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Nursery for clingly 1year old??

(23 Posts)
mamachat Mon 28-Jul-08 21:46:36

Nursery for clingly 1year old, do you think that is a good idea???

I really feel nursery could really help her as she loves other children.

But she does not go to sleep without me bf, or dp rocking to sleep, so i am unsure of how she would have a nap at nursery..

Also what questions do I need to ask when visiting a nursery?

Or do you think a child minder would be a better option? And what is cheaper nursery or child minder??

giddykipper Mon 28-Jul-08 21:53:33

I had a clingy 1 year old who had to go to nursery as I was going back to work. I had to bf him to sleep for his naps, he just goes to sleep for them in the nursery. It's incredible, I think he just sees all the other babies doing it and follows their lead. As a result I can now get him to sleep without milk.

Be warned though, she will cry when you leave her as she's settling in. It took about a month before DS stopped crying (although he always stopped about 30 seconds after I left the room).

He absolutely loves it now, does far more exciting things than he does at home, comes home tired and sleeps through smile

I picked a nursery over a childminder mainly so that I didn't need to worry if childminder was ill or on holiday as I have no family locally who can cover.

As for questions - check out the Ofsted report as that will answer most of your questions. It's much more important I think to get a feel for the place, do the kids look happy and engaged etc.

kingfix Mon 28-Jul-08 21:57:05

My clingy one year old also loved nursery (after a couple of weeks settling in). I don't know that it made her less clingy at home but it did expand the range of people she would cling to, which is a good thing. A year later and she is confident and will talkto anyone after a couple of mins. I think clinginess is an age/phase/individual thing rather than a home/nursery thing.

Washersaurus Mon 28-Jul-08 21:58:25

That is it, my clingy one year old is off to nursery grin. DH and I have been discussing whether it would make a difference to DS2's behaviour or not, for a while now.

mrsgboring Mon 28-Jul-08 22:01:08

Dissenting view here. I put my clingy 1 year old into nursery. If I'd used a childminder I'd be at work. I'm a SAHM. It was a disaster, vile vile vile vile. He cried for 6 hours straight (after nursery suggested I left him for longer to see if he would get used to it).

They are clingy for a reason at that age. They don't need educating out of it IMO and IME (DS fine now)

fishie Mon 28-Jul-08 22:03:17

agree with mrsgboring, cm all the way. there is no such thing as a clingy 1yo anyway.

sophiebbb Mon 28-Jul-08 22:04:11

Aren't they clingy for a reason...? I put my DS into nursery at 9 months because had to go back to work. Luckily I was pregnant quickly so was back on maternity leave within 6 months and could take him out. Best thing I ever did. But it is all personal....

elmoandella Mon 28-Jul-08 22:14:43

put ds in nursery at 1 y o for same reason.thought he'd be better.

he hated it. refused to sleep. refused to eat. screamed when he got there. twice a week for 2 months. i gave up and took him out decided to be sahm.

some kids are too wee.and its not right for them

Littlefish Mon 28-Jul-08 22:23:00

CM and home environement every time for me.

I know that some nurseries are excellent, but in my opinion, even those with a good keyworker system just can't compare with a good childminder. I want my child to form meaningful relationships with other people in a secure and loving home environment. I don't believe that that can happen in a nursery environment where there are shift changes, turnover in staff, staff movement across different parts of the nursery, higher numbers of children (even given the necessary ratios).

My childminder is more expensive than some of the nurseries in the area because she will only take on 2 (or very occasionally 3) children at a time.

mamachat Mon 28-Jul-08 22:42:40

there are some differnt views here, but i suppose all you can do is try it out and see how it goes...

How many staff are there in ratio to children in nursery??

GillianLovesMarmite Mon 28-Jul-08 22:44:12

Look at nurseries and find one you are happy with and explain the situation to them as they will help with this. My 6 month old goes to nursery for half a day week so that I can do some work on my phd... It's brilliant - the staff are really really lovely, they give him my breastmilk from a bottle and are patient about the whole feeding on demand thing as although they are more used to bottle fed babies with x ounces every x hours they have taken the time to look after my ds the way I would like him looked after.
I think this is one of the best things I have done as it really helps to keep me sane AND makes me appreciate my ds soooo much more as I get a bit of a break!

mamachat Mon 28-Jul-08 23:14:05

gillianlovesmarmite - what questions should i be asking when looking for nurseries? I know I need to feel that I have found the perfect nursery before putting dd in there...

bossybritches Tue 29-Jul-08 07:47:34

Mamc- go with your gut instinct.

If possible choose a smaller nursery where the staff know all the kids.

Turn up on spec for a visit- a good nursery with nothing to hide might apologise for the chaos but welcome you in (but avoid mealtimes to be fair to the kids!)and you can see what they're doing as part of the usual day.

Ask about what they do for an unsettled child, do they cuddle? What is their behaviour policy? Menu?

We give parents an information pack but spend as much time as they want answering questions & showing off our nursery. Not all come back but many do, I ALWAYS tell them it is personal choice & they have to feel right about it.

Go to several different nurseries as much to find out what you DON'T like as anything! smile

Good luck!

giddykipper Tue 29-Jul-08 09:12:36

The ratio is 3 babies to 1 adult at that age in a nursery. Something that was really important to me was that all the staff at our nursery are qualified and staff turnover is low. I thought that having consistency of faces was important - when I drop DS off in the morning it's always 1 of 2 women who takes him off me. I decided against one nursery that was large even though the location was better - they stick to the 1 to 3 ratio but that meant still that there were 9 staff members in his room. Where he is now there are only 3 and there are never more than 8 kids in his room.

GillianLovesMarmite Tue 29-Jul-08 10:34:21

We asked lots of questions - mainly relating to how they would feel about maintaining our approaches to childcare - particularly with regards to being given breastmilk on demand. We also asked lots of questions about their policies and practices - ie we were pleased it was multicultural as although we are Christians it is important to us that ds learns about different cultures and faiths, we liked their approach to discipline (although less of a concern with a six month old!) but they do lots of talking - eg if two children have argued explaining to one why the other might be feeling sad and vice versa which is in line with what we envisage. We also asked the staff who would be working with ds about their experience and qualifications - a good nursery will be pleased and enthusiastic to discuss all of this with you. We also talked about the additional training they do, first aid qualifications and ofsted reports.
Put it this way, when we visited the nursery that ds goes to we were there for over an hour looking at the facilities and talking to people. When we looked at another one which we would have considered we were there 10 mins as the staff were not as forthcoming with the information - so it made it a lot easier to decide which he would be going to!
I'm happy to chat about this more.

GillianLovesMarmite Tue 29-Jul-08 18:06:11

Also - just remembered - we did two visits before his first full session - at the suggestion (and usual practice of the nursery). First we left him for an hour, and then two hours, and he has been fine for the full 7.30am - 1pm session. So this may help you ease them into it.

mamachat Tue 29-Jul-08 18:10:18

Thanks for the advice everyone, i am still looking into nurserys but feel more perpared already..

I do feel i would need to spend some time there too so that i can get a feel for the place...

bossybritches Tue 29-Jul-08 20:15:41

Just as an aside ladies- these questions (&many others )are ones I see frequently on here & from parernts visitng our nursery.

Do you see a need for an information booklet /leaflet about what to look for & expect??

Just I've been thinking for AGES about doing one.....sorry to hijack!!grin

giddykipper Tue 29-Jul-08 20:23:41

Do you mean like a prospectus that you would hand out to potential clients bb? Or something more generic?

kingfix Wed 30-Jul-08 10:27:11

bossybritches,our nursey does a booklet with basic info which is a useful reference, but nothing ever beats visits and talking to the staff. EG IME many nurseries will say they are happy to feed on demand and cuddle to sleep etc but you can tell which ones are inwardly rolling their eyes and whispering 'pfb' behind their hands and which ones really share/accept your views.
By the way, mamachat, was not sure from your post whether you were considering sending your dd to nursery to help her get over clinginess or because you have to go back to work. For what its worth, IMO, as others have said too, children go through clingy phases and there is no need/point trying to 'cure' them of it, it's a natural phase and I reckon just go with it if you can. My nursery was great at the clingy phase- keyworker carried her around all the time,

mamachat Wed 30-Jul-08 10:33:44

i am going to work part time and so far dp has been trying to juggle his shifts around to look after her. But feel nursery would take some stain off both of us...

kingfix Wed 30-Jul-08 10:43:20

For us, nursery has worked well, meant I can work a few hours a week and has provided a loving environment for dd. Would have also liked a good cm if I could have found one locally. Hope you find an arrangement you feel happy with, good luck!

bossybritches Wed 30-Jul-08 18:24:28

Kingfix I quite agree & we already do that.

As Giddykipper says more generic for Mums anywhere, not just our local mums- what to look for what OFSTED require, what is essential & what is recomended etc. advice on how to interview nannies/au pairs too.

(Personally I think Mums would be generally shocked at how little a nursery needs to be classed as satisfactory by OFSTED & get their registration & how hard it is to get a "good practice" nursery who go that extra mile )

Sorry to hijack mamachat - I should start another thread!!

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