advice on nursery please - help! - sorry so long

[carolt]

Was looking forward to sending (sensitive 2 year old) ds to the same nursery his big sister went to 3 years ago, for 2 mornings a week. She loved it, but it appears to have really gone downhill, and I really could do with advice on whether I'm overreacting to our experiences of recent visits. Supposed to be settling him in at the moment, but almost can't bear to go back.

On our first visit, the head of the room was on annual leave, which may explain it a bit...but ... the kids were put in front of an interactive whiteboard and had a 'lesson' watching the TV! Yes, bob the builder, lazytown etc. No attempt whatsoever to make it interactive. My ds hated it. I complained, they told me was v atypical, wouldn't happen again. So agreed to try another visit. This one went really well, playing outside on lovely sunny day, ds loved it, couldn't drag him away, so decided to send him.

But he hated it again on first settling in visit, head of room off on annual leave. dsidn't blame the nursery, more just he was shy. So did next settling in visit. Turned up to see all 3 staff from the room sitting outside, doing their planning!!! - wondered where on earth the kids where. Was greeted by head of room saying 'we'd forgotten you were were coming' - not very helpful.

Found kids in room doing circle time for 1 hour with deputy head - 11 kids (incl mine) and 1 member of staff. Had to stay, as no way she would have been able to cope with 10 other kids and my ds in tears. So much for 'settling in.

Then saw my ds ignored when crying outside as staff still too busy planning! I came outside (had been watching) to comfort ds, and was told off by nursery head, saying I was 'disrupting' my son by appearing, and that her staff had all said he was fine when I wasn't there, and that he was now ready to start full-time (5 hours) this week, despite the fact that 2 mins earlier, the head of his room had said to me he was clearly v sensitive and needed at least 2 more settling-in sessions with me present! Clearly someone not telling the truth there!

Also, have seen children crying and ignored and ratios of 2 adults to 24 2 year olds outside on various visits.

Help - don't know what to do - changing nurseries would be upsetting for my son, but am now unconvinced he will ever settle in well, as quality of care seems too random; it can be good, but cannot be convinced the tv visit/planning visit were atypical.

What do others think?

(By the way I'm a teacher (of adults) and if I planned during lessons, I would get the sack pronto...)

[nappyaddict]

i would report them to ofsted. i think the ratio is 4:1 for 2 year olds and 8:1 for 3 year olds - definitely not 12:1

[stealthsquiggle]

It doesn't sound great. Is finding somewhere else and starting again with settling in a realistic option? From what you say it seems unlikely you are going to be happy, which DS is likely to pick up on...

I think the decision must be based on you thinking about whether, if it were not for your DD having been happy there, you would have seriously considered this nursery for DS - if not, start again and find what is right for him

[carolt]

Thanks - re the ratio, they do normally have 1 to 4, but I've seen this happen a couple of times - wasn't sure how usual it was?

My gut reaction is not good, but to some degree, I think he'd have trouble settling in anywhere as he's quite nervous of big groups of kids/other adults. He's OK when I'm around. ~Part of me thinks that he'll have to get used to it sooner or later, as he's due to start nursery class of school definitely next September. Another part of me thinks if he was having fun, he wouldn't care where I was, and he just isn't most of the time.

Is it too much to expect nursery to be fun (nearly) all the time? If not, why am I sending him? (Well, partly so I can work as well, but as it is, can't get on with anything at the moment, as so worried about him...)

[OneLieIn]

Have you spoke to the head of nursery about your concerns? I think you should do this first as it least it gives them a chance to put it right.

[nappyaddict]

i wouldn't speak to them first tbh. i would go straight to ofsted.