do i have to send my 3yo to nursery?

[daisybo]

ok, is there anyone who didn't send their little one to any kind of childcare and then when they started school were they ok? my ds is 3 and due to start at pre-school in september but i don't really want him to go and he doesn't want to go either! should i send him so he gets used to spending time away from mummy in preparation for school next year or would he be ok if he stays at home til he starts school? i don't want him to miss out on mixing with other children and making friends but i don't want to force him to go when neither him nor i really want him to go iyswim!
should prob add he has never been in any kind of childcare, not been left with anyone except mummy, daddy and occasionally grandad!
what do you think i should do? what would be best for him? he is only just 3 btw, so a young one for his year.

[toomuchtodo]

daisy, he's probably ready for it and it'll help him when he starts school in a few years

is it a council nursery place for a morning or afternoon only?

he'll say I don't want to go them probably enjoy it!

[Twiglett]

when would school start for him Jan or Sept?

Personally I would send him at least 6 months before he's due to start school so its not such a big leap

[Twiglett]

you don't legally have to send him till the term after he's 5 (or provide suitable home education)

personally I can't wait for my 3 year old to go to nursery for 2.5 hours a day .. she's just 3 too and I was hoping for a place NOW NOW NOW but have to wait till sept

[CorrieDale]

I know exactly how you feel Daisybo, but I'll still be sending DS to nursery when he's three. I reckon 2 1/2 hours a day will introduce him to school-life and the children he'll be at school with. I do wish 4 was still the starting age, but since it isn't any more, then I feel as though I have to just suck it up and send him off.

[Clayhead]

I felt similar with my dd when she was the same age but she went for 2 2.5 hour sessions per week and loved it. She ended up doing 4 session per week in the terms before she started school and it was of great benefit to her; she is in the last term of reception now and still with all her friends from pre-school.

She really benefited from knowing that she could be with another adult for a couple of hours and be safe, have fun etc. and from the social side, which meant that the other children were familiar to her when she started school.

[Clayhead]

Twiglett, I was like that with ds, had no qualms about him going!!

[BabiesEverywhere]

Both my sister and I stayed at home with my mum until we went to school...

I went to school as a 5 year old and cried every day for weeks when I was left at school in the mornings

Whereas my sister at just 4 years old, skipped happily into school each morning without a backwards glance.

Every child will respond differently to going to school, if you don't think your son will benefit from pre-school, keep him home with you. As I doubt attending pre-school would affect his attitude to full time school.

[katierocket]

I would make sure he's had some kind preschool experience before reception otherwise he might well find it quite daunting.

[noonar]

i'd do a couple of half days at least, just to get him used to it. maybe start in january?


school may be a big shock, otherwise

[Desiderata]

I agree with all the posts .. there's nothing controversial here

That said, I didn't got to any kind of nursery until I started school. It didn't make any difference to my sociability. Kids are kids ... they make friends easily. If you strongly feel that you want this time to be with your lo, then go with your instinct. For what it's worth, I'm in a similar boat and I feel much the same as you.

Perhaps just take one session of 2.5 hrs, so he gets some playtime. If he really loves it, you could up it a bit.

[SecondhandRose]

Nursery is a good way of making friends before starting school. It teaches them what is expected of them in a school type environment too. Like going to the loo on their own and sitting at a table with other children and just generally the social aspect of it.

[LIZS]

In short no you don't but in practice both he, and you, might benefit from it. Just becuase he isn't physically there for 2 1/2 hours doesn't mean he will lose out on time with you, for example, do the shopping so he does n't have to tag along and you can then spend the afternoon doing something fun together. He will learn to share, take turns , play and interact with his peers and other adults. He's only just off the average age for the year group and if anything it is more important that the younger ones have the social and practical skills for starting school proper. If he does n't go to preschool he may find it harder to learn these sort of life skills alongside the academic and behavioural expectations of Reception, although I doubt he'd be alone.

[francagoestohollywood]

it's pre-school, it's lovely, they make stuff, they play, the run around, they interact, they laugh and sometimes they cry. I think it's a great experience, I wouldn't write it off.

[daisybo]

i know you're all right, i just don't feel right forcing him to go some how. he tells me every day, 'i don't want to go to nursey, i want to stay at home with you mummy'
i know he will cry if i left him there and it would just break my heart, i guess i'm just wondering if there really is a strong arguement for doing something you don't feel is right, even if you know in your head it makes sense.
sorry what a ramble

[francagoestohollywood]

Well, even the most outgoing children cry the first time they are left at pre-school. What did you tell him about it? did you go visit it together?

[daisybo]

we went to go and see it together and he liked it, and it seemed really nice to me, kids looked happy etc, and he was really keen on going, but since i explained to him that he had to go without mummy and that mummy and baby sister would stay at home, he has decided he doesn't want to go!

[Roobie]

If I didn't feel happy then I simply wouldn't send him. Of course they learn about interaction etc at pre-school but that's because they're there. He'll also learn these things pretty sharpish at school when he's slightly older. But the chances are when the time comes around for it he'll be OK - you can always pull him out otherwise.

[katierocket]

Yes but that's probably just because he doesn't have any conception of what that will be like.

[ThePrisoner]

It wasn't one of my own children, but I had a minded child who went straight from being full-time with me (in a home environment, albeit that I wasn't her mum) to school. She coped absolutely fine.

[rabbitrabbit]

daisybo, also remember that you don't have to just leave him there. You can also stay with him as long as it takes to get him settled. I stayed until my son settled into his nursery as I didn't feel it was right for him to expect him to be happy to stay there with people he didn't know very well; our situation was very similar to yours-childcare only by me, dh and grandparent (though he was always happy to go off with friends to the park etc.)
In the end you're the person who know your ds so do what feels right. Good luck

[daisybo]

i know i could stay with him for the first few times and the nursery are happy for me to do this, only prob is i have a dd who will be 8 months old in sept so not sure how practical it would be having her crawling all over the place in the long term. iykwim!!
i guess i should just try it and see how it goes, i just know i'll never be able to walk out and leave him there if he's crying and doesn't want to be there, i'm too soft!

[merlotmama]

Daisybo, remember sometimes wee people cry to impress on thier mummies just how much they're suffering!

Then as soon as you're out of the door, they stop because you're not there to hear anymore.

I think if you let him know that everyone goes to pre-school and so will he, no options, no negotiations, he'll be happier.

You need to sound very confident that this is going to be a great success, great fun, etc. Even tho' you're no more confident than he is, put on a good act. It's like saying : "I have confidence in you, that you can cope in this situation."

(Have posted on your other thread, saying much the same.)

[merlotmama]

This is what I said on your other thread:

"Whether he wants to or not has nothing to do with anything!!!

If you don't want him to go, that's one thing. How, aged 3, is he supposed to know whether he'll enjoy nursery or not? He can have no conception of what it'll be like. Until he's much older you must tell him what is to happen. I think it's really unfair and giving a child too much power to ask them their opinion.

Sorry to put this so strongly. I don't mean to offend, but I feel it's up to parents to make these kind of decisions and then stick to them, don't even let your lo be aware there is any choice...

It does rather sound as if he could do with branching out a bit socially, though. School is going to be a big shock if he goes straight to it. When does he have to go? Is it a year from September? I would recommend he goes to pre-school for the year before school, if that's possible."

[Twiglett]

You need to get someone to look after the 8 month old for the first couple of times so you can devote all your attention to him

I think from what you've said, he is exhibiting a natural reluctance to try this .. and as you deep down don't want to lose your baby then you are encouraging it

I think both children may well benefit from this minor seperation and if I'm honest so will you and you'll make great friends with children your DS' age

also be aware that children cry sometimes .. sometimes they skip in happily for the first 2 weeks then start to cry .but its mainly as someone else said only in front of you and the nursery is trained to call you if they really aren't settling

If you should decide to give it a go then I do think you'll have to look at the vibes you're giving off because he's your DS and takes his cue from you

If you decide not to give it a go that's also fine .. a little bit strange imho .. but fine

Skills learned in nursery setting that will set him up well for reception: social skills, gross and fine motor skills, ability to sit quietly and listen in groups (this one takes a while), ability to follow instructions (again takes a while), phonics (in some schools), much learned from peers