Nursery settling - odd behaviour- worried

[Emma1609]

My 16 month old ds had his first settling session day before yesterday. When we got in the room (very small nursery with only 3 kids in toddler room and one worker) he lay on the floor and cried the whole time, he wouldn't let me pick him up, he just lay on the floor. I chatted to the key worker and we stayed about 20 mins then we left.

Today, we arrived and he lay on the floor and started crying but not too loudly. Only one other child plus key worker there, nice and peaceful and homely. I did a quick exit. When I returned after 30 mins he was in a curled up ball clutching his comfort blanket, face down. Basically the whole 30 mins he had lay on the floor without moving or responding while the key worker chatted to him. Then he slid onto his front and curled up in a ball face down and again would not respond to the key worker. He is a real cryer and has been a cryer all through babyhood (he had colic AND reflux!) and is hard to console. So i was amazed he wasnt crying but found it almost disturbing to see him 'shut down' like that - he's never done that before. Has anyone else got experience of this? I don't know if I would prefer crying?! Or is it a good thing he wasn't crying?

[Bryonie2017]

Going from crying to not crying is a good step. My DD started nursery at 13 months and for the first settles was a bit miserable but she slowly got there! Getting calm Drop offs took 2 weeks - She cried herself sick every morning for a bit which was horrendous but the staff kept me informed and she was fine after she got changed and she did start to enjoy herself. Now (two months in) she practically leaps out of my arms to get to her key worker!

You're at prime age for separation anxiety but it will pass!

[Emma1609]

Thanks Byronie2017. I will try again on Monday. I agree the not crying is a good thing but it was like a full shutdown which does not sound good. I'm not actually working yet, so he doesn't need to be at nursery, just wanted to get him in because I'm dying to go back to work . Like I said he's been a very difficult baby who has cried most of the time so he is a bit of a special case.

[Alcier]

To me this did not sounded like he was fine, sometimes babies when overly distressed can dissociate or as you described "shutdown". It's the way their little brains cope with too much distress. Outwardly the might look okay, but they're literally in "freeze" mode as their fight/flight system had been activated. I hope you managed to find a nursery with workers who are more attuned to what little ones needed. He needed a good cuddle and someone who recognised just because he is quiet does not mean he's okay. Trust your own instincts, it's alerted you to this already. Let us know how he's doing?

[jannier]

Has your LO been used to going to toddler groups with you? Many children attend sessions like soft play and go to farm type places but toddler groups are the closest thing that parents can use to get them accustomed to an environment where toys are shared and routines happen like snack, story time, singing etc.