougonow Thu 13-Mar-14 18:14:17

Only you can choose how many children you have. There are some real advantages to having only one child and it sounds like you had a really rough time in pregnancy.
I wanted more children than I have but stopped because my health was at risk. I went through a period of regret but totally love my little family set up now.

LifeIsBetterInFlipFlops Thu 13-Mar-14 18:24:14

Of course you are's your choice and you don't need to explain why.

We have just one child and it's really wonderful.

geekaMaxima Thu 13-Mar-14 18:26:16

You're completely justified in not wanting to go through all that. So sorry about your mc sad sad

It might be different if you were still broody and wanted another child for his/her own sake - as before. But just to give your dd a sibling? No, I think it's perfectly reasonable to say enough.

Enjoy your beautiful dd. A family of three is lovely smile

Ragwort Thu 13-Mar-14 18:34:07

Absolutely you are justified in stopping at one, why would you want to put your body through all that again? We have an only child, it's fabulous smile.

JessicaD21 Thu 13-Mar-14 20:05:30

Thank you for everyone posts so far they've really given me a boost and a positive outlook on having an only smile please keep comments coming smile xx

iheartshoes Thu 13-Mar-14 20:10:00

Of course you are justified it's your body and your family. Being an only child has so many lovely positives to it and your DD will benefit most from a happy mum. As a previous poster has said if the only reason you would be going through that again is to give DD a sibling then please don't worry your DD will be just fine - a happy and healthy mum is the most important gift you can give her. I had nothing like the traumatic labour you had and that was enough to put me off anymore ! Enjoy your DD

ZingSweetMango Thu 13-Mar-14 20:58:22

oh poor you, you had a horrendous time, I'm so sorry for the loss of your baby!sad thanks

first of all you don't need to justify your decisions to anybody, whatsoever!
I know lots of people who decided to stop after one - some just always wanted one, some had a difficult time conceiving or giving birth or had PND and so on.

all understandable.

after what you went through, it is a sensible decision to call it a day IMO.
if you would like another child perhaps adoption is a good idea - what do you think?

JessicaD21 Thu 13-Mar-14 21:37:32

Thank you everyone, a second child would be for us as well as our daughter as we have always wanted 2 BUT since the miscarriage our willingness to go through everything again has waned and we have a less rose tinted view of a future pregnancy ect and for that reason think maybe we've been through enough and our daughter deserves a healthy mummy smile As for adoption its just something i dont feel in my heart of hearts im cut out for, don't get me wrong i admire so much people that do it, its an amazing and much needed thing im just not sure its for me x

Rommell Thu 13-Mar-14 21:44:28

I am so sorry for your loss and also sorry that your pregnancy and birth experience was so difficult the first time around and I hope that in time you can find the right answers to the question for you and your family. I don't think there is a right or wrong answer as such, only what is right for you. If you need to take time to find it, then I hope that you get that time. Wishing you all the best. flowers

Rommell Thu 13-Mar-14 21:45:40

PS I only have one and that was definitely right for me in the long run but I did go through a period of wanting another and feeling sad that I wouldn't when my son was transitioning out of babyhood. Life is a funny old thing - what seems right sometimes doesn't at other times.

atypicalwotsit Tue 06-May-14 04:32:39

I love being an only child. People often have negative connotations about us and think we are lonely or sad. If your only is enough enjoy her. Ad long as she has happy parents and a social life she should be fine.

zest99 Thu 15-May-14 13:07:40

Hi everyone. Nice to read this thread. I have an only (he's 5) and although we have been trying for another (very late in the day), have left it rather too late, so i fear it won't happen. A part of me REALLY wanted to, but a part of me really didn't and feared it - i love being a family of three too. I have found it hard as it seems like everyone else has siblings, but then i met a few who don't. It's more common than you think. And I can see why ...

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