New and wobbly

[RunningMinxie]

Wobbly in the emotional context, not physically (thanks to Slimming World)!

I've just joined Mumsnet today. It's a big big step for me as the only other forums I've been a member of are fertility ones. I've spent the last 10 years either trying for a baby, losing a baby in the worst way, coming to terms with that, trying again, having my DD who has special needs and thinking about having another. I've just found out that I can't. It appears that I may be entering the menopause at the age of 38 and it is highly unlikely that I can have another. I started looking into IVF with DE but have realised I am only really thinking about it now for my DD and having a sibling.

I've got two siblings and can't imagine not having them so coming to terms with having an only has been tough. It's made easier by realising that she will not be unusual in her generation and that there are a lot of pluses to being an only. I guess I just need some time to come to terms with it.

As for the Italy/Holland analogy, I already live in Holland due to DD's tracheostomy, now I seem to have gained another home there too. And I know from when I bought my first property, it's a pretty amazing place.

[kreecherlivesupstairs]

I can't see an Italy/Holland analgoy.
I am now 47, DD was born when I was 37 following a shocking number of MCs.
She is very happy to be an only child. When she was younger she would nag on about having a sister. I tried to point out that there was a 50% chance any baby I had would be a boy.
When we lived in Thailand, DH and I got a long way down the adoption path. We realised we were doing it for the wrong reasons. There was no altruism involoved, the girl we wanted was just for company for DD.
Our DD is a lovely, if challenging little girl. We do feel very lucky to have her.
concentrate on the positives if you can.

[teafortwo]

Hi Running (we always shorten names around here)!

I have one child too and live in Paris. I thought having one child would be like living in Holland and actually bought a ticket for Holland because I like the sound of Holland - but there seems to be a big mediterranean feel to our way of going about things! - EEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeekkk!!!!

We have a cult "tea room" thread which is a bunch of like minded people living in all corners of the globe with usually one but sometimes more children. We hold each others hands through the ups and downs of life - and you sound like you'd fit in well... Do come and have a virtual cup of tea and slice of cake!

[teafortwo]

click here - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/one_child_families/1214324-The-One-and-Only-Tea-Room-Now-Hanging-in-Babylon

As the tearoom is escapism from the daily grind and we are all barmy of the imaginative nature the tearoom setting changes when each thread comes to an end. At the moment it is somehow Hanging in Babylon . Last time it was in Venice and the time before that in San Francisco... it was in a Canadian log cabin and... oh I can't remember there have been so many settings - just click and do say hello!

[ComeIntoTheGardenMaud]

Hello Running. Welcome to MN.

Don't apologise for wobbling. It seems to me that wobbling is the human condition and the only people who don't wobble are the ones who are too dogmatic/inflexible/unthinking to see that. It also seems to me that after everything you've been through, enjoying life with your little girl and focusing on her needs is the best way to go.

Do come and have a cup of tea (or bucket of wine) in the tea room.

[teafortwo]

Aaaah yes Maud I do find "The confidence of a closed mind" a bizarre and frightening thing! Wobbling is natural and wholesome and research proves that what looks like flying to the outside world, 9/10 times; is simply falling with panache!

It is Saturday night so I have ordered a box of champers to arrive in the tearoom any minute now...

[DontCallMeBaby]

You can't imagine being without your siblings - your DD won't be able to imagine having siblings. Not really. My mum is an only child and once asked me what it was like having a sibling - she wasn't a very happy only child, sadly, and I suspect has always wished she had a sibling, but she doesn't actually know what it's like. So for people who have wonderful sibling relationships and thinking only children are missing out on that - well, they are, but they don't really know it. And people with siblings but without the wonderful relationship are missing out on it too, but again don't really know it!

[ComeIntoTheGardenMaud]

How true, DCMB. MY dd though is quite adamant that she doesn't want a sibling now.