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Is Full Time Nursery too much for a 2 year old?? Feeling So Guilty.....

(36 Posts)
lolavit Tue 24-Jun-08 16:03:18

Hi all,
I am a lone parent and have been offered a full time place on a Nursing course to start in September. However, to go I will need to put my 2.3 year old DD in full time nursery 8-6. Mon-Fri. At present I am a stay at home mum and I am in convulsions of guilt and worry about putting her into nursery for such a large chunk of the day... I mean: TEN HOURS!! I know that my DD is more than ready for SOME nursery and all that entails; I think it will do her the world of good - I just can't help thinking she is too young for such long hours.... Also, I will be doing placements a lot and will have to do shifts; my mum can have her then, but this will mean I may see her even less. What to do?? My other option is deferring for a year until she is 3 - but my Mum reckons it won't make any difference.

Milliways Tue 24-Jun-08 18:02:33

My DD went part time from 6 months (3 full days) then full time from 18 months.

She loved it, it was part of her life.

You have to be extremely confident in your nursery though.

She was ultra confident when starting school, won numerous academic awards and is now doing A levels, Driving lessons and Duke of Edinburgh gold award.

We also have a good Mother/daughter relationship.

It's not ideal, but needs must and as long as you stay positive and enjoy the time you DO have together, she will be fine.

If she has not been to nursery before though it may take some adjustment.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

stitch Tue 24-Jun-08 18:05:08

ds loved, absolutely loved his nursery.
sometimes i would finish work at five, and he would refuse to leave. bearing in mind that i had left the house at seven, so was th efirwst time in the day i was seeing him, as dh would drop him off at 9ish on his way to work. i would sometimes have to leave him be, and come back at seven when th enursery closed. even then he didn twant to leave, and the staff would have to turn th elights out to convince hm it was time to go thome.

kolakube Tue 24-Jun-08 18:09:10

Perhaps build up gently over the next few months so you both get used to it. You will both benefit in the long run I'm sure.

AllBuggiedOut Tue 24-Jun-08 18:24:28

Are there any disadvantages to waiting a year? I am a SAHM. DS1 started school this January and in retrospect the time I had with him at home seems very short. Whereas school is forever (well, almost!).

lolavit Tue 24-Jun-08 18:32:15

I suppose the disadvantage of waiting a year are that I will feel I have my life on hold: I split with DP in January and have been struggling by on benefits since. I have had a pretty crap last few years,(depression, illness , breakup etc..) and this nursing course will be a fresh new start. It also will ultimately mean I can provide a better life for my daughter when I qualify....(I am having to move in with my mum again as I can't afford to live anywhere else... I am 37!!!!!)

GivePeasAChance Tue 24-Jun-08 18:40:49

Only you actually know the answer to this. Most meta-analysis / longitudinal research on childcare shows the environment at home and the mother's attitude to work are the main influencing factors when in a day nursery. (assuming good childcare facility of course) i.e. if you are not happy about doing your course and leaving her etc then more likely she will be unhappy in nursery etc.

cmotdibbler Thu 26-Jun-08 11:36:27

My DS (2) adores nursery, and thrives there. Loads of company, things to do etc, and certainly at his the staff are wonderful and super caring. I have to prise him out of there at the end of the day.

I wouldn't think that postponing a year will make any difference to her, and will mean that you are nearly finished on your course by the time she's at school - which is when childcare starts to get more tricky. And it would be a year more living with your mum etc.

onepieceoflollipop Thu 26-Jun-08 11:41:34

Speaking from the perspective of a nurse, you may well find that you have free periods/study periods during your "working day" - very unlikely that while in Uni the entire day will be blocked in with lectures. (placement will be slightly different of course)

So although you will need to book and pay for 5 full days, it is extrememely likely that she can still be with you for a few hours a week. If nursery/Uni is a distance from your home, you may need to be creative with seeing her during the day if this is an option - e.g local park, child friendly cafe etc.

On the downside if you spend your study periods with your daughter you will of course need to make up the time in the evening but that is just part of the juggling act called being a mother! (I work a lot of evenings - rubbish for my social life but my dh is around to put the girls to bed)

Best wishes with your course.

SheherazadetheGoat Thu 26-Jun-08 11:44:44

do the course you will build a better life for you adn your dd.

it will be tough but worth it.

onepieceoflollipop Thu 26-Jun-08 11:45:03

re the shifts, I sometimes keep my dd2 at home during the morning if I am on a 2pm shift. (I did the same with dd1 when she was younger too). Or if I have a day off in the week I might put her in nursery until lunchtime, and whizz round doing all the shopping housework etc that I won't be home for at the week end. She then comes home, has a lovely cuddle with me and sleep in her own cot, then an afternoon chilling with me.

I realise this meant I was still paying and not using part of the nursery sessions, but that was only a minor niggle.

onepieceoflollipop Thu 26-Jun-08 11:47:53

Looking through some of your other posts it sounds as if you have really thought this through. I believe that once you have made a firm decision and know it is right for you (and your dd) then you will find a way to make it work.

I have been a nurse for over 10 years and despite the shifts I love it.

EachPeachPearMum Thu 26-Jun-08 11:50:05

My dd (2.4) is in nursery full-time- has been since around 16 mo- we built up from 1 day a week, to 2, to 3, to 5.

She absolutely loves it- and jabbers away about her friends and what she has been doing with them.

As long as you can find the right place for you both, and wean her into it, then she will thrive.

Just make sure you spend plenty of time with her when she's not there IYSWIM.

If she has a strong relationship with your mum, that will really help too- as she'll have lots to share with granny as well.

TheOldestCat Thu 26-Jun-08 11:52:22

Second onepieceoflollipop. Although I'm not a nurse, I juggle my full-time work so a couple of days a week I take DD out of nursery early, spend some time with her, then work for a few hours once she's in bed.

It's tiring but worth it.

And I'm with a lot of other people here - DD's been in nursery since she was six months (she's now 19 months) and she LOVES it. She's so happy there and also a loving and sociable little thing when with me. If you decide on childcare, as long as you are happy with it, then it will work out.

Good luck.

stealthsquiggle Thu 26-Jun-08 11:57:39

2 is not an easy age to start, IMO, but once settled the hours will be fine. My DS was in full time nursery from 4mths and always loved it.

I would recommend ramping up a bit slowly, if you can afford to (i.e. start her before term starts) and also learn not to feel guilty about paying for childcare and not using it - if you have an unexpected afternoon/morning off then you can go and pick her up early/drop her off late...

She'll be fine, and I seriously don't think deferring it a year would make it any easier.

witchandchips Thu 26-Jun-08 12:03:30

I think it is a no brainer that you should do this course as you and your dd will both benefit from it in the long run. I would try and make the drop offs closer to 9 or 9.30 though and the pick ups a bit earlier on the days that you did not have 9 o'clock classes. This will give your dd a chance to play a bit before and after "school".

aidansyummymummy Thu 26-Jun-08 19:08:10

My little boy has just started nursery and he is 9mths. He loves it. He is off sick at mo with hand foot and mouth and I'm sure hes missing all his friends and different toys.

Your daughter will be fine. it will take a while for her to settle in as she is that bit older but in the long term it will be best for both of you. Delaying it until she is 3 will not help matters and would prob make it worse.

Yes you will feel guilty...its natural (well thats what my mummy friends say..still make me fel crap though!!)

good luck and enjoy your new future!!

sally84 Fri 25-Jul-08 10:46:17

Message deleted

catweazle Fri 25-Jul-08 18:01:32

My DD started nursery at 10 months for 3 full days. At 15 months she went full time- 8 till about 4.30. She is fine.

There is a baby just started who is 5 months

TJ1976 Mon 28-Jul-08 13:50:39

Lolavit, have you thought of using a child minder?

rebelmum1 Mon 28-Jul-08 13:59:01

In this situation I would use a childminder, if you can find a good one, they are more flexible too, a busy atmosphere can be quite stressful at an early age. My dd started nursery at 2 for 3 full days and it was too much for her, she became very ill. Have you considered how things will work when she is ill? If it was me I would wait a year until she is more robust.

tiggerlovestobounce Mon 28-Jul-08 14:01:49

This is what will be best for you both in the long-term. In the short term you will care far more about your DD going to nursery full time than she will. If you are working shifts then you will have time of during the day when you can be with her.

Roboshua Sat 02-Aug-08 06:34:00

Do the course. You will regret it if you don't. IMO leaving it another year will just make it harder for her. Both my two went to nursery pretty much full time from the age of six months. It became part of their lives and there were no issues. It may take a bit of time for her to settle at first as I ahve noticed that this happended with children who hadn't started nursery when they were babies but she will do and will have a great time.

elkiedee Fri 08-Aug-08 12:53:49

I would start in September but look at childminder as well as at nursery - ds started with his CM at 10 months and I only left him for a few hours 3 times before he went straight to full time. He cried a bit the first two days, token wails on the third day, now he rushes off to play.

Witchandchips' suggestion sounds like a good one as well, if you can find a nursery or CM with some flexibility over drop off and pick up times (within reason). We do that with CM although ds does need to be there by 8.45 in term time, and earlier is easier for her, as they take two older mindees to school.

elkiedee Fri 08-Aug-08 12:55:38

And don't feel guilty, you and your daughter will benefit from you doing the course in the long run, and she will probably enjoy the contact with other children and maybe different activities or food.

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