Pre School help

[Dsmummy]

Hi, I’ve not posted much before but I’m taking a shot at hopefully getting some advice.
My son just turned 3. He started at Pre School in may, 3 half days a week. Before summer he adored it. Since September it would be fair to say he’s had a meltdown at least twice a week about going. He won’t really say what he’s not happy about but he becomes hysterical at the suggestion of going. Pushed me to tears today because I know he definitely loved it before. It’s been several weeks now and not getting better.
The catch is I also work there so I know about the sessions and staff etc and I feel very awkward about it all. I don’t work there at the same time he goes. I’ve been debating handing in notice for myself for other reasons.
I called the manager today to explain I couldn’t get him out the door and she said let her know how he is and keep trying.
After half hour I text her (text is usual way she communicates) and explained he was hysterical and I didn’t know why and she said ‘ok’
That felt a little dismissive.
He has no need to go, it’s supposed to be fun for him. I’m torn about what to do, take him out or not. I don’t want him miserable and I’m under a cloud of stress over the job itself. Any experience or advice would be so welcomed.

[Dsmummy]

I should add he’s usually very well adjusted and sociable and happy. Something has changed for him and I’ve gently asked a million different ways and he can’t tell me what it is. He’s not prone to dramatics and I hate to see him distraught.

[OhHolyJesus]

Perhaps not great advice but I would take him out. If your boss is a professional she will understand and in this scenario you're a parent not an employee.
Either try again later or try a different place but if he's so unsettled by it I would give him a break and maybe a chance to miss it, if it's not your form of childcare and just for fun, it's not essential that he goes.
Good luck OP x

[fuzzyfozzy]

Have you tried 'volunteering' on the days he goes. It may be there's nothing wrong at preschool but he just doesn't want to leave you.
Try telling him you need to go to work and he's coming to help you (and be as boring as possible).

[Dsmummy]

Thankyou I’m definitely leaning towards that solution. It’s hard seeing him sad when it’s preventable.

[Dsmummy]

Yes I’ve done a few sessions with him. He is quite a loner from what I’ve seen and isn’t managing to get a friend. I’ve seen him try though bless him.

[newmumwithquestions]

Maybe your boss said ‘ok’ because it’s not uncommon.

I don’t know what will work for your LO. But my DD has had a big nursery wobble lately. It was understandable though as she moved up to the pre-school group. However it was the same setting with mostly nursery assistants that she knew and liked so I didn’t foresee it. Has there been a change of staff in your nursery?

We seem to have conquered it by:

1. Going in at whatever time we like. I was rushing her out the door to be on time. Now if we’re an hour and a half late then so be it.
   

1. Not taking her in some days and instead arranging the play dates that had dwindled since I upped her nursery hours, therefore we get more fun non-nursery time.
   

1. Talking to one of the nursery assistants I knew she really liked. This assistant has been brilliant and since I spoke to her she scoops DD up and takes her off to join in when DD arrives. Also she asks DD to be her special helper which DD loves.

[fuzzyfozzy]

What are they putting in place for him. I'd be looking to create opportunities to do jobs or small group work with the intention of building friendships with specific children.

[Digestive28]

We had a similar situation and took my DD out. We are in a town with a few places to choose from and the next place we tried was fab. They were fab because they genuinely wanted her there and we got a real sense of support so would do the things previous posters suggested like scooping her up and creating the situations in small groups. She has flourished. I hope you find a solution as I remember how awful it was

[Dsmummy]

Honestly I don’t think they are the type of place that will really do anything about it. My boss says she’s been in the job so long she doesn’t hear crying anymore and that they will snap out of itwhen he started he made a friend but she left to go somewhere else and he’s been friendless a while now.
Wow I feel bad. Writing it down really does emphasise that they are a bit shit.

[insancerre]

Find him a better nursery
Your manager sounds awful
I'm a nursery manager and that doesn't sound like a caring, nurturing environment that we should alll be trying to provide

[Dsmummy]

So stressed. I am also resigning for unrelated reasons but this makes it feel more necessary.

[insancerre]

Is he picking up on your anxiety and possibly hearing your conversations about the setting?

[thesunisout12]

We changed our nursery for this same reason. I didn't know exactly what it was, but she hated being there in the last few months and would cry hysterically when I dropped her off. They even called a few times and said we had to pick her up as she was so upset. I know the staff could be lazy at times and it wasn't well run, but it was hard to understand if there was anything in specific that triggered it.

Now she has settled into a new nursery which is amazing (this took 3 weeks of tears at drop-off), but is now changed back to the happy and confident child she once was. The change is immense and I know it's because of the nursery. Trust your instinct and get him out of there.