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3year old behaviour at nursery

(12 Posts)
lab2017 Fri 23-Oct-20 13:13:04

Hello, I have not been on here before and I feel I need some advice and someone to talk to. I was wondering if anyone has been through the same thing? My 3 year old is getting on ok at nursery but I feel something more is going on. Couple of weeks ago the nursery complained my son was spitting. So I thought he must be blowing raspberries we didn't have this going on at home so I didnt make a big deal out of it or think to much of it I know everything is worrying with the covid 19 situation. But there is nothing I can do while he's at nursery. Well it happened again and i was quite confused about this. Something didn't feel right. The moment we got into the car he full on spat at my 10 year old daughter! We could not believe our eyes. So straight away I called them and said look we have never had this issue with my son before, are you sure there are not other children doing this to my son? They said no, not that we have seen. Well we hadn't heard nothing for a couple days and then they started to say he wouldnt listen and pushing children which were against their golden rules (which I understand) and he was hit other children if they took a toy away from him. Today they have now said he didn't have his listening ears on and he would get easily distracted. I'm really not sure what to do but I dread to go and pick him up because I'm worried what they will say next. Not sure what to do advice would be greatly appreciated.

OP’s posts: |
Ohalrightthen Fri 23-Oct-20 13:14:21

What did you do when he spat at his sister?

lab2017 Fri 23-Oct-20 13:18:09

As we were in the car I said to him you must not do that! it isn't very nice. He apologised straight away and he didn't do it aagain.but everytime he comes back from nursery he is doing it.

OP’s posts: |
Cheeseycheeseycheesecheese Fri 23-Oct-20 13:18:10

What do you say to him when you pick him up and they report his negative behaviours?
I know you say you didn't think much when they said spitting first time because you thought it was raspberries (personally I'd think the same)
And when he spat at his sister, how did you tackle that?

Ohalrightthen Fri 23-Oct-20 13:20:16

lab2017

As we were in the car I said to him you must not do that! it isn't very nice. He apologised straight away and he didn't do it aagain.but everytime he comes back from nursery he is doing it.

Are you actually imposing any consequences or just telling him not to do it?

Starlightstarbright1 Fri 23-Oct-20 13:31:02

Children go through phases..This is not a good one..

Look at what has changd..

I am a chikdminder the other week did a course on play, a lot of things about the pandemic and the lack of control in all of us but especially children...ots of normal activities are happening , more rules, we don't do lots of things like shopping unless necessar,y less family contacty Does he have lots of free play at home ?

What are you doing at home. Use words like kind hands, lots of praise for sharing.

Remind him of rules before you go in.. have you got your listening ears switched on ? Lots of praise for good reports, also discussion - whatelse could you when child grabbed toy - help him come up with options

icelollies Fri 23-Oct-20 13:31:44

He’s absolutely copying other kids. And in nursery, that’s for the nursery to deal with. You can only really deal with the behaviours you see at this age. We are in a similar situation - my DS copies other children at nursery and they tell me he is doing things I never see him doing at home, so it is difficult to talk to him about it!

I discipline and talk to him about appropriate behaviours at nursery, and we have books etc on kind behaviours, but it is very abstract when he cant remember his behaviour or why he did it!

lab2017 Fri 23-Oct-20 13:33:23

Yes I have put him on time out. It does seem to work at home. But as soon as he's been to nursery it is happening again.

OP’s posts: |
lab2017 Fri 23-Oct-20 13:57:48

Hi, This is what I was worried about sad he has only been use to being around us. When he first started nursery he absolutely hated leaving me and would scream. It took a while for him to settle in. When he did he was happy to run straight in. He had a great few weeks and then all of sudden his behaviour there had changed. I do feel he is finding his feet and needs more outdoor play. He loves to learn. He' very good with his numbers and Alphabets, loves to colour in so we do alot of this with him at home. Don't get me wrong he can have moments at home but he is usually a very good listener so when we tell him to stop he will and if we have to put him on timeout he stops. He then usually just goes off and plays. I do praise him all the time for when he's sharing and talk to him firmly if he does something wrong. I'm not sure if this is just a stage but I'm not sure what i can do while he's in nursery. His behaviour seems so different to what it is at home.

OP’s posts: |
Fandabydosey Wed 28-Oct-20 12:15:13

There are a few things that you can do to work in partnership with the nursery. Rewards for when he comes home but make sure nursery are praising him through out the day too. So he has to have say at least 2 stickers while at nursery. These can be for absolutely anything and they need to be achievable. With the listening there is a huge difference between at home environment and nursery environment. If you really want to get to the bottom of it ask nursery to keep a little log of when it is happening. This could shed some light on the situation. It is essential that you work as a partnership with the nursery. The fact that he is very clever means he may know exactly how to play both ends against the middle. You said that he really struggled to settle, this could still be part of this behaviour. To find out what is causing the behaviour you need to unpick the circumstances. I hope that made sense

jannier Wed 28-Oct-20 16:45:54

The nursery should be expecting lots of behaviours around sharing, socialising etc as these children have missed almost a third of their lives and effectively 50% of the socialising experiences normally found in this age group...would it be normal for a 2 year old to struggle to share, take turns, relate to the needs and feelings of peers....yes....so this is the stage they should bd supporting in partnership with parents.
Ask them how they are dealing with the behaviours and what they are putting in place to support these next steps....as well as asking how you can encourage it.....your less likely to see the behaviour at home unless you have several children at the same developmental stage....older siblings tend not to be doing the same games, often give in to younger ones etc....but you can play turn taking sharing games as well as modelling and asking for gentle hands no hitting spitting etc.

Abracadabra12345 Fri 30-Oct-20 00:12:12

How much physical, outdoor play is he getting? What are his hours? Full time? Part time? Nursery can be noisy, busy, intense and demanding so he might start off well but then become bored / tired / needing to let off energy. If he can’t, he can act up in inappropriate ways.

I feel for you. This is your precious child and it’s hard to hear negative things when you largely don’t see that at home. Also simply complaining about him isn’t helpful. What’s the action plan? How can you support this line partnership at home?

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