Child left crying at nursery

[Rubee13]

Hi there,

My young child has recently started at nursery. On the first visit, I stayed for the whole session and was very impressed by the level of care and dedication displayed by the staff. However, on our second visit, I left the room for a short amount of time to see how my child managed. He was happily playing when I left, and didn't appear to notice my absence. I returned 15 minutes later to hear my child crying extremely loudly, on his own, lying face down on the floor and pretty distressed.

My question is am I overacting to be cross that none of the staff seemed to be concerned about comforting him, or even sitting near him? On my return, I was informed that he had only been crying for a few minutes, and that attempts at comforting him had not been positively received. His key worker seemed very relaxed about the whole matter, and was sat on a chair at a bit of a distance, watching it all unfold. I appreciate the staff are busy, they have dealt with these situations a million times before, and they have a lot of children to look after, however, it made me wonder whether this is a normal practice. It is early days, and I don't want to be unduly about the place and the staff.

Any feedback will be gratefully received.

[Acorncat]

I am a bit over protective but I would be really angry with that! At an absolute push I would accept the staff verbally trying to comfort if they couldn't physically stop what they were doing but I can't imagine many situations where a new, very upset child isn't a priority . I'd expect them to have picked him up and be trying to distract with toys, singing etc.

[insancerre]

Its normal for new children to cry
Its a huge non issue really

[GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat]

Please don’t sneak out, make sure you tell him where you’re going. That can be very damaging to a child’s attachment.

[MissClarke86]

How old is he? If he’s a baby who will accept comfort from any adult YANBU, but if he’s older then could it be that physical comfort from unknown people was distressing him further? Perhaps they had tried to cuddle/soothe verbally but it was exaccerbating the situation so they decided to give him a few minutes to try and calm himself.

It’s hard to say without knowing more. I’d be upset if he was just being ignored and not upset if it was a thought out strategy.

[HSMMaCM]

I agree - always say a cheery goodbye.

And talk to the staff. As already said, some children get more upset when you try and calm them and are better left for a couple of minutes and then try and comfort again.

[FineAsWeAre]

I agree with what others have said. I’ve had many children at work before who don’t want comfort from an unfamiliar adult and sometimes giving them space is more helpful. I look after a child who has bonded well with us but still struggles with the initial separation at drop off. He cries and hides under a table but adults trying to cuddle or even talk to him makes it worse. Could you discuss some strategies with them?

[ealj6815]

It is very normal for children to cry especially on their settling in. I work at a nursery where children who have been coming 8 months still cry when getting dropped off but are fine once there. You have to be strong and let your child be independent BUT being left to cry on their own is shocking, especially on their settling in!! The workers should be showing care and attention to tour child and showing him that's it's not such a bad place.

Really feel for you hun. I'd speak to the manager and keep a very close eye on every move they make. Be that picky parent haha.
If things are sorted move him!

[ealj6815]

I've noticed people say that he may be trying to self soothe and that is correct if he is older but he shouldn't be completely on his own there should be an adult knelt down near him, just in case he needs that bit of affection

[vayab1]

I work at a nursery and new parents often leave their child during a visitation by sneaking out. Staff shouldn’t leave a child to cry alone if they’re totally distressed but if everything else has been tried sometimes the last resort is letting other children try to engage the child in play - even babies usually see something after a while. You need to know exactly what was done whilst you were out of the room before you can know if the staff were out of order or not.