Issue at nursery or is it me struggling to get used to it?

[GYo]

Hi
My DD will be at nursery full time from December. She is going one day a week from now on to get settled. She had her first full day yesterday.

The nursery seems good but there are a few things bothering me which are each tiny but together are really worrying me about sending her there. It might well just be my issue so please can you help me out

Here are the small issues:

• when I arrive they just I have to physically walk over to a member of staff to hand her over. No one seems to greet me and ask how she is etc. Given it was her first full day I'd have expected something a bit more.
• I had a bag of milk and bits for her and didnt know what to do with it. I needed to talk through what was required when (as it was a mix of EBM and formula) but the girls were so "whatever" about it, it felt odd. The EBM needed chilling and kept away from the hot formula bottle but I got the impresssion it would be slung on the side.

Also our key worker wasnt there. So I had left my DD with two girls I'd never met before. I would have thought my key worker would have mentioned her late start to me last week so I knew what to expect

I was asked to fill in a form detailing her routine (in detail) but I am really not sure that it was refered to- as the sleep times were completely different and very short to what was specified.

Her report sheet said she'd been creamed after her nappy change which she cant have been as the pot of sudocrem came back unopened and not even removed from the bag. It also said one of her bottles was a completely different volume to what was given- that small issue makes me question the valididty of all the info on the sheet

I went to pick her up (and this happened at the end of a settling in session too) it was tea time, albeit an hour after I was told it occured. SHe was really upset, was red eyed, covered in food and had another childs dummy on her tray- she doesnt do dummys.

We are doing BLW and despite talking and annotating the menus indicating stuff she can eat she still was spoonfed soup. Not the end of the world but I thought they might try on the first day- when they had agreed to it.

ALl this is just making me so upset and feel sick- seems wrong but I might be getting worked up over normal stuff.

Please help me here

[rubyslippers]

These are not little issues

Your DD's care - nappying, feeding etc are all crucial to her well being

i think you would be right to raise it with management TBH

if you are picking up a "whatever" attitude then it doesn't bode well

sorry - must be really hard for you

[DorotheaPlentighoul]

I think it's a combo of small and larger issues and would say it is worth speaking to the management. Stuff like being covered in food at teatime is normal in a nursery setting; also, maybe they used cream on your DD from a pot at the nursery? (Our nursery supplies all nappy and cream type stuff but I know that isn't the case everywhere.)

But things like the volume of her bottle, the lack of a proper greeting and proper looking after your EBM, and just generally a poor attitude on her first full day, with no sign of a familiar face all that stuff is very discouraging and I would tell them so. Also re sleep, even if they say that they simply couldn't really settle her as normal due to her being in a strange place or something, you could point out that they should have talked this through with you and provided reassurance that the effort was made rather than simply putting unexpected info on report sheet with no context.

[GHOSTLYPRessenceofSES]

GYo - no experience myself (yet!) but I wouldn't be happy. I agree with rubyslippers and would ask to speak to your keyworker and/or the manager.
Good luck.

[Bucharest]

Not little things at all, IMO.

You should speak to them as soon as you can.

Good luck.

[star6]

this is quite appalling. I would be upset, too. I'm sorry you have to go through this. I would definitely raise these issues with them in a calm, polite way. However, if they are like you describe, I'm thinking you might need to talk to the management instead. I hope it gets better for you.

[LadyMuck]

Trust your instincts. You know your baby best, and you can judge the standard of care that she is getting.

[Sparklytwinkletoes]

GYo, I've had DS in a nursery since he was 9 months old as you know, and I've have been upset at the things you mention.

There's no point writing it all out again - as Rubyslippers' post says exactly what I would say. Ask to speak directly to the nursery manager about each of the issues, because if they can't be resolved, you need time to find somewhere else that can respect your requirements - and I don't think those requirements are unreasonable.

I wonder perhaps if the BLW is a 'H&S' issue? All the food at DS' nursery is prepared in the kitchen for all the kids, regardless of age, so they are able to cater for all texture requirements, but wonder if perhaps they would shy away from lumpier foods for the 'babies' due to fears of choking? There was an incident of a baby in a nursery choking on an apple a few years ago, I think and wonder if that perhaps has set some unofficial precedents. I could be talking out of my arse on this of course though! Maybe the person you discussed it with hasn't fed it through to the girls that are actually looking after DD, which in itself is worrying as communication is very important between staff in a nursery setting.

[GYo]

Thanks ladies

I was thinking of going in to talk to them so i will make an appt with room supervisor first.

My gut instinct says to pull her out and find a different one- but i may be overeacting

[emskaboo]

Have you thought about a childminder, my only has two children during the day plus her daughter and one other 5 year old after school and she did BLW, really got him to drink from a cup (something I struggled with), respected my requests around naps etc, and got him into a better nap routine than I ever managed! And she's much more flexible than any nursery I found.

My son loves her and is so happy there it brings a lump to my throat.

[emskaboo]

Sorry that should say my son's cm....

[GYo]

Thanks everyone and hi STT and Ses!

I have made an appt to speak to mgr this morning. She was appalled that there might be an issue and didnt want me speaking to the room girls first.

Intially I wasnt sure about childminders as I was worried that DD would bond to strongly with another single individual but now I am feeling more inclined towards it. If I have to withdraw DD from the nursery I will definately look into one.

[Piffpaffpoff]

That's a very long list of small issues . Had any one of them occured individually, I probably would have let it go for now, but the sheer volume of them means I would probably want to have a chat with someone to find out what's going on.

I made a conscious decision when DS went into nursery not to sweat the small stuff, but from day 1 the staff literally fell over themselves to make sure both he and I were happy with how things were going. Plus, my gut feeling from our first visit was that it was a nice place and although he sometimes came home covered in paint/food and hadn't slept for as long as I would have liked, I had no doubt that he got lots of love and cuddles and that for me was the main thing.

I would say if you are concerned now, speak to them and if you're not happy, you still have time to sort an alternative before you go back to work. Going back to work is hard enough without having to worry about your precious little one! Hope you get this sorted.

[star6]

agree with the cm idea. Even just to have a look at some/consider it. I've seen some really good ones and the kids/babies still have the social aspect when they go to playgroups and such. I just feel (personally) SO much better about a good cm rather than a nursery. You might have to search through a few cms to find a good one that suits you and your baby, but they are out there. I got lots of results from www.childcare.co.uk via the postcode search and most are up for you to come over for an informal chat at first just so you can see their house and go through routines...etc. It also seems less institutional, since it's in a home and comfortable for naps..etc.

[Pyrocanthus]

Don't ever worry about your baby bonding with someone else, by the way; she'll still know who her mum is, and if she has another person in her life to love, that can only be good. Ideally, in a good nursery she should be able to form a strong relationship with her key worker.

[kneedeepinthedirtylaundry]

I would say mention your concerns to the management, but consider very carefully whether or not you will send your DD there. I doubt much will change. Look around to see what else you can find while you have the time. You should be feeling comfortable. None of what you describe sounds good to me.

[star6]

oh, and my ds stays with one person while I'm at work 8-3 (dare I say it's my best friend??? For fear of being reported to ofsted!!!) and has bonded with her closely. He adores her. However, I am his mummy and he loves me more than anyone A close bond with one other individual won't take that away from you - not sure if that is what you were implying? If not, sorry I've misinterpreted.

I looked into a cm for "emergency care" or just in case I needed it in the future and I had difficulty deciding between 2 of them because they were both so good! I was much, much more satisfied with the level of care and attention he'd receive with a cm over in a nursery.... though I'm sure some nurseries are very good.

[Kathyis12feethighandbites]

Doesn't sound brilliant.
If I were you I would be looking around for another nursery/CM because some nurseries are, actually, much much better (and CMs presumably too but I have no experience there). This place doesn't sound hellish and in the real world we have to put up with what we can get, but you may be able to find somewhere better which will make you feel good about dropping your dd off in the morning.

[emskaboo]

I'd also add that my son absolutely has bonded with his cm, but that my experience so far (just over a year) is that this is a good thing, he has a relationship with his cm which is secure and makes him happy. He still loves me best of all of course!

It is so hard to work out what to do for the best isn't it?It does sound though as if you have concerns about the nursery and the attitude of the staff which are unlikely to ever be totally resolved as they sound like things that are related to the ethos of the nursery and the style of the staffing.

Whatever you do though you sound like you are going to be led by your baby's needs and you will make the right decision for you both. Lots of luck and I hope whatever you end up doing it works out well, I know how hard I found it all at first.

[GYo]

thank you all for being so nice to me
making me cry in a good way !

Have written down issues and will report back later on.

[GYo]

Update,
Just back from the meeting.

The mgt team were very concerned about the issues and took them very seriously.

Seems there are reasonable explanations for the issues and the biggest thing was lack of communication from the team on some of the things that I'd raised. If they'd given me more info about her day, I'd have been happier.

They acknowledged that there was a big issue in the lack of support for the drop off, so that will be addressed.

Im going in on Friday to do a BLW lunch and to talk about it in more detail.

Feels much more positive but I will also look at some alternatives in case we have to jump ship.

THanks for helping me out this morning- felt like I was going mad.

[emskaboo]

I'm really glad the meeting went well. Fingers crossed for you both

[DorotheaPlentighoul]

Well done for being pro-active and getting your concerns heard. Good luck

[star6]

Well done to you for voicing your concerns
Not to be negative, but just consider that if you were put off by the staff already, it might not be the right match... management can talk to them and sort some stuff out, but not everything iyswim. Just saying, keep your mind open

[Bucharest]

Ditto what the others have said, good that they seemed to listen to your concerns, but keep your eyes peeled now, and be prepared to run for the hills if things aren't significantly better immediately.

Hope all is going well now...

[GertieGumboyle]

I'd second Bucharest's post, though I'd also say that the management is bound to say they take it seriously, blah-di-blah, even if they're thinking that you're just being a fusspot. From what you've said, it sounds as if this nursery might not be the best choice for you. The combination of issues that you describe, GYo, would have been enough to put me off completely. The idea that my DD could have been "upset, red eyed, covered in food and had another childs dummy on her tray" makes me feel sick. The idea that nurseries can employ girls whose basic attitude is 'yeah, whatever' makes me really, really . The idea that someone could be so cavalier about my children is just unthinkable.

Now I think about it, I'd look elsewhere. I would imagine it's hard enough to go back to work, without worrying about your DD's care. You need to be 100 percent confident that she's going to be receiving the kind of care that you'd give her yourself. I'd think a nanny/CM was more likely to offer this. Some nurseries may do as well, but mass childcare is always likely to be less in tune with the needs/routines of individual children.