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2 other parents at the nursery have approached me with concerns...

(40 Posts)
onepieceoflollipop Thu 21-Aug-08 19:42:52


I have used the same local nursery since dd1 was 10 months old and always been very happy. (still am). dd2 has just started there (she is 12 months) and has settled in well. dd1 starts school in 2 weeks so will be leaving.

I have never had any major concerns with any aspect of the nursery. The staff are very affectionate and professional and I would struggle to criticise anything unless I was being picky.

A few months ago one of the mums that I know vaguely (coffee morning circuit) e-mailed me with concerns, mainly that there had been a few staff changes. I e-mailed back (very nicely) and said kindly that she may want to discuss concerns with the staff rather than me. She did so and e-mailed back to thank me and things had been resolved.

Since then a few more members of staff have moved on. afaik nothing sinister, all genuine reasons. The owner is the same woman and she has been more "hands on" during these changes.

Now another mum has e-mailed me plus a couple of the other mums (similar level of "friendship" to the first one) worrying about the changes. I haven't replied yet. Another of her concerns was that her son often comes home with food/paint on his clothes and she is angry about that.

Should I be more concerned about the changes?Should I reply to the 2nd person's e-mail? I have to confess that messy clothes don't worry me in the slightest, but she seems quite upset by it.

The most I could complain about would be the odd mis-spelt word or missing sock!


mrsruffallo Thu 21-Aug-08 19:46:20

If you are happy, don't get drawn in.
Paint on clothes?
Do me a favour

LittleMyDancingForJoy Thu 21-Aug-08 19:48:00

I agree. If you're happy with your nursery, then don't get involved. these things can easily get blown out of all proportion.

as for coming home with dirty clothes - pshaw. children are children, not ornaments. playing is a messy business. grin

bubblagirl Thu 21-Aug-08 19:48:51

i would keep well out some people have nothing betetr to do than gossip its quite normal for staffing to change in care work as people move on wards or go to further there field at college etc if you ar ehappy and have had no cause for concern then dont get sucked in

as for paint on clothes id worry if my ds didnt have it tell her to send in old clothes that doesnt matter if this happens

onepieceoflollipop Thu 21-Aug-08 19:49:11

Thanks mrsr

I was slightly tempted to reply and say fgs had she tried a change of washing powder!?

The trouble is, if she has got concerns re staffing etc, it won't help them to focus on that if she brings up various minor (imo) issues at the same time.

onepieceoflollipop Thu 21-Aug-08 19:50:45

Thanks for all the replies. I am not going to reply to her e-mail, I may have to reconsider if she contacts me again - in which case I'll be back on here first. grin

I always laugh if dds have mucky clothes, and say cheerfully that I can see they have had a fun day.

mrsruffallo Thu 21-Aug-08 20:02:25

Good luck, onepiece
Hope they pipe down soon

ScottishMummy Thu 21-Aug-08 20:09:20

dont send child to nursery in clothes you are upset to see dirty.i pay good money for lo and clothes to get dirty

anyhow gossipy clique's are best avoided

i do know a mum who sends her lo in designer clobber (really gorgeous pricey stuff) and then gets very upset when it gets messy

thisisyesterday Thu 21-Aug-08 20:12:42

bizarre! are they hoping to find lots of people to complain or something?
can't understand why they would e-mail you about it rather than just talking to the nursery?

hmm, anyway most nurseries say send kids in old clothes don't they?

SquiffyHock Thu 21-Aug-08 20:14:51

Def stay out of it. This happened at our nursery last year and one mum was definitely the 'ringleader'. She really stirred up trouble but only her and one other mum moved their children and I know that the other Mum regretted it. I think that there was some other agenda there and I'm glad that I didn't get drawn in and my son and I love the place!!

Would be really worried if my children came home looking immaculate and would assume they'd had a very boring day smile

onepieceoflollipop Thu 21-Aug-08 20:29:15

Apparently in the "brochure" the children are shown wearing overalls and bibs so clothes shouldn't get dirty!

tbh dd2 does wear a bib, but she still enjoys her food (a lot) and drops bits on her lap. She came home yesterday with potato flakes (dried) in her hair - after enjoying a messy play session. Makes a change from porridge oats.

The older children, 2.5-3 year and upwards don't wear bibs at mealtimes which I think is fair enough.

nannynick Thu 21-Aug-08 20:31:43

Background: I'm ex nursery staff, have worked for the regulator and now work as a nanny.

Staff at nurseries do change, that is one of the things parents need to consider when deciding to use nursery care. It's the same with nannying... nannies move on for various reasons.

Children adapt quite well usually to changes in staff. New staff could well be better than the old staff... so parents don't need to panic over staff changes. The leadership team with luck will remain mostly the same, and it is them, who I feel really make or break a nursery.

Coming home with food/paint on clothes - oh the joys of childhood. It amazes me that some parents want their little darlings to be spotless all the time. They need to get real - children love mess, a bit of paint/food on clothing shows that the child is having fun. Amazes me when parents send children to nursery wearing expensive clothing - madness, send them in things from supermarket/primark... not Harrods!

Don't get involved in other parents concerns - use your own judgement.

WilfSell Thu 21-Aug-08 20:33:15

No. It's the nurseries where the clothes don't get dirty you need to worry about.

I remember visiting one nursery once (we didn't use it) where the children in every room were sat on chairs round the perimeter of the room, with overalls on. One nursery nurse in each case was taking them one by one to paint in the middle of the room shock. There were no pictures on the walls (only half-hearted paintings on the windows) and no toys were visibly 'out' anywhere nor were there cupboards...

We ran out as fast as we could.

The parents worrying about dirty clothes need their heads banging together.

nannynick Thu 21-Aug-08 20:34:45

In the "brochure"... surely brochure shots are faked. Children MAY wear overalls... but in reality, some children won't, some will initially and then remove it, others will but still put their hand up the inside of it, etc.

VoluptuaGoodshag Thu 21-Aug-08 20:35:57

Don't get involved. The fact that one of them worries about paint/food on clothes kind of sums up the sort of people they are and they'd gossip and stir about anything.

onepieceoflollipop Thu 21-Aug-08 20:37:21

Thanks nannynick (and others).

The manager is about to leave (not the owner) for genuine reasons - she has found a job with more sociable hours and now she has her own children that suits her better. Also one or two of the more experienced staff have moved on.

I know that some parents get more anxious than others.

Personally each time dd1 has moved rooms I have been anxious but each time she has been fine and thrived with new friends (by friends I mean staff and children)

My frustration is partly that neither of the parents seem to have approached the nursery staff directly, which seems sneaky to me. I feel that they are going behind the nursery's back iyswim. This makes me feel bad as we have regarded the nursery almost as part of our extended family, mainly due to the excellent relationship we have with the staff there.

I will cry when dd1 leaves, as it will be like leaving family. (sorry if that sounds soppy)

jbadgirl Thu 21-Aug-08 20:37:38

Hi there, I work in a nursery and we went outside today to purposfuly splash around in the puddles, all the children got wet (and muddy) trousers but we had so much fun. All the parents were fine about it and just glad that they had been having fun. Like the others have said I tell all new parents not to bring their children in wearing their best clothes!!!

At least your children are happy and you understand that a bit of dirt or mess never hurt anyone.

Its hard not to get involved but they should be talking tom the nursery staff if there are problems... they cannot be resolved if they dont know about it!!

onepieceoflollipop Thu 21-Aug-08 20:40:05

nannynick I don't think that my little darlings will be selected for the brochure!! lol.

Also on a slightly boring, practical note is it washable paint imo.

I sent dd2 in today with a smudge of cereal on her top. dd1 laughed and said that at least the nursery would realise that I had already given them breakfast.

onepieceoflollipop Thu 21-Aug-08 20:40:39

it is washable I meant

MsHighwater Thu 21-Aug-08 20:41:16

Our nursery is at pains to remind parents that kids should go in "play clothes" precisely because good fun can be messy. Dd often comes home with the evidence that she has been scrabbling about in the garden or enjoying messy play all over her! I certainly would not have it any other way.

If you have no concerns, I would either stay out of it altogether or you could reply saying that nothing about the changes (or the messy clothes) concerns you. You might help to nip anything unpleasant that's brewing in the bud.

VoluptuaGoodshag Thu 21-Aug-08 20:41:32

I have learned in life that when people are moaning about something the majority NEVER do anything about it.

preggersplayspop Thu 21-Aug-08 20:41:47

I agree, don't get involved, they will whip themselves up into a frenzy over a load of insignificant issues and I wouldn't want to get involved in that.

My DS normally comes home in his change of clothes as he has sat in a puddle or smeared food all over himself. I love it. He's having lots of fun and that's how childhood should be.

onepieceoflollipop Thu 21-Aug-08 20:43:34

Forgot to say that the nursery staff do of course change clothes if really necessary (e.g. when dd2 pours her water over herself rather than drinking it)

They are too busy having fun from what I can see to worry about a few smears of chilli or drop of paint.

ScottishMummy Thu 21-Aug-08 20:44:19

i am always suspicious of cliquey pack mentality trying to get others in a froth about their agenda

they need to get out more if some messy clothes irk so much

chipmonkey Thu 21-Aug-08 21:01:43

I have had similar in school when one parent came up to me, apparently trying to rustle up a posse of disgruntled parents to complain about a teacher. They voiced concerns that might have worried me if my little darling was studying for his final college exams but not at age 6! I refused to get involved simply because this teacher had explained maths to ds2 so that he understood and boosted his confidence hugely.

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