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Caught staff member at nursery screaming at son!

(19 Posts)
littleladybird14 Wed 30-Dec-15 15:16:24

Hello all, just a bit of advice really on what you would expect from your nursery in similar situation. I walked in on a staff member screaming (not exaggeration) at my son who was sat inches away from her for the reason that he was in a tug of war with another boy with a book and was apparently about to hit the boy although I didn't witness this. My son who is 3 but young for his age (struggling with speech) instantly broke down in tears and when he saw me came running over sobbing uncontrollably. I was in too much shock and anger to say anything and walked out the nursery with my son and ended up sobbing in the car park. My husband rang to complain shortly afterwards.
The next day I was told an investigation would take place and in the meantime she would be removed from the room but would be with other children. Two weeks later and I take my son to nursery to be told they would retrain all staff on how to deal with bad behaviour and that the staff member in question is back in my sons room. I refused to take him in as I said I wasn't comfortable in leaving him with her as I no longer trusted her. As an alternative they said my son could move rooms however I'm cautious as were in the process of moving house at the end of January and did not want to disrupt my son twice in a month changing rooms and then pre schools! I don't think it's unreasonable to ask that she be moved out of the room until we leave as I don't see why our son should be disrupted when he's not done anything wrong.
If the same situation had of happened in a place of work between two adults the person in question would be suspended and face disciplinary but apparently because it's against a child who can't defend themselves it's brushed under the carpet as a training issue! I'm worried about what has gone on without me seeing as as my son doesn't talk much there would be no way of me knowing!
Am I being unreasonable and what else would anyone suggest. I'm worried that she will continue to act in the manner when we have left and other children may suffer, it feels like a form of bullying to some degree! Is there a regulatory body who should be made aware? Ofsted?


OP’s posts: |
Floggingmolly Wed 30-Dec-15 15:19:14

How long did she spend screaming at him? If he was about to wallop another child some immediate intervention was clearly needed...

littleladybird14 Wed 30-Dec-15 15:28:14

She screamed at him 'no, don't you dare do that!' Or something to this effect pointing at him. As I say she screamed and she was inches away from him so his reaction was shock and to cry - all the other kids in the room turned around to look. She turned and saw me behind her and looked red in the face and at the end of her tether and then realised I was his mum and so fumbled around with a 'sorry mum he was about to hit the little boy' then continued to tell him off on a calm manner asking him to apologise to the boy despite my son sobbing his heart out! It was a split second where a saw him tugging at the book, opening the door and she was screaming at him. Even if my son was about to hit the boy this shouldn't have been the response - the nursery state in their own policy that a threatening and raised voice should not be used.

OP’s posts: |
TiggyD Wed 30-Dec-15 18:35:48

Presumably it's Verbal Warning, Written Warning, Dismissal, and the didn't think it's a sackable offence.

Ofsted are the people to contact.

Wolfiefan Wed 30-Dec-15 18:39:26

What has the manager said?

littleladybird14 Wed 30-Dec-15 22:51:48

Just that the staff member admitted she was louder than normal and that she wanted to apologise to us, also that she acknowledged she needed refresher training for dealing with situations. Training for all the staff is apparently being scheduled for the end of January. That's it. AIBU in not wanting my son to be looked after her again though? I've lost trust in her treating him calmly and fairly, I wouldn't scream at him in the way she did so it's been really quite upsetting seeing her treat him in that way. He's not Angel don't get me wrong, but he's 3! What 3 year old behaves perfectly - she should be used to dealing with these situations or otherwise not working with kids if she can't?

OP’s posts: |
Saxons Thu 31-Dec-15 06:36:03

Shouting or screaming equals out of control staff. Unless it's a life saving situation where shouting is needed - a child stepping out in front of a car or similar.

I would probably vary my arrival time so that I can observe the staff member.

I would want to know what training she has received exactly and what her new approach is.

Saxons Thu 31-Dec-15 06:37:45

There are lots of different more effective methods she can use rather then screaming.

insancerre Thu 31-Dec-15 07:10:13

The woman was in the wrong but I don't think you can dictate which rooms she works in
Ratios in nurseries do defend on qualification and also level of qualifications so it might not be as easy to swap her as you think.
Presumably she is a key person to children in that room and it is important to keep continuity of care for those children
I'm not defending her actions but, hey we all get it wrong sometimes
She has acknowledged she was wrong, the nursery have arranged training.
I would just move on now

Roonerspism Thu 31-Dec-15 07:23:41

I obviously didn't witnes the level of screaming. And screaming is wrong.

But to be fair, if the kids have been acting up all afternoon (and they can) and one is about to hit another, I think she was trying to intervene , in an exhausted manner.

I'm not saying I would be happy about it but I think it's not that bad. Far better than hitting the child.....

I would move on too, after receiving her apology. If she is prepared and able to apologise to you face to face, she hopefully has some strength of character herself.

PrincessMouse Thu 31-Dec-15 08:01:06

I don't think you are been unreasonable to feel how you feel. If that was my DD I wouldn't be happy Op and I wouldn't want this particular staff member looking after my DD. I agree there has been a breach of trust.

IMO Screaming at children really does nothing but frighten them. This person is meant to be a trained professional. Children can be challenging and if she's not capable of controlling her temper and her response (regardless of how challenging a day it's been) to two 3 years olds having a disagreement is to scream at a young child then not sure how suited she is for that role.

It's great she apologised but the trust has still been breached and I woukd find it difficult to leave DD in the same room as her. Depending on how uncomfortable I felt I would probably contact Ofsted. With regards her leaving the room unfortunately you are in a difficult position. It seems the nursery has made a decision on that. I would probably tell them that I, DH or DG would be coming over randomly on random days to check on DD if this woman was in the same room because I didn't trust the memebr of staff. I would also tell them I was probably going to contact Ofsted.

littleladybird14 Thu 31-Dec-15 10:21:41

Just taken DS into nursery to try another room and he sobbed and said he wanted to go to his normal room where all his friends are. I have agreed on the basis they will be sending the staff member home early anyway as it's quiet. She was there but avoided me so not forthcoming in apologising at all. I'll see how he gets on today. confusedsad

OP’s posts: |
jclm Thu 31-Dec-15 12:36:43

I think this is a common problem and anyone who has worked in a nursery will tell you so. The workers are paid minimum wage, are usually very young and they get hardly any break time and ratios are always to the maximum. I think this is just how it is at a nursery. X

Wolfiefan Thu 31-Dec-15 12:39:22

Did she actually scream or just raise her voice to a level you are not comfortable with? Screaming would surely bring other staff running?
Jclm both my kids attended nursery. Neither was ever treated like this.

Loraline Thu 31-Dec-15 12:42:58

We saw a nursery staff member in DS' room speaking more harshly than we would expect to another child. She wasn't screaming but we felt it was an inappropriate response. Our DS was about to move into that room so we raised it with the room supervisor and nursery manager. She was sent on additional training and they took it seriously. Since then, we've found she's actually great and DS loves her. I think we caught her in a moment but appreciate our comments being taken on board and acted upon. On the basis of it being one incident, we let it go.

PrincessMouse Fri 01-Jan-16 05:57:08

So no apology. Shes either embarrassed, not sorry or pissed off you reported the incidence. Whatever it is, it says a lot about her that she hasn't appologised and taken responsibility for her behaviour.

His moving pre school end of January so hopefully nothing will happen again.

Atenco Fri 01-Jan-16 06:49:47

The thing is that it's like someone who has been caught stealing, it is highly unlikely that this was the first time, just the first time they have been caught.

Chinks123 Sun 31-Jan-16 11:35:23

You're paying to have someone care for your child, for them to be safe and looked after. I don't leave my child at nursery and spend my working day missing her, to have someone screaming at her. I wouldn't tolerate 'they're stressed,that's how it is, they're understaffed' excuses, they're trusted with OUR children, and while they obviously have to tell them off if they're naughty I wouldn't have her screamed at, you have to trust whoever is taking care of your child to actually care for them. If they can't control their temper they're in the wrong job.

Dreamonastar Sun 31-Jan-16 11:38:40

On the other hand, the sending the child to nursery to be safe applies to the other child as well. Screaming isn't great at all but she's passed on her apologies and has been sent on additional training; I guess anything else would be a bit overkill.

Unless anyone's suggesting she should be dismissed for this.

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